Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

No, her question is whether their friends’ behaviour was strange/rude. Hence the discussion in the replies.

Amazing how many people are telling you you’re unclear and conflicting - and yet there are also multiple posters who can understand perfectly clearly what happened (after your first two/three posts anyway).

It’s almost as if some people aren’t very good at reading and understanding

If I was meeting friends and they had a 2.5 hour journey and I had a 1 hour one, I would feel awful for them to have their journey further extended by a motorway closure, most people would feel the same (in my world).
I doubt very much the 40 mins, on a nice day when they could wander around or just chill, is anything to do with their subsequent bizarre behaviour at the pub.
OP, I would honestly ask them about it, it is so odd. I understand why you were shocked and unwilling to make any kind of scene at the time. Maybe ask how the meal went and state that your family were very taken aback by their departure and you would like to understand if it was something you did?

You said your daughter thought your friend was mean. Why did she say that? It sounds like your daughter picked up on something you were oblivious to?

Let's face it, lovely. In your case, it's just one meaning only.
Make more friends.

It’s honestly sad - sometimes I have to remind myself that mumsnet is a cross section of society and many people commenting will be completely off their rocker/literally drunk so have to take comments with a grain of salt.

Especially the posters who obsessively hone in on an irrelevant detail, trying to catch OP out and are super aggressive/unhelpful/insulting - I wish there was a report button for these kind of posters, it’s not “personal attack” but maybe a report of “not in the spirit of mumsnet” or something like that. It makes mumsnet very unpleasant at times.

@minipie I do find comprehension is often lacking here.

This is a good point. Did DD explain why she thought friend was mean?

OP you’re getting a lot of flack here.

Bottomline your friends did behave oddly, no question. I also think leaving you in the lurch borders rudeness and is at the least very inconsiderate. I would also feel hurt and confused in the same situation. There are many possible reasons they left, but rather than speculate further will just say what I think I would do next if I were in your shoes.

Cool off period - step away for a while
(you’ve sent a message and photos so no need to message further)

Pop this one on the back burner and make plans with other friends instead (sane, reliable ones preferably)

Re-assess the friendship outside of this incident when you’ve had some distance/ head space. Aka history of the friendship and whether there is still value in it.

Carefully consider whether further long distance meet ups with these people is worth it. Based on the negative impact it’s had, I wouldn’t be rushing to book another date with them imo

But I think a lot of posters are just bored, choose to be contrary, obtuse etc so they can lay into the OP.

No but I probably eat at places where the staff have a better grasp of menu language!

Absolutely agree. It's not remotely helpful and spoils what could be a useful platform

The whole point of the thread is to work out why her friends left early and if they were rude/strange to do so.

Many on this thread are trying to figure out if they were offended by her being 40 minutes late. Most people would factor in a bit of traffic and a wee stop to ensure they were on time to meet friends. Not hours but a bit. That is why people are mentioning this. Because some people would be pissed off if you were 40 minutes to meet them and hadn’t factored in a bit of extra time.

OP texts ‘bit of traffic - running late.’ Then ‘just stopped for a wee break’ then ‘DS a bit travel sick and we are giving the dog a stretch of his legs’ That potentially could have pissed then off (though I don’t think it did really).

She was enjoying playing with friends daughter at table & chatting and thought her daughter looked sad when they were going

I don’t see people laying in to the OP. Just seeking a bit of clarification that’s all.

OP YANBU snd there’s some absolute arseholes on this thread. If my close friend who is usually on time is late after travelling 2.5 hours to see me I’d be fine and just happy to have a nice day out.

They were exceptionally weird and rude. Anyone who is still blaming you for their terrible rudeness as you were late (for once) is just the typical mumsnet weirdo who attacks people for no reason and is probably shaking and crying right now because the postman rang their doorbell.

Ok I’m lolling at the doorbell bit!

Really weird behaviour. Especially as they chose the restaurant.

Not sure if I have missed it and you have already said but when did you find out they were only staying for starters? Was it during the meal of before you sat down and were doing the other activities?
If it was during the meal could it be you or your family have upset them with something you have said and they decided to end the meal and go elsewhere? Or maybe they were polite and ate starters with you all and you actually said something during the day that made them change their plans?

@TFICoffeetime

I think this might not have anything to do with you arriving late. What was the atmosphere like between the couple whilst you were there?

I wonder if they’d had a serious disagreement beforehand and realised that they couldn’t keep up the ‘Happy Families’ pretence much longer so one of them came up with the ‘going to another restaurant’ story as they couldn’t come up with a better explanation about wanting to leave early?

Op wrote the opening post quickly like many of us do and didn’t put in all details but she did very shortly after. Typing on phone sometimes lead to typos and mistakes like it happened in her Op regarding distance.
Anyways, the poster above you is being unfair for having a go at op for going to another place to have a pudding. They booked it for 2 families, one left after starter, OP’s family had their main meal and then went to another place for pudding. Maybe their moods were a bit dampened their considering friends left a planned dinner and they needed a change of scenery.

Have you ever considered that some posters (me, for example) may not reside in the UK? I’m pretty sure the menu designers in eateries Australia wide, have a fair grasp of “menu language”.

Try not being so close minded sometimes, it can come in handy in not looking, well, uncultured.

Oh, sorry… 🤣.

They should find a hobby. Rather than goading someone already upset & asking for advice, not toxic memes or off the point criticisms.

Their behaviour was really odd.

And is not explained by anything else that happened earlier in the day.

They could have suggested you all go to the other restaurant. Is there any reason the other would not have been suitable for you all?

They could have said ‘listen guys this is really embarrassing and we are so sorry but we accidentally double booked to meet family / other friends at other restaurant’.

But just to disappear with no explanation, after a lovely day…. Odd

I would message them “enjoyed seeing you, we were a bit perplexed by your vanishing act to xxxx restaurant… was it good?’

100% 😂😂😂