Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

Who was paying for the meal OP ? Could friend have thought they were going to be lumbered with the bill so left early? Did you order something very expensive and expect for the bill to be split? Running our early is strange but I suspect there was a reason.

Everyone is late at some point in your life. I've never been late for work & it wasn't that kinda day. We were walking around a village. We would have just enjoyed a cup of tea look round shops. If they chose to get their early & we communicate any road issues, it's not like we have killed someone. I feel this is strong with judgement. I asked on the situation not who I am and how do I get to work.

That's a bit rude. There are lots of people confused by the way OP has communicated. Especially the first post.

so you were late because of traffic but you also stopped to eat a sandwich on the way?

They were weird but you were also odd if that is the case.

It's not quite the same scenario, but we drove 3 hours to meet a friend by the coast (godfather to our child), and told them we'd bring a picnic so we could eat together, which they agreed, so we packed a nice meal and left.

We met on the beach, and they had to go attend briefly to some horses they'd adopted nearby, and were going to pop back in 10 minutes to come and join us. It got to lunchtime and we had no news, so we went down to the riding arena but couldn't find them. We went back to the beach, and then got a text to say they'd bumped into a friend while they were down there, and they'd gone off to have lunch with them instead. I was obviously upset by it, but didn't say anything. The afternoon started to draw on and then the rain came, and we were exposed out on the beach, so gave up waiting and drove 3 hours home.

The "friend" never saw anything wrong in what they did and never apologised, but later got irate over something very trivial by comparison, and the friendship ended.
It is frustrating when you try to be a good friend, and someone acts very rudely and doesn't recognise their fault. It's a good lesson though; some people you don't need in your life.

Asking if OP’s first language is English is extremely rude.

We were seated at a large table - large when it was 7.

OP are you sure nothing happened during the meal or later on in the day that triggered this?

I don't think they did stop for lunch. They stopped for the loo and for the dog to have a quick stretch. And due to travel sickness. I think they ate a sandwich in the car as lunch.

Stopping for lunch plus wees etc would be more than 15-20 minutes.

For any, any reason, they got feed up after a few hours and left.
I wouldn't drive five minutes to meet them in the future.

OP can you please answer the question about how they ordered ? As mentioned above you always order starter and main together.

So did they only order a starter meaning you had some idea they were not staying ?

Or did they order their main and leave before it came out ?

Also who paid and when?

Regardless, very rude and weird .

It’s so funny how many posts there are here. Your friends had had enough, and left.
it seems impolite, definitely. You being 40 mins late was also impolite.

impolite people! Hey ho!

I'm going to give you a slightly different take on this. A similiar thing happened to me at the start of July.
Meet up with a friend for lunch at a restaurant. I had not seen her for 6 months - now I remember why. I had to pre-book the table - after 15 mins the waiter asked me if I wanted to order - radio silence. 30 mins she said she was running late by message - eventually she turns up 50 mins late no specific reason just 'traffic'. I had bust a gut to get there on time. It was a nice town and had I known she would be 50 mins late I could have used that time nicely shopping, or just have not rushed myself.
Fine. I was still very pleased to see her and looked forward to a 'catch up'. This involved her monologing about herself, her family and her husbands' extended family. When I tried to offer a response she just talked over me. I heard all about 3 holidays and I could not believe it. When she had exhausted talking at me (and I did ask interested questions) she then proclaimed let's go shopping. As I had been in the restaurant quite some time that was okay. I thought I might get chance to talk and share things about my life when shopping: I did not. She basically shut down any attempt, and after another 40 mins I stopped trying. Shopping was not fun - oh let's not go in that shop she said etc.
She asked me one question about my car - and when I said 'It was written off in a bad accident in Feb' there was no follow up response - like poor you, or what happened - she just said - 'but you've got another one right?' and I realised the question was just so she could talk about her new car of the same make.
We we supposed to be having coffee and cake later - but I could not face it and made my excuses and left. I felt so fed up. She was entirely selfish.

Now - this is probably a completely different situation to yours - but arriving late and not caring shows a similiar lack of consideration - and maybe she had reached her limited by teatime? We don't know - but you sound like you did not think about her.
At the end of the day - my friend sent me a message hoping to meet up again next month. No way. But I wonder if she will realise why - the lateness was just a sample of her lack of consideration.

I do not understand people who don't say anything in situations like this.

Did you not try to call them either?

This does seem really odd OP! They have either been quietly annoyed and were being passive agressive. Or could it be that they’ve double booked with someone and didn’t want to say and this would always have happened? If so - the lateness on your behalf is maybe a red herring?

This is such odd behaviour on your friend's part. All I can think is something had happened, they'd had an argument before you arrived the tension was still there so they called it a day.

Travel time/meal times so many posters seem confused, the point is you don't arrange to meet than naff off after starters. It's weird and rude.

We ate sandwiches in the car.
I never said we stopped for food

It's a discussion board, not a dissertation. And noone is compelled to respond.

I did tell them how far we'd driven to meet them, and that the kids were disappointed to have only seen them for 10 minutes. Also pointed out that I'd gone to the trouble of preparing them a nice picnic that had gone to waste and that our day had been cut short, with the six hour drive to boot, but no apology; they didn't see what they'd done wrong.

See you don’t care that you were late and I am betting that attitude came across to them in your messages.

The above post is still unclear.

’Everybody is late at some point in your life’

You mean ‘their life’

’I feel this is strong with judgement’
What does that mean? It doesn’t make sense. I don’t know why people are saying your posts are clear. They are not! It’s fine - but I think people are trying to work out whether communication style may be the issue here…

And then you have garbled on and got defensive. They may have just had enough of your attitude and unclear messages..

And you didn’t leave enough time. Being 40 minutes late is annoying.

I think that theres a strong possibility that your 'friend' is so averse to confrontation that if something pissed her off, she would rather not say anything in words, but would rather make a big passive aggressive statement, such as leaving in the middle of a meal like that.
Youre trying hard to work it out.
It may have been the lateness, but who knows really, and its not like you could have really helped that.
If it was that, surely they'd have given some indication earlier.

I wish people would use their words.

40 mins late when travelling 2.5hrs is absolutely no biggie.

Are they the sort of couple prone to scraps and flounces?

i asked because it wasn't clear if you had.

So - are you going to ask them? or are you going to do the MN thing of quietly fuming and never getting to the bottom of it?

pp lunch friend above: she wants to meet next month? TELL HER WHY NOT

Picnic on beach people? as soon as they were an hour late I'd have eaten picnic and then gone home.

What had been the discussions throughout the day? Did you talk about anything that they may have found offensive (to them). There is a lot of divide in the country at the moment

This is what I'm thinking may be the case.

And for the OP to deliberately avoid bringing it up with her friend even during the 'thank you' text, I'm guessing the OP is afraid of this too.

Maybe she finds it easier to hide her head in the sand and blame the lateness.