Page 11 | Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

TFICoffeetime · 2025-08-31T10:02:23+00:00

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn. We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes. We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers. I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

Holidaytimeyay · 31/08/2025 13:42

I think there could be more at play here than you are aware of, maybe they are having relationship issues and didn’t want to argue in front of you.
The only other thing I can think of is they simply weren’t enjoying the day, maybe your friendship has run its course.

PennySweeet · 31/08/2025 13:42

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 13:19

No they picked. If anything it was bit more than we would choose but we wanted to enjoy it with them.
As they choose it, I can't see why they wouldn't have liked.
I just felt shocked & looking back should have said is everything ok, but they were insistent & I felt hurt. So just did best to give them hugs and see them off. X

Show quote history

I just felt shocked & looking back should have said is everything ok, but they were insistent & I felt hurt. So just did best to give them hugs and see them off. X

I don't think you're being particularly honest here.

You sent photos and a text thanking them for the day, so you could easily have brought it up then.

It really comes across as though you're worried about what the truth might be, and blaming the lateness instead.

Soontobe60 · 31/08/2025 13:43

I’m still confused even after reading your posts.
what time did you arrange to meet?
what time did you actually meet?
what time was the table booked for?
what time did you get to the restaurant?

CatHealy · 31/08/2025 13:43

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 13:30

We didn't minimise our lateness.
We were honest and let know
How did it eat into their time, if they had time to go elsewhere.
We planned to spend a day together. No reason to cut it short without communication.
They did not communicate they had any other plans. My children were really hurt by it. She's a god mother although my daughter said she felt she was mean and rude & thought she was quite mean.
Not a pattern no.
I have 2 friend who is always late with me; one it can get frustrating but still friends and we laugh about it, the other it's a running joke between us & never spoilt our time together - we always have great fun.
I feel this friend has become very rigid & inconsistent with me. She even got stressed paying their part of the bill. We would have paid more. Her husband who is the earner wanted to leave but extra, she didn't and we had to sit and watch their disagreement making us feel uncomfortable. They have good income and where off to a "very good" restaurant so it seemed an odd disagreement. We told them not to worry we would settle up. We are quite generous though we are not well off, we saved for meal. Just sad we ate 50% alone.

But when you meet for a meal you often plan to have some time together before don't you? It can feel rushed if you meet and go straight into the meal. Just because you joke about other friends lateness doesn't make it OK. I know it wasn't your fault you were late, but I am not sure that it's OK to now be finding everything wrong with your friend - you doing that is actually quite revealing because it suggests that you don't like her that much and therefore don't think being late for her is a big deal. She'll have picked up on this.

Anyahyacinth · 31/08/2025 13:43

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 11:24

To be clear. It's 2.5 HR drive for us so 5 roundtrip
For the other family 1 HR, so 2 hour roundtrip.
We have apologised for lateness.
We booked meal as early eve and did sandwich lunch en route.
The meal was booked for all of us. But on the day they decided to cut short and left after starters to go to a different restaurant.
40 mins may seem late. I agree. But there was plenty do to. My DS has travel sickness which is well known. We stopped once for 15-20 mins and there was something on road made us divert which in total 40 mins. The friends husband was fine asked if DS ok. And didn't seem bothered.

The meal was booked for 7 people as early eve meal starter, main, dessert which they booked. We were happy with the day but they left after the starter. Saying they decided to go to a different restaurant. We didn't want to sit at a big empty table so went saw some other sights then had dessert elsewhere.
These friends been late for me before - I wouldn't question just always happy they are there. Especially if it's a sunny day in a beautiful town. They'd grabbed little walk & milkshake so not sure why it was big deal. We had the whole day together. It felt very passive aggressive when they left as just announced they had rang and booked another place, stood up and went.
I felt that was strange & bit rude.?

Edited

Could it be they saw the food / menu and didn't fancy it? Or even are short of money and decided to order the cheapest thing and go? Both those things have been something we've done if we didnt want to eat the food or spend crazy money on something we just didnt fancy

Crushed23 · 31/08/2025 13:45

Now I’ve made sense of the OP, I think the friends were exceptionally rude. I would be distancing myself from them.

