To go no contact with racist MIL

[MoMuM7]

I'm not white English. Legally moved to the UK for uni, stayed for a job then met DC and started family. Got on reasonably well with inlaws although we have little in common. FIL, a lovely man, passed away last year and MIL seems to have changed overnight. Watches GB news religiously, votes Reform and attend questionable rallies. I was surprised but her life, her opinions. Since January she's been forwarding me emails anti immigrant from very right wing influencers. Again, i was taken aback but, she's entitled to her opinions. DH was getting concerned because half of what she sends is AI generated or obviously fake news so he had a word.

She explained that her views are about the wrong kind of immigrant and not me... She sends the emails still but since she lives across the country and we see her 2/3 times a year I ignored.

She's been visiting this week and today she came to the park with me and DC. She saw a Muslim woman with a headwrap walking past and loudly said : "Your lot are not the peace kind, are you? Have you been watching the news? Your days in this country are numbered."

That woman is my local GP, born and bred in the UK.

The DC heard everything. I was so stunned i grab the DC and practically ran home. When I told DC he was shocked but says she's harmless, just another boomer radicalised by the internet. I dont agree. I still dont know how to explain what she said to my small DC.

She's not harmless at all, wtf is he thinking saying that?

Racially abusing someone out waking in a park, while she is with her grandkids, no less, is not harmless behaviour.

I would immediately block her on everything after sending one last message saying you and your dc do not wish to be exposed to her abhorrent attitude, and I wouldn't have anything to do with her again.

Wild that your husband is so blasé too. Sorry to hear this, you're absolutely right to cut her off. People aren't entitled to company.

I’m a Boomer. She’s a racist twat . Def no contact.

Could I just say this. I am UK born and bred, watch TalkTV. Does that make me racist ? Nah.. My fiance is Japanese, I work in corporate with multi cultural dynamic. I embrace legal migration but, not illegal. They drain society and and rarely integrate in to society.

You can’t expose your DC to a racist like that. Definitely NC.

Inexcusable. The more she goes in the echo chamber the less chance of escape. And your DH needs to buck up his ideas big time too.

My kids first experience of racism (though this was more Islamophobia) is from their grandparents. Luckily my kids have my influence and it doesn’t shock or bother them.

If my mum did the same I’d literally tell her and we’d walk away. My mum has gotten far worse as she’s gotten older, I wouldn’t be seen in public with her now as I do have a slight fear of what she’d say and that I’d most definitely have to react! I’d suggest you do the same. It’s rubbish but she’s family.

Racially abusing people in the street isn't harmless and I'd be worried that you're DH thinks it is

When I told DC he was shocked but says she's harmless, just another boomer radicalised by the internet.

Tell your DH to stuff his bigoted view of "boomers" - I can see he didn't fall far from the tree. We are no more racists than any other group of people. In fact, I am concerned that I see so much racism amongst younger generations. Some of us were on the lines before his lot were born. And still are. It isn't us climbing up lampposts hanging flags...

I read the title of your thread and thought you might be about to describe the stuff my MIL does (very questionable Facebook sharing of stuff about migrants and marches etc - I have removed her from my friends as I just can’t see that stuff without getting raged), but what you describe is just awful. I would have been absolutely horrified and would have fallen out with her for the comment in the park. You are not being unreasonable at all.

I'd be tempted to say something like 'MIL, I've been reading all your emails and after what you said yesterday in the park, I've realised I agree with you - me and your grandchildren don't belong here and aren't welcome here, so DH and I are looking at options to move to Australia. You might want to start thinking what your plans are if you need care when you get older as obviously DH won't be in any position to come back often"

(obviously you are welcome and you don't have to have any intention of actually doing this, just thinking of something that might shock her out of her 'not immigrants LIKE YOU' idiocy to realise that the people she wants out aren't some different species).

Either way I'd be going very low, maybe no contact, and your DH needs to grow a spine. How would he like it if someone shouted that at your DC in the future? They will be in exactly the same position as (I'm assuming from her reaction) your GP - non white and born here.

She is your husband's mother. She means something to him, quite possibly a great deal because she will have other more pleasant characteristics which you ignore because all you see is racist attitudes.
Maybe he should have a chat to her.about it.
If she is more careful in future the children get to keep their gran and your husband his mother.

She would not be in my house if she was behaving like that. Its awful. I am so sorry, as well as the embarrassment, this must also be so painful for you.

Racially harassing someone in public is not bloody “harmless” ??? Are you joking wtf.

that poor poor woman. Imagine what she’s like when shes not out with her grandkids. I would stay well away from her

Yes and OP your husband is vile for saying she’s harmless when she actively harmed this innocent woman who happens to be a GP as well and I’m sure does lots of great work.

I agree, I don’t get why some people blame it on age when there are so many gen z and milenials involved in all this too

Honestly this is my worry as a (British) non-white person who typically dates white men (I like all races of men but the location I am in is predominately white) I worry their family will blind side with me something like this and my kids will be stuck with a racist family on one side lol

Your husband needs to speak to her and make very clear that this is not just a difference of opinions- this is racial abuse that could get her arrested.

She doesn’t need to explain that the go was born here? Why is it her or anyone’s business, you don’t need caveat for why you don’t harass random hijabis on the street.

and fuck explaining yourself to hateful loonies. As if they have a right to people tap dancing to stave off their bigotry.

Another boomer here who is firmly anti racist (who do you think started Rock Against Racism) and whose still-alive mother and grandmother are likewise.

You have no choice really, do you? You could choose whether or not to expose yourself to this, but you cannot expose your children to it.

As for dementia, the first signs in my ex dp were incredibly offensive behaviour. But that is for your dh to keep an eye on. You still can't expose your kids.

No, screw this!

There are absolutely no "other pleasant" characteristics that make overt, street- abuse racism, in front of your mixed-ethnicity grandchildren ok/ acceptable. OP should protect her kids. There is nothing racist gran has to offer them that they need, would benefit from or would miss. I suspect that people who grow up with no grandparents have a better childhood than those who grow up with racist cunts.

Also "more careful in the future" ! How hard is it to not shout at people you don't know in the street.

Have you been taking drugs tonight? Have you banged your head?

Oh my days! That’s horrible. Poor you.
Definitely go NC.
YANBU

What did your mother in law say when you said she was your family GP?

She's not "harmless" what she did was illegal.

How awful for you, your kids and the poor woman minding her own business in the park.

Your FH needs to grow a pair. What is it with men and their mothers?! 🙄