Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

What time they were supposed to meet?
(The round trip time for both parties is irrelevant)
What time did they actually meet?
Did they even apologise for being late when they arrived? ("communicating" you're going to be late doesn't stop people being immensely cheesed off with you!)
What time was the original meal booked for?
What time did the others announce they would be leaving?
Which restaurant is "this place"....the one they were all booked at first, or the one the other family moved on to?
What time they said their next table was booked for?
Why did they only feel 'perplexed' AFTER they'd eaten pudding?

The necessities of the story are missing, but other irrelevant stuff (like the total bround trip time for each party) is in there. Must people appreciate facts better than fluff when deciding what's unreasonable.

Was the restaurant you were eating in more expensive than they expected? Otherwise it seemed odd.

You don't know that she didn't factor in extra time, you're assuming that. Maybe she did, but it, plus the forty minutes, was all used up.

Not sure what the "faffing about" is that you're referring to. Personally I can go hours and hours without needing a wee, but I gather other people cannot. So you have to stop for them to go. I can't see any faffing about at all.

How is it difficult to comprehend?

They met the friend at the beach.
The friend went off to look after some horses saying they'd only be 10 minutes, then messaged to say they had decided not to come back for the picnic and that they were going to have lunch with a different friend instead.
The friend never returned.

Well it’s pretty crucial to the story if she did factor in time and she’s been asked a few times…

The faffing is walking the dog!

OP can you not explain what happened in the restaurant more? This is when they decided to leave so more likely to be the reason. Possibilities:

Your dog is hyper/annoying and they were over it
Your husband was droning on about boring things and they were over it
One of you said something inadvertently insulting or painful
Their kids were extremely unhappy and fed up

When exactly did they announce they were leaving?

The time they were due to meet is irrelevant to the question of the friends leaving the meal.

OP didn't say whether she apologised, but as the friends seemed to wait three hours before they took offence it seems odd if that were the reason they left.

The meal wasn't booked in advance, they booked it once they were there.

It's completely clear to me.

40 mins may seem late. I agree. But there was plenty do to.

If you said or implied that to me, I'd have dumped your ass wholesale for a chippie tea in this 'plenty to do' place.

You have an overly relaxed attitude to timekeeping and your friends are matching your energy.

I think this one is impossible to judge without knowing the history of the friendship and the other side of the story.

It could be the friends are being very passive aggressive in response to a one-off incident that the OP had little control over. It could also be that this is the final straw after series of similar incidents and the friends have had enough.

I will say, I've called a halt to events and friendships having been flaked on one too many times. For the (ex) friends, my actions apparently came as a complete surprise, because the final incident didn't seem a big deal to them. From my perspective, I could think of a dozen similar previous incidents and I'd had enough. But because those incidents hadn't inconvenienced them, only me, I doubt they even registered them.

Is it possible that at some point during the day, one of you did or said something that pissed them off? That's the only reason I can think of for them to make an excuse and leave early!

Well, we'll have to disagree on that because I think if you're stopping for a wee anyway, taking the dog out to stretch and wee too is common sense, not faffing. The two things probably happened at the same time.

I am really confused over timings.
Did you spend the afternoon with them before the meal? At some points it sounds like you were with them for lunch but then it sounds like you met them later as you had sandwiches in the car.

Maybe it would be helpful to clarify what time you agreed to meet them and what time you actually arrived.
Also regarding the food, this seems weird for them to start eating at one restaurant and then up and go to another - is there the possibility that they actually ate a bigger lunch than they said and this was an excuse?

I hate lateness but I think that abandoning your friends at a restaurant after starters when they've driven 2.5 hours to see you and giving no reason other than that you want to go to a different restaurant is about 20 times more rude than being 40 minutes late because you didn't adequately plan your journey.

I think you’re commenting on the wrong post…these people met at a scenic village.

They were really rude. How bizarre of them.

I’d have to ask your friend why they left and what was wrong.

Agreed.
It's really odd behaviour. Very rude indeed.

Ok you've not read post. We didn't stop to eat
We did care & messaged.
We aren't often late
We ate lunch in the car - driving
I clearly in your view should have told her to wet herself. She sometimes goes for different lengths she's human and a child. We the adults were late and we apologised.
If you think that the behaviour at the end of the day " to get us back" is justified I don't think you are being reasonable

Was there something about the restaurant they didn't like? Did it not serve the type of food they can eat or like to eat? Was it too expensive for them but they didn't want to say anything so made an excuse about going to eat at another restaurant nearer their home?

It actually may well have had nothing to do with the being late, although as is evident on the MN responses people can have v strong views on lateness and find it inexcusable. Perhaps they were frazzled and tired out and made an excuse to call time early OP? (Albeit in the weirdest and most awks way I think I’ve ever read on MN and that’s saying something 🫤)

I personally cut friends slack on timings as we can be late from time to time too. It’s human, we all have a lot to juggle and can’t always manage the timings we would like. We have lovely friends who are consistently 3 hrs late to everything god love em and I just hug them all the more warmly when they do (eventually 😂) turn up!

I think the 40 minutes late is a red herring, no one leaves a restaurant after starters and goes to a different restaurant for main and pudding, leaving behind the people they intended to dine with abandoned with no real explanation for their bizarre behaviour.

It’s more likely something you said or did triggered a “That’s It! I’ve had enough, we’re outta here!!” reaction from your friends. Unfortunately you have no idea what provoked this response and you probably never will unless you’re prepared to ask her to be brutally honest with you.

I get it op, you were late, so what, that’s life you can’t always control traffic situations etc. on the surface it didnt put the other couple out, lots to do at location, whilst waiting. You weren’t late for a booked lunch, all good. But under the surface they were unjustly peeved about the lateness maybe? That’s the vibe you felt. Also the location was more in their favour in the first place, with shorter travel, hence more chance of you being the late ones.

in my opinion it is very odd that they booked this early evening meal for both families, in advance, and on the actual day, ditched you after starters at original place, to go to another place nearby which; 1. U weren’t invited to, after travelling 2.5 hours to see them. 2. The new restaurant they wanted to try, is more local to them, they could have made reservations for another time, therefore honouring the original booking with ‘their’ close friends 3. I can’t believing no one challenged them when they just got up with no warning and said are now booked in elsewhere!!

It’s very odd behaviour. I know you said, OP, that your friend doesn’t like confrontation, but you should let her know that her behaviour has left you confused and, quite frankly, hurt. It’s not as if you prevented them from seeing the bloody last night of the proms or something. I am really fussy about punctuality and always leave ridiculously early, but sometimes I’m STILL late because, ya know, shit happens. If I had a friend who was habitually late, it would seriously wind me up, but someone coming a long distance and keeping me updated on what’s happening wouldn’t bother me at all. Anyone who would get annoyed by someone being late in these circumstances is an arsehole. And if your friend buggering off halfway through a meal to go and eat somewhere else WASN’T because you were late, that’s even more bizarre. I really couldn’t let this go. Speaking as one of the least confrontational people on the planet!

What time had you arranged to meet? For an afternoon or an all day event ? Why is the fact that the cold a teenager relevant ? What is “ just how it is with teenagers”

this whole thing is odd. Who has a meal at 4 or 5 and then another a couple of hours late so they have to leave quickly ? Perhaps you said something they didn’t like ?

No they picked. If anything it was bit more than we would choose but we wanted to enjoy it with them.
As they choose it, I can't see why they wouldn't have liked.
I just felt shocked & looking back should have said is everything ok, but they were insistent & I felt hurt. So just did best to give them hugs and see them off. X