Maybe my friendships are more relaxed, but I wouldn’t be too bothered by lateness of 40 minutes. It would barely register for spending a relaxed day together. If it was for a reservation that might be different. Your friends are beyond sensitive and to use a MN cliche, ‘hard work’.

WhatNoRaisins · 31/08/2025 13:46

I mean they could just be odd and socially awkward people. Maybe the friendship worked better when there wasn't travel to factor in but now it is too much for them.

Delatron · 31/08/2025 13:46

So they only announced they going after the starter? I think this is also crucial as if it were true they’d booked somewhere else they would have said at the start of the meal..

Who announced it? The DH or the wife? Why did you not order mains when you were ordering starters as is usual? Was that initiated by them?

InBedBy10 · 31/08/2025 13:46

I think some people are hung up on you being late. Its not ideal but it happens.

Them leaving the way they did was unbelievably rude. I wouldn't go out of my way for them again OP. Next time they can make the 5hr round trip.

Original poster

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 13:46

zingally · 31/08/2025 13:37

Yes, they were being passive aggressive, but your behaviour was also not great.

You should have reasonably factored in potential delays:
Your son gets carsick, so needs a halfway break = add 20 minutes.
You want a sandwich = add 20 minutes
The dog needs a walk/wee = add 20 minutes
Saturday traffic in August = add 20 minutes

The fact that you were seemingly oblivious to all these factors, and stroll in 40 minutes with an "oh well!" attitude... They were, not unreasonably, a bit annoyed.
They held off the annoyance, because, "well, they're here now, might as well crack on with the day", and then it erupted.

But you know what? People behave oddly all the time. Yesterday teatime I went out for drinks with some work friends. Organised by the ringleader, we'll call Jenny.
We'd been there about an hour, people ordering drinks and food to the table as and when they wanted it, all chatting and laughing.

Then Jenny just announced "I'm going to take off now." and within 30 seconds, she was out the door.
The remaining 4 of us just looked around, a couple of "that was a bit abrupt!" comments, then we shrugged and continued enjoying our evening.
People have all sorts of complicated things going on, and do things that can sometimes seem strange. But all you can do is shrug and carry on. Not everything is a personal slight.

You should have reasonably factored in potential delays:
Your son gets carsick, so needs a halfway break = add 20 minutes.
You want a sandwich = add 20 minutes
The dog needs a walk/wee = add 20 minutes
Saturday traffic in August = add 20 minutes

This is interesting.
Why should I add on 20 minutes for having our lunch in the car???
Saturday Traffic hmmm no we had to not use part motorway.
First time ever late. I've got this far in life with 2 kids dog. And sometimes things happen.

Your friend left you with a group of friends not the same really. But entitled to left field it if I want. I was wanting to know did the lateness justify walking out. Not a whole Itinerary on lateness.

OP posts:

Original poster

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 13:48

Typo "if you want"

OP posts:

FamBae · 31/08/2025 13:48

I wonder if your friends had inadvertantly double booked and were expected elsewhere, but were too embarrassed to tell you.

BobhopeNohope · 31/08/2025 13:49

What time where you meeting.
What time was food booked.

Sounds like they had a row or something.

janehopper · 31/08/2025 13:49

I would say there is more to it, it's not great to be late but you travelled by far the furthest way, kept them updated etc. The lateness wouldn't have bothered me in the same scenario. I would be wondering if they genuinely booked somewhere else or if they had to leave for some other reason they didn't want to share - an argument, something at home? As booking another restaurant just to avoid eating main course etc with you is genuinely extremely rude and odd, and if they'd done that why eat the starters at all? Why not just say actually we've booked a restaurant closer to home for us so we'll skip dinner and leave now? And the money disagreement suggests something underlying. Was the restaurant far more expensive than they thought and they realised when they saw the menu they could only afford starters?

jonthebatiste · 31/08/2025 13:49

I think they decided during the course of the day that they had to leave at a specific time (6.15, maybe?). The reason could have been something to do with you, or not. And I think that reason became apparent during the course of the day. I wouldn’t dwell on it.

