Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

I agree, it's really weird to go for a booked meal, with friends, and leave after starters. Especially as they booked it, and bizarrely saying they have now booked in somewhere else. Very odd indeed. I'd just leave it, and see what happens, if they are normally good friends.

This ^

To me arranging to meet at the start of the day means meeting at 10am or earlier. Possibly 11 if a 2 - 3 hour drive to get there.

Despite arranging to meet at the start of the day the OP and her family decide to stop off for a sandwich lunch and various other breaks and are delayed by heavy traffic. I'm surprised they were only 40 minutes late.

Even if they arrived at noon both families do some walks and river swimming and everybody spends time together until 5:30. Sounds fine to me if there is a 2 - 3 hour return journey.

What is very odd is that the friends decide to leave the pub after starters and give what is transparently a hastily made up excuse. How could they have booked somewhere else if they'd spent at least the last 5 or 6 hours together?

Obviously something happened during the day and they decided they couldn't stand it any more and made up the first thing they could think off.

I find it equally odd that the OP's family left the first pub and went to a second one. Why didn't they ask if the first pub could move them from the table for 7 to a table for 4?

It would help if the OP could give a proper timeline: agreed meeting time at start of day; actual meeting time; time meal booked for.

[Apologies if these points have been clarified but I haven't read the whole thread]

This is actually odd. If I were meeting a friend and held up but kept them updated and halfway through a meal, they got up to eat elsewhere without a) inviting me to go with them or b) explaining why, I’d be effing livid!
Is this more your DH friend or your friend? I’d not bother speaking to them again as they clearly don’t want to spend time with you after you spent nearly 3 hrs getting to them.

You are not reading the posts so why comment
It was 2.5 hr journey - 5 hours there and back

It was an hour for our friends - 2 hours there and back.

If you think one stop on the way there because my DS needed the loo is unreasonable. I think it's more unreasonable to force her to wait. I hope you are kinder than you appear. Sometimes kids say they've been and they haven't. Either way the dog didn't do her twice morning wee and stopped at same time for that. So what's wrong with that. It's called been a good parent, a responsible dog owner. We communicated to friends we had to do quick stop. Then when we had to go off motorway and use A road for accident or whatever it was we communicated.

I think friends that are rude over that are inflexible, unaccommodating & prefer to be in a sulk than have fun. Perhaps that's you in your group. ... You comment on someone life with unreasonable comments don't not expect the same

Ok so their actions were very rude and just weird. Even if they were annoyed at you for being late, it's pathetic to just book somewhere else and leave half way through the meal, they should have just said something at the time. As it is you don't even know if they are annoyed about that or not, so it's hardly worked if their aim was to make a point as a pp suggested.

40 minutes is quite long for a delay. I can see why, perhaps if you'd messaged saying the motorway delay had added 20 mins and you then said 'and now we're just stopping for a wee,' (or made the 'teenagers' excuse you did here) that might have annoyed them but it's not as though your lateness specifically affected the only thing you actually had booked in (the meal) - sounds like it was just a bit of a moochy day, and you still mooched!

The bit I really don't get is why you left to go somewhere else for dessert as well! I feel sorry for the restaurant, they were booked for 7 people having at least 3 courses, 3 buggered off after the starter and the remaining family didn't have the desserts they'd booked either. That's really unfair for them on a Saturday evening.

OP, ignore the posts still demanding (11 pages in) to know exactly how milliseconds you stopped for on the way to meet them and why you didn't leave two weeks early to ensure you weren't late.

The key takeaway is that their behaviour was clearly very odd. But, unfortunately, the only way you're going to find out why they behaved this was is to ask them.

The people who don’t like confrontation are the ones who tend to do this weird stuff causing confrontations, but other side learns they don’t like confrontation and accepting rude behaviours. Such people are also self centred, have low tolerance for mistakes, and cannot think beyond their inconvenience like in your case your son has travel sickness and motorway was close. Next time you won’t be late when meeting them.

My suggestion is now that you saw their punishing side, don’t make such plans with them that require you to drive 5 hours.

@TFICoffeetime , you post things like this:
"If you think one stop on the way there because my DS needed the loo is unreasonable. I think it's more unreasonable to force her to wait. "
It makes your posts hard work.

It's not unreasonable to have loo breaks if needed.

