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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

1000 replies

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 11:02

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

OP posts:
WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 31/08/2025 20:18

MyElatedUmberFinch · 31/08/2025 20:15

Maybe the booking was too early for them.

Didn’t OP say her friend and DH made the booking?

Pedant5corner · 31/08/2025 20:19

@Didimum , OP's posts were far from clear, and she obviously had not allowed enough time. You are not adding any value to the thread, just being argumentative.
I'm hiding the thread because of you.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 31/08/2025 20:19

Pedant5corner · 31/08/2025 20:19

@Didimum , OP's posts were far from clear, and she obviously had not allowed enough time. You are not adding any value to the thread, just being argumentative.
I'm hiding the thread because of you.

Edited

Who?

OhNoNotSusan · 31/08/2025 20:20

scrolling through some of these posts is tedious.
back to school soon

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 31/08/2025 20:20

Pedant5corner · 31/08/2025 20:19

@Didimum , OP's posts were far from clear, and she obviously had not allowed enough time. You are not adding any value to the thread, just being argumentative.
I'm hiding the thread because of you.

Edited

To anyone in particular?

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 31/08/2025 20:21

Dear @TFICoffeetime, I am so sorry for all the nasty replies you have had. Perhaps those particular responders have all had a shitty day/week/life, and needed to take out their aggressive behaviour (there is nothing 'passive' aggressive'about a lot of the PP's replys) on an anonymous woman who appeared to be vulnerable because of how understandably upset she was by the inexplicable behaviour of such close friends?

(I hope that the PP who seemed to not understand that the word "close" can be legitimately applied on more than one type of occassion, was just being another horrible poster, otherwise her mummy should not have left the PP unattended while using her phone.)

If no-one else had asked for clarity after your OP, FTI, I would have done so, because, as you have since admitted yourself, it had some typos, which made it difficult to understand. But, I would have hopefully asked you in a kind and gentle way, including explaining that I could see how upset their behaviour had - quite understandably - made you.

I wasn't at all surprised that in a heightened state of anxiety, you had made some slip-ups. Also, at least one of your children had been upset by your "friends" behaviour, and anyone upsetting my children is something which makes me feel both sad for my children, and very angry, that anyone would either purposely, or even thoughtlessly, say or do something so nasty. Which I am sure would make my post a much more jumbled mess than yours, and I have not got Dyslexia!

The important thing OP is that you admitted to your typos as soon as you could after they were pointed out to you, which sadly was mainly in a very unfriendly manner. The fact that you were kind enough to keep on explaining the timeline to PP's, who had to be either very bad at comprehension, or just the sort of people who thrive on kicking someone, even when they are already on the floor...

As for your actual query OP, I think that if they - the other family - reacted, somewhat belatedly, to your lateness (which you had kept them informed about and which wasn't ridiculously late anyway) by punishing you for that lateness by changing their plans for sharing a meal with you, then at face value that is rather pathetic, especially as they didn't even explain to you why they were apparently annoyed/upset about it.

You have told us that that sort of behaviour was not how your friend would normally react, so it has made me wonder (but I have not come to any positive conclusions @Raven85) whether something else was/is going on in her life, something that has made your friend very stressed? Perhaps she only found out about it on the day you met up, or maybe it is something that she is not ready to share even with you her good friend? Of course she might have just started going through the peri-menopause, and she could be one of the very unlucky women who have a particularly hard time of it, if it is the peri it is possible that she hasn't even realised that herself...

Good luck in trying to find out TFI, whilst hopefully, in the meantime, giving her the benefit of the doubt. I am quite sure that you will ask her sensitively, as you have come across as a lovely, and considerate woman, who has really been put through the wringer by far too many of today's Mumsnetters. 🩷 🌸

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/08/2025 20:22

@Raven85 They had 45 mins before you arrived to go in there

No they didn’t.

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:22

SybTheGeek · 31/08/2025 20:11

My money is on that one. Maybe any conversation with the friend should start with "Are you ok?". If the friend didn't at some point contact me to either apologise, embarrassed, or to explain why they were so fed up with me/DH/DC/the dog then the friendship would be history, godmother or not.

Right now though, they might be half way through the final shouting pre-divorce row.

Exactly there's so many more plausible reasons than their lateness....

No one would be this rude as "revenge" for lateness.

I think her friend will need her very much in the near future. Still the way it was done is odd and cringily embarrassing.

Personally my money is on they didnt expect it to be so expensive and they found out as they went in when op was late. They had a drink and booked the one near home.

They didn't want to tell OP it was to expensive so put her through this instead. Could be that one of them has a drink problem also but both are more plausible than the lateness theory. I really wish she hadnt been late because then she wouldnt be sat there blaming herself.

