Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

Love you. Taking the higher ground after tagging me to call me smug, refusing to read the actual previous post I offered to OP when signposted to it and then tattling to the mumsnet police and running away while pretending you're dismissing me to save face. Cute.

I'm going by your posts, matey, I didn't say I was right!

Everyone, take out your copy books and please find a time of day that fits the below criteria:

1. Several hours before 5.30pm
2. After lunch

This does sound very bizarre behaviour from them. Were they a bit off before you sat to eat? Did you get a vibe?
Im shocked (or am I?!) about the response from people about being late. You’d driven 2.5 hours! The motorway was shut. Sometimes it can’t be helped. And not everyone can account for another hour on top to ensure they’re not late. I once got stuck for 7 hours on a motorway. These things happen!

It is very rude of them to leave. Maybe they’d had a row. I’d consider not meeting them in the future. X

OP was your plan originally let's meet up for a day out?

Then it became an afternoon out.

Then it became you being very late to the afternoon out?

Could they be annoyed that instead of a full day out it was a few hours? And your friend felt annoyed and just wanted to go home?

What is your friendship usually like?? Just curious as you drove further and it sounds like they have more money than you. I'm curious what the friendship dynamics are usually like.

I think all you can do is ASK your friend? She may well not say anything to clear the air but at least you have tried to communicate then directly like an adult and tried to air any problems.

Going forward I'd not be doing a 5 hour round trip to meet someone who felt it was okay to ditch us half way through a planned meal out.

To add, I'd be annoyed if you were so late to a planned "day out". I do have people in my life like this who are often late and I just plan that they will be late but it's still annoying! Friend might be annoyed at that, or something else, who knows. If she can't be direct and communicate properly about things she won't keep friendships going for long which is a shame.

Perhaps it wasn't you, perhaps it was a domestic between them and her OH said he wouldn't stay any longer or wanted to eat closer to home. Couples do sometimes disagree on plans the other arranges.
Or perhaps looked at the menu or restaurant ambiance and didn't like it? More sense that it was a decision later or why bother with a starter.
Was there any awkwardness between the adults or kids just before the meal?
Could they have thought the booking was a lunch meal not evening meal? 5:30 is a funny time to eat a 3 course meal. I had a friend who would book meals for 6pm when most of our group of friends were used to eating nearer 8pm and we just had no appetite.
I guess it was because you had a long drive back though.
Tbh though if I arrived on time and had to wait 40 mins with my kids while you had a leisurely journey stopping for lunch, toilets and to walk the dog we would have been fuming but I always aim to arrive early in case there is traffic. Letting people know why with excuses like that would have made me more annoyed. And why were you taking a car sick teen on such a long journey, doesn't seem fair to them but we'll done for getting them in the car, my teen boy would have refused to go and stayed home with the dog

This. I really don’t understand what went on other than that you were late. I assumed initially your daughter must have been a toddler. Why did you need to stop for a teenager to go to the toilet, she should have gone before you left.

People don’t factor in 60% more travel time unless there is a severe, known issue. That’s bizarre.

OP wrote ‘they said at order they were just having starters’.

Which I guess means they only ordered starters. And informed OP of their plans at that point.

And then she also explains that they had a disagreement (the couple) about paying their bill (he wanted to add extra she didn’t). But then the OP also alluded to the fact she paid extra for them. Which is why I think an argument between the couple is likely.

You may think the reasons for them being late are all just waffle.. that’s fine. I think it was relevant to work out if they were pissed off with her or not..

I don't find the idea of stopping a for a wee on a 2.5 hour journey strange in the slightest. And I don't mind if a friend does so on the way to meet me! It's really not a big deal between friends, is it?

I know it’s easy to make typos on a phone etc but could you maybe at least think about giving your posts a scan before you post them to check they actually make sense. Most of them don’t, and then you seem to get huffy when people question them.

Ive read the vast majority of the thread.

I think what happened is this

OP has an unfortunate communication style, not her fault.

Was running late, contrary to many posters, I also feel thats not her fault, people got to wee/be sick/dog needs a wee, that is par for the course, she said she factored that in and probably did but then there was traffic, it happens, no one needs to be leaving hours and hours earlier than need be, so she was late

But,,,, big but, OPs style of communication or that of her partner (who is no doubt similar to her) may well have confused and pissed off the other party

So while they're milling about waiting, going to shops having a milkshake or whatever, they're getting more and more pissed off and wondering if they'll ever turn up and if so, how the afternoon will run as planned, is there going to be enough time, blah blah blah

So while all thats going on, they book another table somewhere so they get dinner nearer home, at somewhere they like a bit better. They leave the other table reservation in place just in case or so that OP wont be left without a table if and when they arrive.

That must be it. Not sure why they didnt communicate this initially. Perhaps they are also very very odd.