It was rude of them and odd. Is there any chance you have somehow upset them (apart from the lateness).

You would change original plan to eat full meal with friends to punish them because they got late due to kid going to loo and motorway closed even when they decided to drive 5 hours to meet you? That’s not a friendship.

Trying to understand what happened in the restaurant. Normally you’d order starter and mains at the same time, so surely you knew then that they were leaving if they just had starters? You’ve assumed you being late is what caused this but it could be anything. All sounds deeply strange.

Your friends were rude and odd. Did you or your DH say something unintentionally offensive to them, or express views they disagree with? Could they be why they left? People seem very intolerant of differing opinions on things currently.

Why? It would possibly explain the communication confusion.

The OP doesn't want to know if she or her family have somehow upset them apart from the lateness.

I'm really not sure what she does want from this thread?

Their behaviour was very odd, and if you don't ask then you will never know and it will eat away at you.

Just call her and say, I can't stop thinking about the weekend, and you leaving to go elsewhere, did we do something to offend you? You need to speak as texting can cause so much confusion if people read things wrongly

OP has a dd as well (the one they needed to stop for en route so she could pee).

4 people at a table for 7 isn't exactly a huge empty table. Lots of normal family dining tables are for 6 as standard so not much difference. I think it was weird to go for desserts elsewhere (and unfair to the restaurant).

I wouldn’t bother with them again!

So what you were late! You weren’t late for the meal that was booked. I would have just enjoyed myself in the village for 40 minutes until you had arrived. Not that painful is it?!

They got pissed off and thought “we will show you!” Booked another venue or didn’t and just make a crappy excuse. Ate a starter and made the excuse to leave. Regardless of who was late, that’s a pretty mean thing to do with no real reason or explanation.

If you want them to remain in your lives, you need to speak to them about how you felt and ask why? If you are not bothered, let them go and don’t make any arrangements to do anything with them again. It depends on how you feel about it but, rest assured, it wasn’t a nice way of doing it and your feelings are validated by me 😙

I don't know why people are saying your daughter should be able to go 2.5 hours without a wee. 2.5 hours is a long journey, I don't think it's at all abnormal for someone to need the loo.

It's really hard to know exactly what time you'll arrive when you've got a long journey including motorways.

Even if your friends were annoyed about you being late (which seems a bit unreasonable if it was a one off after such a long journey), leaving part way through the meal they'd planned is very weird and rude.

Did they say at the start of the meal that they were planning to only eat starters? And then did they seem friendly when they left? Do they normally do such weird things? It's a bizarre and really rude way to behave.

5:30 pm was meal reservation. It was an early dinner for all of them. Nobody was late for this reservation.

Before dinner, they spent 3 hours exploring the village, which if op arrived early would have been 3 hours 40 mins.

So they met around 2 pm when they planned to meet 40 mins earlier, say 1:20pm or say 1:30 pm they were supposed to meet but op arrive at 2:10 pm. They spent 3 hours exploring the area.

As per original plan, they were not supposed to have lunch together. So op and her family had sandwiches in car while friend must have had in that village or wherever not relevant to the post.

Friend left the only meal they were supposed to have together (5:30 pm dinner), mid way because they found another nice restaurant near their place.

Op lived 2.5 hours driver away from this village, whereas friends lived 1 hour away.

Hope it helps.

I don’t think they left to go and eat elsewhere - I think they just wanted to leave early for some reason and used that as an excuse.

Might have been something you did - might have been something else going on with them.

They didn't meet for lunch The OP had sandwiches in the car for lunch. This was dinner after spending over 3 hours with them.

It’s unclear about whether they have two children or she’s mixing up DD and DS. First post says they have to stop to let DD go to the toilet (nothing about travel sickness). Second post it’s DS who has travel sickness and that is why they needed to stop (plus dog).

But no, according to many on here, it’s all as clear as mud…

It’s clear now - thanks for this.

This post nails it. They were acting out passive aggressively- clearly punishing you for your lateness. Passive aggressive people are the ones who "don't like confrontation".

So can I ask you to explain please, how the actual arriving at, sitting down, conversations, ordering of starters/mains etc, atmosphere during eating of said entrees went, and at what point they said “actually, we aren’t having mains we are off somewhere else” went. Was it at the beginning, while they were eating, as soon as they’d finished the entrees? It’s just all so odd and difficult to picture.