Do people not like me cos of my weight?

[Sozsoz]

I am 10 stone overweight
and although I have friends I’m never really included in the group stuff and I just feel like I’m no one’s favourite person, I’m liked but overlooked and left out
I don’t know if it’s because of how I look or is it the person I am? I try my best to get on with people I try and be a good friend and there for them.
this weekend iv had a downward spiral as I can see lots of people iv been friends with over the years all together and it’s just never me invited or included. I’m 44, is it too late to change the narrative

Op it's hard. I have been (realistically) more than 10 stone overweight. Still had good friends and went out.

I think that it's a self fulfilling prophecy if you cancel on people lots to be honest.

This is a ridiculous post

@forthistimeonly I’m sure your comment has made OP feel much better! You must know there are many, many reasons people gain weight (often very linked to stress, lack of money, poor physical health, caring responsibilities etc.), none of which are your business.

🤦‍♀️ Fucking hell, are you serious?

How does anyone get to be overweight? It’s a combination of environmental, physical and psychological factors that combine to make some people stay the same weight they were when they were 16 and some people increase their weight gain to ten stone and beyond.

You answered your own question! Maybe try and lose some weight?

I've heard lots of women say they often feel excluded and on the periphery of friendship groups...so I don't think your experience is rare by any means. Why it is that way is hard to decipher. I know a very overweight woman who is incredibly popular with loads of friends. It's usually a combination of things and sometimes just luck in the sense you haven't met people you really click with.

I have this and I am very slim, I always assumed it was my personality! I’m an introvert pessimist though so people aren’t flocking to be friends with me.

How rude.

@Comedycook
Just asking as I just don't know how anyone can become 10 stone overweight. I'm curious. I weigh 7.7 stone and have done since my teens. Went up to 8stone 3 and 8 stone 5 when pregnant. Back to normal after about 8 weeks with my daughter and 4 weeks with my son.
I'm just interested in how someone can put on so much weight as I've never know anyone to do so.
I've struggled with mental health - I have diagnosed PTST, severe anxiety, depression and ADHD, plus epilepsy.
I'm just curious how one doesn't go on a diet once they become overweight.
As I've said, I don't know anyone who is obese. I've got friends who have been overweight but they sorted it.

The people that matter, matter OP.

Don’t change.

You are just fine the way you are.

@forthistimeonly you must live a very sheltered life if you don’t know anyone obese - around 1 in 3 British adults are! If you’re really genuinely interested in a good faith discussion about the complicated science behind obesity, I’m not sure this thread with an OP who is clearly feeling low is the place to discuss…

Us humans are a varied lot.

I think you’ve answered your own question there. You let people down a lot….because they’re doing stuff you’d rather not/can’t do?

I don’t think my weight ever affected my friendships, but there are obviously activities which you won’t be able to do/are too embarrassed to try in case you don’t fit (theme parks used to be a horror for me, the shame of creeping away from those swings that fly high up, I used to love them but I didn’t fit last time I tried).

To echo pp, please tackle the weight now. I wish to god I had 10 years ago-I’m 10 years older than you and my face has been hit hard, I look haggard, would probably have been much better had I dropped 11 stone a decade ago. I’m still about a stone above the ideal, but I’m scared to lose more because my face is bad enough.

@scotlandmamatoone
I don't and have never lived a sheltered life. I've lived most of my life in London, also lived in Australia, Canada, India in my 20s and now on the Kent coast. Seriously, I don't know anyone obese. I have a lot of friends, over 1k on FB who I know in person. Not one is obese.

@forthistimeonlywould you like a badge for your ability to maintain your slim figure and only know slim people? Honestly, you are coming across as rather unpleasant and oblivious.

Well, you sound like a paragon of virtue, but it may surprise you to hear that not everyone is the same.
Aren't you amazing, being the same weight at 54 as you were at 16 slow clap.

@forthistimeonly Are you okay? I’m concerned.

Oh DFOD! Your attempts at pretending to not know anyone who is overweight or obese are either lies or you have indeed lead an extremely sheltered life. You don’t fool any of us.
you know damn well it isn’t as simple as just going on a diet for a lot of people. And if you don’t well perhaps it’s time to do a little research before posting goady horrible nonsense on threads.

@Sozsozi have been where you are. Both with the weight and with feeling excluded by friends and it’s really tough. What has worked for me is always prioritising myself and my health over everything else. By that I mean I focused on my mental health health, doing things I enjoy and eating well. Not particularly with the aim of loosing weight but on improving my overall health. I pushed myself to do group things that I enjoy. I have dogs and found some dog training groups and now have made lifelong friends who do want to spend time with me as I am. Other friends have fallen away to a degree. But that’s ok because our outlooks and things we enjoyed were just different. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and possibly am also Autistic. I find being in small social situations much easier than larger groups. It takes time but you will find your people when you say yes to things and follow what you enjoy doing. Dont try to be something or someone you are not.

Cheers hadn’t tried this before

If you cancel a lot on people it is incredibly annoying, I stopped arranging nights out with a friend as she would just cancel at the drop of a hat which was so disappointing, I couldn’t rely on her

I would be really looking forward to a night out on Friday night with her and she would cancel just beforehand which then meant I had to stay in as it was too late in the day to organise anything else

Do you think this could be the reason

To be honest I don’t really think I’d want to be your friend anyway

What kind of things are you being left out of op?

Well then you were either a chunky 16yo or are now a pretty raggy looking 54yo?

How did you get so clueless/rude as to ask a question like that?