Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

I don't see anything wrong with what they did. They met you for lunch. I can understand how the meeting felt rushed to you because you were so late.

Even though you were going out for lunch and dinner?

Why are people falling over themselves to find the most unkind reasons as to why op is probably just a terrible person

She didn't say anywhere that they were "going out for lunch".

Mumsnet innit.

Yikes! The op NEVER said they were meeting for lunch! Sometimes I wonder if we are all reading the same thread..

Exactly it's the friends who behaved weirdly. Who has a starter then leaves to eat elsewhere?!

I'd avoid them in future op.

Well, I thought they were meeting for lunch, but were very late, and the friends decided just to move on to the dinner part of the expedition, but without the OP and her family.

Why did the kids only see them for 10 minutes? I’m so confused!

Your comment isn't fair.
You don't know my child or situation. Or how bad/mild or if has medication or how they feel so pls don't judge. We take breaks when she needs. Which is less as she's older. Would you like she goes nowhere? Maybe we should cancel holidays. She's a happy child & we always adjust for her.

I'm gobsmacked. I genuinely cannot believe that people this rude walk among us. I have never knowingly met someone like that.

Oh wrong poster with a similar situation!

I have to agree.
This is one of the most difficult-to-comprehend posts I've ever read on here.

Why do you think their leaving the meal had to do with your lateness? I wonder if you are linking the two in your head when actually it has nothing to do with that. Maybe there was another reason they had to leave the meal earlier than planned that had nothing to do with you. I would message her and say hope everything is ok?

The only time I have ever left a meal after the first course was when a friend's boyfriend was voicing really offensive opinions (racist). I made some weird excuse and left.

There's no possibility you really offended them or similar?

You know this is a different poster telling an entirely different story, don't you?

Not related to the op at all.

Absolutely no-one has done that?

But lateness is only one possible reason and rather than ask the actual reason, the OP seems completely focused on it.

I left an event early many years ago because my friend's husband was being completely obnoxious, and I just couldn't spend another minute with him.

Had she asked me the reason I left early, I would've told her but since she didn't bring it up, I saw no reason to either.

So there could be many reasons, even the dog in the OP's case.

But the OP is refusing to find out the truth here.

I've since sent thanks for the day, apologies for late arrival & shared pictures

I have to say, you’re not helping yourself by doing this OP. I know it’s easier to brush under the carpet but you’ll never get to the bottom of things this way… and both families will end up feeling pissed off.

Maybe say something like, “It was a shame you guys didn’t stay for dinner, I hope it wasn’t because our delay annoyed you? We did try to allow enough time but with a 2.5 hour drive it’s hard to foresee everything like the diversion we came across. Maybe we can meet nearer us next time?”

Or even better… Call her!!

Them leaving to go to another restaurant is bizarre. I don’t think it has anything to do with you being late.
But even if they had been building up resentment all day (odd), who goes in to a planned meal, has a starter, then suddenly announces they’d rather go somewhere else and leaves? That is weird weird weird.

No I get that. It’s just some people are arguing the posts are clear and I don’t think they are. And that might be a reason they left early - if her communication regarding the lateness and the day were unclear too.

It’s bizarre they left early yes - so people are trying to work out why.

Personally I think 40 minutes late because you didn’t factor in extra time for traffic and faffed about unnecessarily is rude…

Regardless of where they were, 40 mins is pretty rude, so I think you're both BU.

You should leave early for a journey that length to allow for traffic, and certainly shouldn't need to stop off for a dog walk and a teenager toilet stop (or if you do because of continence problems, again, build this in)!

If it's such a lovely place it'd be no bother if you were early, so I'd learn your lesson about this. Your friend's response is strange but maybe just apologise and move on.

They'd had enough of the day and wanted to cut it short.
None of us on here can guess the reason why.
It could be to do with you or it could be something personal to them.
If it's a good friendship, I would ask.

It sounds like they were annoyed that you were late, 40 minutes is outside a reasonable timeframe to be late, okay maybe you couldn’t foresee the detour but you should have factored in that you might need to stop for the toilet and to let the dog out and left some time for traffic. 40 minutes late suggest you didn’t give yourselves enough leeway. You keep minimising the fact that you were late by saying it’s not like they were in the middle of nowhere etc, if you minimised it on the day and any apology didn’t come across as genuine that may have annoyed the other family who were already annoyed you were so late even further. If the family were annoyed from the off then it may also be that they started to find aspects of your company grating or difficult, it sounds like the other family realised that they weren’t going to enjoy having a meal with you because they weren’t enjoying your company on the day and so they decided to leave the meal early rather than put themselves through something they weren’t going to enjoy. Yes, it was a bit rude but I suppose less so than getting to the point of annoyance that the day ended in an argument and from their point of view they may have felt you had started the day by being significantly late and not apologetic enough for it.

Why did you think that though? She said they had a sandwich on the way.

Ask what was going on! If they can't give a good answer I wouldn't bother meeting with them again.