NoThanksNeeded · 31/08/2025 20:22

OP your posts are hugely confusing and when people ask for clarification you've been incredibly rude and argumentative which does make one wonder if you are like that with your friends

But I would bet they'd had an argument before you arrived or something and were just desperate to get home and away from playing "happy families". Their daughter being upset would add to that

I know you're adamant that it was them judging you and they absolutely went somewhere else (even though you haven't spoken to them) but I think you're wrong

NamechangeNightNurse · 31/08/2025 20:24

Alternative viewpoint
Perhaps they are very strapped for cash
Didn't realise, had a starter and to save face said they were having an alternative dinner but actually they just went home

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 31/08/2025 20:25

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 31/08/2025 20:21

Dear @TFICoffeetime, I am so sorry for all the nasty replies you have had. Perhaps those particular responders have all had a shitty day/week/life, and needed to take out their aggressive behaviour (there is nothing 'passive' aggressive'about a lot of the PP's replys) on an anonymous woman who appeared to be vulnerable because of how understandably upset she was by the inexplicable behaviour of such close friends?

(I hope that the PP who seemed to not understand that the word "close" can be legitimately applied on more than one type of occassion, was just being another horrible poster, otherwise her mummy should not have left the PP unattended while using her phone.)

If no-one else had asked for clarity after your OP, FTI, I would have done so, because, as you have since admitted yourself, it had some typos, which made it difficult to understand. But, I would have hopefully asked you in a kind and gentle way, including explaining that I could see how upset their behaviour had - quite understandably - made you.

I wasn't at all surprised that in a heightened state of anxiety, you had made some slip-ups. Also, at least one of your children had been upset by your "friends" behaviour, and anyone upsetting my children is something which makes me feel both sad for my children, and very angry, that anyone would either purposely, or even thoughtlessly, say or do something so nasty. Which I am sure would make my post a much more jumbled mess than yours, and I have not got Dyslexia!

The important thing OP is that you admitted to your typos as soon as you could after they were pointed out to you, which sadly was mainly in a very unfriendly manner. The fact that you were kind enough to keep on explaining the timeline to PP's, who had to be either very bad at comprehension, or just the sort of people who thrive on kicking someone, even when they are already on the floor...

As for your actual query OP, I think that if they - the other family - reacted, somewhat belatedly, to your lateness (which you had kept them informed about and which wasn't ridiculously late anyway) by punishing you for that lateness by changing their plans for sharing a meal with you, then at face value that is rather pathetic, especially as they didn't even explain to you why they were apparently annoyed/upset about it.

You have told us that that sort of behaviour was not how your friend would normally react, so it has made me wonder (but I have not come to any positive conclusions @Raven85) whether something else was/is going on in her life, something that has made your friend very stressed? Perhaps she only found out about it on the day you met up, or maybe it is something that she is not ready to share even with you her good friend? Of course she might have just started going through the peri-menopause, and she could be one of the very unlucky women who have a particularly hard time of it, if it is the peri it is possible that she hasn't even realised that herself...

Good luck in trying to find out TFI, whilst hopefully, in the meantime, giving her the benefit of the doubt. I am quite sure that you will ask her sensitively, as you have come across as a lovely, and considerate woman, who has really been put through the wringer by far too many of today's Mumsnetters. 🩷 🌸

Wow! How dare you come onto this thread and be so kind and level headed? Shame on you! 🌼❤️

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:27

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/08/2025 20:22

@Raven85 They had 45 mins before you arrived to go in there

No they didn’t.

They didnt? Op was 45 mins late and it was a local restaurant/country in?

How can we know where they waited? Has she said that and I missed it?

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/08/2025 20:28

@Raven85 Personally my money is on they didnt expect it to be so expensive and they found out as they went in when op was late.

They were the ones who booked it, and OP wasn’t late for the meal.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/08/2025 20:29

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:27

They didnt? Op was 45 mins late and it was a local restaurant/country in?

How can we know where they waited? Has she said that and I missed it?

OP has indeed said it, and yes, you’ve missed it.

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:29

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/08/2025 20:28

@Raven85 Personally my money is on they didnt expect it to be so expensive and they found out as they went in when op was late.

They were the ones who booked it, and OP wasn’t late for the meal.

I'm not saying she was.... yes they booked it but probably didn't see the prices.

They arrived 45 mins to the village before OP.... So they could have gone in for a drink whilst they waited and seen the menu and the prices....

abouttogetlynched · 31/08/2025 20:31

So many inns! I feel like I’m in Bethlehem during Jesus times!

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:31

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/08/2025 20:29

OP has indeed said it, and yes, you’ve missed it.

I haven't missed it... im well aware she was late for the start of the day and not the meal but.....

Has she said where the friends went to wait for her and I missed it?

