Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

‘She’ and ‘her’ was your DS and ‘he’ earlier. It’s just so muddled the whole thing!

Apparently her posts are not confusing at all…

It's really strange & why I'm baffled.
My children were hungry so went straight to mains & their starters came out together but because they were smaller, they finished & left.
They said at order we are just having starters but we were unclear on whether they were really going to go off to another restaurant when they booked this one. They finished while we were still eating and left. They gave hugs but felt awkward. As we were nearer their home, we drove back towards ours & had pudding & card game at an inn bit closer. Rather than sit across two large tables with the other family having left. It was a weird ambience. It is a popular scenic spot so plenty of people that benefitted from us going. Why stay in a restaurant that was meant to be spent with friends.

Their behaviour was very strange and rude.

I would ask them why they left after starters. They could have at least left before the meal.

I think them leaving was to do with you being late, 40 mins late is a long time but them leaving was a lot worse than you being late.

Look, yes you were late but you apologised and FFS- you were driving a round trip of 5 hours to see them whereas your rude friends only had a 2 hour round trip.

You were making far more of an effort to travel to them than they were to you so I think they should have been more gracious about the lateness considering you were essentially putting yourself out far more than they were.

Their behaviour is weird, rude and odd and in future I would make it crystal clear that you WILL NOT be travelling double the distance to see them if they're going to leave early. It's just not worth the effort for you. You can phrase that in a polite and civil manner but to be honest, if I was you I would step back from these people.

They sound rude and petty.

Really weird behaviour. Can’t believe the flack you’re getting here. I would have to mention it to her!

Or refer to diff people.
I think your semantics taken you off the question. Plenty have been able to understand the gist of the AIBU scenario. I'm here to explain a situation and get advice, your here to pull apart typos or read other people's post that have inferred totally different events. Don't stay if you just want to argue on a post.
Don't mind people disagreeing but in a way that is balanced & constructive x

I wonder whether this is actually nothing to do with your behaviour. More likely that the first restaurant they booked was in reality not to their taste, ie nothing on the menu main courses they wanted to eat or special dietary requirements. You also didn’t seem to care for it much as you went elsewhere for desserts. I think it’s a little odd they told you they were actually going somewhere else, and not just make a polite excuse such as one of their party having a headache, other than that I’ve no idea.
If they are good friends and this is the first time you’ve experienced anything like this I’d just let it go this one time.

300 posts and nobody has any idea what your question is, OP.

You were late, you’ve made every excuse under the sun, you’ve been told by dozens of people that this was rude, but you’re still trying to claim that it’s not, and it’s not your fault anyway, it’s because of your child or your dog or the road, and they should be fine because they’d had some ice cream so what’s their problem, you’re not late that often and so they should suck it up when you barrel up almost an hour late full of reasons it’s everyone else’s fault but yours!

I do not for one minute think you’re giving us the full story here.

What are you actually hoping to get from this thread?

So, you spent over 3 hours with them including having a bite to eat? I don't really see a problem. They decided to take off and spend some time alone. I would have thought that 3 hours was enough given that you had a long drive ahead of you.

I think I would have been a bit peeved too if I had another type of day planned in my head, but I would have got over it because they obviously wanted something different. You should encourage your children to get over it too.

The whole day seems not that well planned with each of you having different expectations. Next time they should come closer to you. Or you should take the train.

You were really late which would be annoying. I’m presuming they left to to go for food elsewhere as payback. However you had driven a lot further than them. It would be fairer to meet in the middle. Bringing the dog sounds like a faff having to stop midway etc. I think if frievds can’t communicate honestly it’s not a great friendship. Yes you updated them but they were allowed to be annoyed.

Kind rationale chat

We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.

I don’t think teenagers are an excuse for running late.

In what world is it not rude for someone to leave in the middle of a meal that they have booked at a restaurant with another family?

