Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

I think the lateness ate into their time. Op might even being a bit optimistic about how late they actually were - people minimise all the time. It wasn't op's fault that they were late but it's awful waiting for people, as it eats into the day. They planned a nice unrushed dinner in a favourite restaurant. I can't see what's wrong with that.

Op, (be very honest now) have you been late for them before? They might see this as a pattern?

OP - fine to stop for a wee! I would need to. I know this process actually takes around 15 minutes as you have to drive off the motorway and then walk through the services, and get back on to the motorway. So I would have added 15 minutes for a wee and then around 15/20 mins for any potential traffic delays.

Did you factor in this time?

The friend's behaviour was rude and peculiar OP.
I am curious though, as you tend to order starter and main together, at what point did they announce they were leaving?

You're being oddly passive though OP.

I would send them a message saying you've been trying hard not to let it bother you but you are actually upset that they abandoned you at the restaurant and are wondering why they did it.

Perhaps something happened and they had to leave but didn't want to discuss why? I did this when my father was dying. I just couldn't face the explanations so said I have to go. Bye.

It is weird and either they don’t realise this, or they felt put out & are being rude. I think they were a bit put out, and instead of addressing this with you, chose to make these unusual dinner plans.

I think people are missing the point that you did a 5 hour return journey and they only did two. I agree 40 minutes is quite late, but it’s not like they’ve done a 5 hour journey as well.

id let it go. water under the bridge. No good will come from digging into this.

I imagine they were just a bit knackered and wanted to be on their own by then and so made an awkward excuse - but it is rude! I wouldn't worry about it. Seperately, I wouldn't have been fussed by friends being 40 mins late if they'd messaged in advance and apologised you did.

All I can think then is that something happened during the meal they weren't comfortable with , perhaps they didn't like eating with the dog in the restaurant ( I don't enjoy that) or something cropped up they didn't want to tell you about and they had to go.
I don't think it can be about you being late and I don't understand the negative comments you are getting about being late. It happens to everyone sometimes it's unavoidable.

OP, yes it was rude of them to leave like that, but they are the only ones who can say why they did that. When you sent your message after your meet up you should have asked if there is anything wrong. You could go back to her now and ask but the moment has gone imo.

Is it “a 1 hr drive for us “ or a 2.5 hr drive or was it nearly 3 hrs ?

Really don’t think them leaving has anything to do with you being late. I think they may have had other plans (double booked with others) and didn’t want to tell you.

Something’s clearly happened at the dinner. What were you talking about?

That would make their behaviour worse, not better.

They weren't late for the meal though, they had the meal at the planned time as it was booked, so that explanation makes no sense

We didn't minimise our lateness.
We were honest and let know
How did it eat into their time, if they had time to go elsewhere.
We planned to spend a day together. No reason to cut it short without communication.
They did not communicate they had any other plans. My children were really hurt by it. She's a god mother although my daughter said she felt she was mean and rude & thought she was quite mean.
Not a pattern no.
I have 2 friend who is always late with me; one it can get frustrating but still friends and we laugh about it, the other it's a running joke between us & never spoilt our time together - we always have great fun.
I feel this friend has become very rigid & inconsistent with me. She even got stressed paying their part of the bill. We would have paid more. Her husband who is the earner wanted to leave but extra, she didn't and we had to sit and watch their disagreement making us feel uncomfortable. They have good income and where off to a "very good" restaurant so it seemed an odd disagreement. We told them not to worry we would settle up. We are quite generous though we are not well off, we saved for meal. Just sad we ate 50% alone.

Poor time management on your part, allow time for traffic delays and dog breaks and set off earlier in future. You kept them updated so they knew you kept the waiting so your dog could stretch its legs.
The rest of it - who on earth eats one course at one place then a main or pudding elsewhere. You both sound weird

I think it’s rude and I think given you had a 2.5 hour drive it is perfectly reasonable for you to stop for a break: daughter toilet/ dogs stretch legs.
You communicated your lateness and they accepted this.
Things happen when travelling out of your control.
Maybe next time (if there is a next time) build in extra time but I think they’re behaviour given your drive is unacceptable and if they were annoyed why not say rather than mess around with the meal.