Marieb19 · 31/08/2025 20:32

I think you're getting a very rough ride although your initial post could have been a bit clearer. I hate people being late and I'm assuming it isn't our normal behaviour, which would be annoying. However, I can't understand how friends could two time you on dinner. Very poor form.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 31/08/2025 20:32

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:29

I'm not saying she was.... yes they booked it but probably didn't see the prices.

They arrived 45 mins to the village before OP.... So they could have gone in for a drink whilst they waited and seen the menu and the prices....

Eh?
They all met up, went wild swimming, then walked around and ended up in the restaurant.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 31/08/2025 20:33

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:27

They didnt? Op was 45 mins late and it was a local restaurant/country in?

How can we know where they waited? Has she said that and I missed it?

I think you must have missed the part about them having a walk, and then a wild swim together in a river, before they all went into the pub at the agreed time?

WearyAuldWumman · 31/08/2025 20:33

Catladyof7 · 31/08/2025 17:44

Bloody hell…wow !
What a comment.
I i have said , i am adult, go to the loo before i leave the house in a car ( or anywhere ).
Have you ever considered anyone else and their health ?
I have occasionally been bursting for the loo doing a 35 minute journey .
We arent all camels ‼️

When I was a teen, I needed frequent toilet stops - particularly when I was still getting used to periods and so on.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/08/2025 20:33

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:31

I haven't missed it... im well aware she was late for the start of the day and not the meal but.....

Has she said where the friends went to wait for her and I missed it?

Are you suggesting the friends booked a table for 7 people and didn’t look at the prices? That’s…..unusual.

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 31/08/2025 20:34

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:29

I'm not saying she was.... yes they booked it but probably didn't see the prices.

They arrived 45 mins to the village before OP.... So they could have gone in for a drink whilst they waited and seen the menu and the prices....

But then if that was the case, that being before they all went walking and swimming etc, would you not have expected them at some point in those three hours to have said “listen, we popped in there for a quick drink and the menu looked mediocre/toilets were dirty/any non money related excuse. Let’s can that place and book somewhere else that we know is much nicer?” Rather than the smash and dash performance? Wouldn’t it have been so much more straightforward and less likely to cause upset?

amtrying · 31/08/2025 20:36

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 31/08/2025 20:21

Dear @TFICoffeetime, I am so sorry for all the nasty replies you have had. Perhaps those particular responders have all had a shitty day/week/life, and needed to take out their aggressive behaviour (there is nothing 'passive' aggressive'about a lot of the PP's replys) on an anonymous woman who appeared to be vulnerable because of how understandably upset she was by the inexplicable behaviour of such close friends?

(I hope that the PP who seemed to not understand that the word "close" can be legitimately applied on more than one type of occassion, was just being another horrible poster, otherwise her mummy should not have left the PP unattended while using her phone.)

If no-one else had asked for clarity after your OP, FTI, I would have done so, because, as you have since admitted yourself, it had some typos, which made it difficult to understand. But, I would have hopefully asked you in a kind and gentle way, including explaining that I could see how upset their behaviour had - quite understandably - made you.

I wasn't at all surprised that in a heightened state of anxiety, you had made some slip-ups. Also, at least one of your children had been upset by your "friends" behaviour, and anyone upsetting my children is something which makes me feel both sad for my children, and very angry, that anyone would either purposely, or even thoughtlessly, say or do something so nasty. Which I am sure would make my post a much more jumbled mess than yours, and I have not got Dyslexia!

The important thing OP is that you admitted to your typos as soon as you could after they were pointed out to you, which sadly was mainly in a very unfriendly manner. The fact that you were kind enough to keep on explaining the timeline to PP's, who had to be either very bad at comprehension, or just the sort of people who thrive on kicking someone, even when they are already on the floor...

As for your actual query OP, I think that if they - the other family - reacted, somewhat belatedly, to your lateness (which you had kept them informed about and which wasn't ridiculously late anyway) by punishing you for that lateness by changing their plans for sharing a meal with you, then at face value that is rather pathetic, especially as they didn't even explain to you why they were apparently annoyed/upset about it.

You have told us that that sort of behaviour was not how your friend would normally react, so it has made me wonder (but I have not come to any positive conclusions @Raven85) whether something else was/is going on in her life, something that has made your friend very stressed? Perhaps she only found out about it on the day you met up, or maybe it is something that she is not ready to share even with you her good friend? Of course she might have just started going through the peri-menopause, and she could be one of the very unlucky women who have a particularly hard time of it, if it is the peri it is possible that she hasn't even realised that herself...

Good luck in trying to find out TFI, whilst hopefully, in the meantime, giving her the benefit of the doubt. I am quite sure that you will ask her sensitively, as you have come across as a lovely, and considerate woman, who has really been put through the wringer by far too many of today's Mumsnetters. 🩷 🌸

Superb post 👏
I would call your friend and ask if all ok .X

soupyspoon · 31/08/2025 20:36

Where is this place anyway? My vote is the Cotswolds somewhere

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