And actually, the only normalish thing about the meal was the OP and her family going somewhere else for dessert - whenever I book at a restaurant, I’ll just ask for a table for 6pax at 19:00. I don’t specify how many courses I want, so if all I end up eating is an entree and a main, or even just a main, that’s perfectly normal imo. Maybe there’s nothing on the dessert menu anyone fancies, so we go to an ice cream parlour or specific dessert type venue. Or go somewhere else for a couple of cocktails 🤷🏼‍♀️

Even only ending up being hungry enough for an entree isn’t a biggie, I think the absolute weirdest part of it was the other couple specifically stating that they were going to an entirely different restaurant without inviting OP and family to go there with them. That makes it sound like either OP/DH/kids did something at the restaurant which offended or annoyed the other family enough for them to make a stand with their actions. Which definitely does sound very passive aggressive rather than just say why they were upset and wanted to leave.

I think maybe they had a private disagreement beforehand and just wanted to go home.

There isn’t really anything you did wrong. You brought the dog because they requested it. You were 40 minutes late due to a diversion but texted to apologise. You spent a few hours in the village and swimming with them. You had a much much longer journey than them, this wasn’t really acknowledged and they cut the meal short with no real reason. And dinner with them would probably have led to another drink, or chatting etc, so it was the rest of the evening they cut short, not just dinner. Then you texted after to say thanks for the lovely day etc.

I’d just carry on as you are and see if they text, and think about what to do then. I certainly wouldn’t drive more than an hour to meet up next time, if there is a next time of course. I kind of feel they owe you now. Not money, but they owe you some manners.

You said "We booked meal as early eve and did sandwich lunch en route."

Most people would take that to mean you stopped to buy a sandwich lunch, rather than that while not stopping you ate sandwiches you had brought with you.

What time did you originally agree to meet?

It’s fair enough that we are trying to get to the bottom of what happend and if you’re not clear then it’s a bit pointless.
First post - you stopped for DD to have a wee. Second post it’s because your DS has travel sickness.

For what it’s worth. I don’t actually think they left because you were late. I think they’d had an argument about money. Hence her being stressed about paying for a couple of starters. I’m not sure they even went to another restaurant. It was an excuse.

The way you have presented this is rather confusing, OP, but I think the position is that you were 40 minutes late meeting your friends for the planned afternoon activities but that this had no effect whatsoever on dinner which wasn’t happening until 7 pm. So you all arrived at dinner together but for some reason your friends decided just to have starters with you and go on somewhere else. Given that your family had a 5 hour round trip for this get together whereas it was just 2 hours for your friends, I agree that their behaviour seems pretty strange and rude and, in your shoes, I would be feeling pretty upset about it and struggling to understand what was going on.

Thank you. A normal constructive comment & feedback x

It’s not that odd to have a dessert at another pub. They may not have wanted anything on the menu. OP says they stayed in the area for a look around after their meal. Probably stopped for a drink in another pub before setting off home and the dessert menu was more interesting.
Far less weird than organising a meal, booking a table then suddenly leaving after starter.
I think that the friends were definitely being passive aggressive about either lateness or something else and either expect the OP to have worked out why they left or intended to “punish” the OP. My MIL would do this, it’s her default behaviour so we now ignore it.

They could have been kinder and made up a believable excuse and not caused so much confusion. A sudden case of upset tummy in one of them would have been sufficient. But booking another restaurant and being open about it is just rude and adds insult to injury.

My take on it is that they either had a late, better invite from friends at home and prioritised them. Or they had forgotten about a prearranged social event and didn’t want to let OP down but were uncomfortable explaining that they had double booked. or perhaps booked the restaurant and were expecting the OP to pay. When it became apparent this was not the arrangement they bailed because they couldn’t afford it.

But the OP was not late for dinner. She has said this. Dinner was the end of the day after walks and swimming!

I think you’re getting a tough time unfairly!

I think it’s incredibly rude of your friends. Did they get a better offer somewhere else? I’d message her asking why they thought it was ok to leave after starter?

What time were you meeting?

Agree
And you were quiet defensive when I mention 5 hours travel in one day, is a lot for a child who is car sick … I was as a child and it would have been horrendous for me.
A weeks holiday totally different.