Maybe your friends fell out and didn’t want to fight in front of you all then made the excuse to leave. I didn’t vote but you would be unreasonable to pretend all is well and send pictures to friend. If they are indeed your friends and the friendship will continue you HAVE to mention this with them. If you’re closer to the wife you ask her and your DH asks her husband. I don’t understand why people cannot broach stuff like this with friends. It’s not being aggressive. Yes you were late which even if I was annoyed I’d be clear when you arrived and then we continue with our day . But your “friends” are unbelievably rude if this was tie for that and I honestly would not be giving this friendship the time of day. Only you know if this was out of character and therefore something might be wrong that’s unrelated to you.
Also I can’t believe the people who are defending them, late or not. I do understand though that culturally Brits can be unbelievably passive aggressive and We think it’s normal. It isnae.

This.

We do a lot of long journeys where we have to be on time as one of my kids competes at the top end of National for a sport.

The only way to guarantee being on time (which we have to do) is to aim to be many many hours early. Or better still the night before.

To put into perspective - the last time we went on holiday we got there so early that we had to wait over an hour before the bag drop opened.

And at the last event we went to we were in a pretty major car crash (police, fire brigade, ambulance and air ambulance involved) and we still made it!

All of which is reasonable if you are trying to be selected for your country or going on a lovely holiday (although the kids are still annoyed with me for that one - not sure why - they got to stare at their phones for 5 hours which is what they like to do anyway!) but ridiculous for a nice relaxed meet up with friends.

Right so ‘she got stressed paying their part of the bill’ For starters?! Do you not think that therefore money might be behind all this?

I agree, I can’t see how the lateness made any difference.
i suspect their was something else going on, maybe they got double booked after making plans with you and have tried to do two meet ups (eating a main with someone else would make sense rather than on their own..). Weird and slightly snide behaviour rather than being honest, especially if you are now worrying what you did wrong.

Read the update - there was an issue with the friend and the DH paying the bill for the starter…

Yes, they were being passive aggressive, but your behaviour was also not great.

You should have reasonably factored in potential delays:
Your son gets carsick, so needs a halfway break = add 20 minutes.
You want a sandwich = add 20 minutes
The dog needs a walk/wee = add 20 minutes
Saturday traffic in August = add 20 minutes

The fact that you were seemingly oblivious to all these factors, and stroll in 40 minutes with an "oh well!" attitude... They were, not unreasonably, a bit annoyed.
They held off the annoyance, because, "well, they're here now, might as well crack on with the day", and then it erupted.

But you know what? People behave oddly all the time. Yesterday teatime I went out for drinks with some work friends. Organised by the ringleader, we'll call Jenny.
We'd been there about an hour, people ordering drinks and food to the table as and when they wanted it, all chatting and laughing.

Then Jenny just announced "I'm going to take off now." and within 30 seconds, she was out the door.
The remaining 4 of us just looked around, a couple of "that was a bit abrupt!" comments, then we shrugged and continued enjoying our evening.
People have all sorts of complicated things going on, and do things that can sometimes seem strange. But all you can do is shrug and carry on. Not everything is a personal slight.

I think I'd text to say ,hope all is ok with you, you left before having the meal we planned. It was great to see you. And then see what she says.
I think it's odd, either a total misunderstanding, or something happened at their end they needed to get back for, they'd had cross words or they were still fed up with you. I'm wondering based on your last post about her partner, did he not know about the meal together and he wanted to go to the other place and was miffed by eating somewhere else.

It wasn't lunch.
It was 3.5 hours in the country doing walks & swims with children & what would have been a 2 hour meal at the end of the day.
Both families are lunch separately. It should not matter to anyone if we ate ours in the car.