We ordered together. They ordered starter & said we've decided to go to another restaurant it's our favourite and it's close to home.
I made no comment I was shocked.
My daughter ordered a main and my husband asked if starters and main could be brought out together.
They are their starters quick & got up while we were eating to say goodbye. I was fighting tears back when they left. We didn't want to stay at the place they booked but couldn't be bothered to stay. They paid their share of bill
We finished meal paid. We all felt flat so decided have a walk then drive somewhere on way home for pudding. So glad we did as that was lovely and fun, sat playing cards, eating. No tension.
The meal we had with them was v expensive and we would have gone elsewhere if we realised they weren't staying but by then enough scene been made with that & children had already chosen their mains. Xxx

To me the weirdest aspect of this whole saga is the wild swimming before the walk. I wouldn’t want to eat a three course meal in a lovely country inn all damp and grimy. A sandwich and an ice cream in the open air, fine -- but not a posh meal.

Maybe is was just divergent expectations of how the day would pan out? It’s hard to see that the lateness is the main trigger factor. I would have been ok with that, while finding it slightly annoying. The OP doesn’t provide much insight into the mood or vibe of the day and how her friends were.

I think there was something going on with your friend and husband that you aren't aware of and probably doesn't involve you.

I think you just caught up in the crossfire

Just shocked. Kids there. Felt uncomfortable. Looking back wish had but they were so quick.
I was hurt. Still am. This is someone I've been there for & known a long time.

@Dery, The way you have presented this is rather confusing, OP, but I think the position is that you were 40 minutes late meeting your friends for the planned afternoon activities but that this had no effect whatsoever on dinner which wasn’t happening until 7 pm.

I'm pages behind, but the table was booked for 5 p.m. for 7 people. Three of those people left the table at 5.30 p.m.

I've read the OP's posts, but not all other posts. Despite warnings about internet detectives, here's a theory.

The OP said 'I feel this friend has become very rigid & inconsistent with me. She even got stressed paying their part of the bill. We would have paid more. Her husband who is the earner wanted to leave but extra, she didn't and we had to sit and watch their disagreement making us feel uncomfortable. They have good income and where off to a "very good" restaurant so it seemed an odd disagreement. '

My theory is that OP, you are beating yourself up for nothing. Your friends were in the middle of a massive row and wanted to head off because they needed to finish it off. Nothing to do with being 40 mins late (which I don't see as unreasonable on a 2.5 hour journey. I've waited longer than that for a friend to join me from the other side of London, with him keeping in touch about it)

I missed some pages out so didnt see this

By waffle I mean that people nitpicking about how big a bladder is these days, apparently a 2.5hr drive means some can hold it that long. Not me, that would be a 3 stopper.

But its how that was communicated to the other party, not the waffle of the average poster trying to pull apart travel sickness and dog behaviour etc etc. That is not relevant.

We all get dleayed in journeys, of late, in the last few years at least, I cant think of one journey that has gone to plan that is across country, despite there apparently being no traffic issues, there always always is. Sudden and not documented road closures, accidents, speed restrictions (is there a motorway in the country these days that actually drives at 70 now I wonder....)

But how did OP present this, bright and breezy and no clear plan. Was she going on about various things for the day and not being clear about what was going to happen or not happen?

Even taking all of that into account, I still think having starters then leaving is bloody weird..Do you think something else came up and they didn't want to say what. Otherwise it sounds like some kind of quite extreme passive aggressive behaviour. If you are good friends and had a good day together then suddenly out of the blue....that. If I had a friend like that I'd be re- thinking the relationship. Are you sure you are good friends ?

Did she see that you were close to tears? And that your daughter was upset? I think this is also relevant - if she did and didn’t care then she is pissed off at you for some reason. If she didn’t then she may be in the middle of issues/argument with DH.

If I’d had an argument with my DH I’d still be kind to my friend if I left early. Was she? Has she replied to your text?

I think all these things are important..

We are getting one side of the story that doesn't explain the rude thing you clearly did to cause this reaction.

Nobody gets up and leaves mid way through a dinner after a nice day for no reason. Something clearly happened (obviously separate to arriving late, they are unrelated events hours later) that offended them enough to cut the day short and left mid meal... you conveniently left that part out which is why non of this makes sense (although your writing is wildly confusing too).

What did you say or do AT DINNER to offend them?

We had place to change. Both families enjoy wild swim. It's really not unusual where we were.
We walked, swam, changed into evening clothes.
Not sure if that is weird just different to what you would do. X

All of her posts make sense to me. Grammar errors and typos don’t take away from this if you have a proficient level of reading comprehension.

I'm.starting to wonder if when you were late and sending texts she was sitting there plotting revenge. " Right Dave, we'll show them..When we go to eat , we're gonna leave after the first course. "

People have been awful on here for a very long time, OP. Bored people who get a kick over being deliberately nasty, raking over non-existent details and making shit up. Just ignore them and don’t waste your energy.

There’s no telling why they did what they did, but it’s very rude.

And yes, being late is part of life sometimes, and if they can’t handle a 40 minute delay on what was intended to be a 5-6hr day out together doing very casual activities, then that’s their issue.