Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

Not too late to message her now.
just say “I should’ve asked you at the time but I felt a bit too shocked to. Have I got my wires crossed as I thought we’d arranged to have a meal out together? What changed? Hope we haven’t upset you in any way but I’d rather know so we can put it right”.

That's almost too adult like for this world.
Positive rep for the maturity.

But just to clarify, is that lunch or dinner. Who aims to eat at like 4pm. I thought that was just me as I only have 2 meals a day.

In the context of the OP, I'm trying to understand if therr would be a need to rush off to eat another meal at another restaurant. Seems like rather odd behaviour by OPs friends.

All of her posts make sense to me. Grammar errors and typos don’t take away from this if you have a proficient level of reading comprehension.

Agree

Yes thats a nice message

Also, as so frequently on these threads, I dont know why people badger the OP about 'why didnt you say something at the time'

Sometimes people cant find the words, sometims they're still processing the information, sometimes they have kids with them and its not appropriate.

Why are you so accusatory? Telling OP she “conveniently” left something out that it’s quite clear she hasn’t picked up on, hence her post asking whether it might have been her lateness that caused them to leave? If she knew she had offended them at dinner then she wouldn’t be confused about why they left. If you’re not going to be kind and helpful, why bother posting on mumsnet?

OP, people are being tediously contrary as usual and asking pointless questions. The overall message of your OP was clear.

Them disappearing was an extremely odd thing to do. Even if they were annoyed at you being a bit late. It is rude and weird behaviour that does not conform to social norms in any kind of way. To disappear from a booked meal with friends to eat elsewhere is unusual behaviour. No wonder it felt odd.

I would distance myself really.

And don’t bother replying to the pointless faux-confused questions from others.

Nothing. But of course feel free to wildly speculate.
It had everything to do with being late. They clearly decided that & booked it when we weren't there. Then felt guilty - there behaviour with each other not consistent. If they had an issue or were offended is it not right to say/ask.

I will be asking them. I just was so thrown at the time. Even the waitress felt sorry for us.

You've decided I'm to blame rather than the fact didn't have to share. I'm genuinely upset & took accountability for being late but it did not need to impact the day or meal. That was their decision as grown adults to behave in that way.

I think it’s just a dinnery lunch, let’s call it a drunch? Similar to brunch but at the other end of the day 😁if having drunch, we eat a big or later breakfast to get us through the lunch hour, or stop off at cafe before the walk and get a small bite & coffee to see us through until drunch.

edited to add answer to your question - there would be no dinner after drunch so it would be very off to rush off to a dinner and if you did have to (because you’d tried to cram too much into your day) then this would be made clear to everyone at the outset.

We eat lunch very very late, usually around that time

But OP wasnt eating lunch, the other party had booked an early eveing meal for around 5

Sorry OP. When you say ‘it had everything to do with being late’.

Does that mean you do believe they were pissed off that you were late? (I’m not saying they are right to be).

Doesn’t excuse their shitty behaviour. I’m just making sure I understand.

And what does ‘their behaviour not consistent with each’ other mean’? That they were unhappy with each other and arguing? Did you sense that before dinner?

Because you've confused someone posting a different situation in mine. Read then comment

So rude of them. Sod ‘em!

Haven’t read the full thread, but from page 1 it seems to me as thought something was ‘off’, but I don’t think it was the lateness. Could it be something else that they took exception to? Did all the conversation go smoothly?

It’s really rude, I’d be so annoyed and upset if I drove 2.5 hours and they left after starters to go to another restaurant… it would feel so awkward!
I would definitely ask them about it, and probably not meet up with them again unless they’re willing to drive nearer to you

If you decide to meet with these people again I'd be clarifying if they actually intend to stay for a whole meal or not.

Love you. Taking the higher ground after tagging me to call me smug, refusing to read the actual previous post I offered to OP when signposted to it and then tattling to the mumsnet police and running away while pretending you're dismissing me to save face.

What are you talking about @@SaladAndChipsForTea?

What am I saving face on?

You were the poster who said to avoid lateness you would have left your dog & teen at home or stayed over* I thought that was a ridiculous thing to say & utterly pointless. Of course you are not going to agree with me because you wrote it! There is zero point in engaging further as our minds think completely differently so I was happy to ignore you.

But you are now accusing me of running to the MNs police & reporting which I haven't done. Ask MNs if you don't believe me.

Are you equally close to both of them?

From what you’ve posted it sounds like one (him?) hatched the plan to go to the other pub because he was pissed off you were late, and the other (her?) wasn’t so keen but went along with it and that was the cause of the tension between them?

Maybe the lateness was the catalyst, but it sounds like there must be some pre-existing strains in the friendship.

Just ask your friend why she left the restaurant early? You were rude for being 40 minutes late. You should have really factored some contingencies into a 2.5 hour drive. You don’t just leave2.5 hours before meeting. That’s crazy! They were rude for leaving after starters and being abrupt.
So you have nothing to lose just asking the question. If she doesn’t like confrontation then fine, but asking a question isn’t confrontational.

You've said that the wife was weird about paying. Did you discuss how you were going to split the bill at all?

Any chance that your "friends" picked somewhere £££ expecting that you'd be psying for them?

Do you have proof that they actually did go to the nice restaurant near them after they left?

Being a good earner doesn't mean they might not be having money worries. Given the wife's response when the bill came, this makes far more sense than them being upset because you were late.

Yes people have all day to just build in extra hours for long journeys. A 20 minute buffer yes perhaps, but you cant leave hours and hours earlier than needed thats barmy

OP, recently there was a thread on here about a childs birthday party, was arranged for the afternoon apparently, the friends and family who were invited were 3 hours late. The dad of the friends turned up but the rest of them were missing and he kept saying to the host they'll be here 'any minute'. WHich of course they were not

Were your mesages to your friend a bit like that? Vague and unrealistic in terms of timing?

Well they don’t to me and I have a proficient level of reading comprehension thanks. Half of it is contradictory gibberish - often within the same sentence.

@TFICoffeetime are you a 2nd language speaker?

Maybe this has nothing to do with your or your family, OP?

It’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Maybe they had an argument before you arrived and just wanted to get home? Do you know for sure that they went and ate somewhere else? Maybe that was just a rubbish excuse made up on the spot? Maybe they had double booked themselves but were too embarrassed to admit it?

I think I’d be texting today to ask if everything is ok as it was weird for them to just up and leave half way through the meal.

Last week I managed to drive from the south of Italy to a wedding in Cumbria, and wasn't late. It takes planning and a lack of it is disrespectful. 5 minutes is one thing but not there's no excuse for 40.

Not even accidents, road closures and diversions that are completely out of your control?