Robogob · 31/08/2025 13:51

Did you end up having to pay for their mains that they didn’t eat? Or did you all just order starters? How did you not all order mains and starters? I can’t make sense of what you were all doing?

fivefoottwowitheyesofblue · 31/08/2025 13:52

@TFICoffeetime I think it's extremely odd behaviour from your friends, and I too would be miffed (at best) .

When you ordered your meal, did they just order starters? Was that the first you knew of them abandoning you for a superior restaurant?

SpidersAreShitheads · 31/08/2025 13:53

HideousKinky · 31/08/2025 11:41

Why would you arrange to travel two & a half hours to have lunch with someone when you have a child who is well known to suffer from travel sickness??

Poor kid - that's a round trip of 5 hours!

I agree with @HideousKinky - a five-hour round trip just to have a walk around a village and eat dinner is a bit of an ordeal for a child who gets car sick. For holidays/overnight stays, it’s worth it but to put your child through that for the sake of a few hours, just no. It sounds as if you would have spent longer in the car there and back than you planned to do on the activity!

But that’s aside, I think you need to ask your friend OP. You say she’s godmum so presumably you’re close?

You don’t need to be confrontational, just something like “Lovely to see you on Sunday, but sorry it was cut a bit short. Just wanted to check that I haven’t done anything to upset you as we had planned to eat dinner together? x”

DiscoBob · 31/08/2025 13:55

It is bizarre. They suddenly decided they wanted to go to a different restaurant alone, after booking the original restaurant only hours earlier? While you had all ordered and started eating a pre booked three course meals?

Are you sure they didn't mean they wanted you all to go to this new restaurant? Even that seems weird but less rude than just leaving.

And did they have a dinner date with someone else? I guess if your lateness meant they needed to get to that it just about makes sense.

TheWelshposter · 31/08/2025 13:56

I think they were very rude. You had to drive twice as far to see them, then they leave for a restaurant that they could go to anytime?!
Sounds like they had maybe had a disagreement during the day and there was something else going on. Real friends don't do this to each other.

I would text and ask why they left, and if she doesn't reply then never arrange to meet them again!

YourZanyNewt · 31/08/2025 13:57

GardenGaff · 31/08/2025 11:35

I think they probably went somewhere and ate a decent lunch as you were so late.

And then they weren’t that hungry and didn’t want a 3 course meal at dinner time. So they made an excuse.

100% this… x
Its weird they weren’t honest with you though?!?

Lifestooshort71 · 31/08/2025 13:58

I think their behaviour was odd (wouldn't go as far as to say rude but borderline!). Don't know how they had the nerve to just up sticks and say, more or less, we're off to a different/better restaurant to have the rest of our meal and we're choosing to leave behind our very dear/irritating friends. I wouldn't waste time analysing it but when/if they suggest meeting up in future I'd be tempted to say 'will you stay for the whole meal or bugger off again?'. Hope you didn't let it spoil your day.

Nogoodusername · 31/08/2025 14:01

I don’t think 40 minutes late is a big deal when you are making a 2.5 hour journey to meet up for an activity that doesn’t require fixed timings (walk and swim), and when you have big kids so things like rigid mealtimes and naps aren’t at play.
its genuinely odd to seem to ‘punish’ you by withdrawing from your dinner plans to eat elsewhere. Bizarre

nomas · 31/08/2025 14:02

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 13:39

It wasn't lunch.
It was 3.5 hours in the country doing walks & swims with children & what would have been a 2 hour meal at the end of the day.
Both families are lunch separately. It should not matter to anyone if we ate ours in the car.

Show quote history

OP, do you take it in turns to choose?I think it’s quite selfish of them to choose somewhere that’s so far from you but much nearer to them?

Trendyname · 31/08/2025 14:04

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 11:24

To be clear. It's 2.5 HR drive for us so 5 roundtrip
For the other family 1 HR, so 2 hour roundtrip.
We have apologised for lateness.
We booked meal as early eve and did sandwich lunch en route.
The meal was booked for all of us. But on the day they decided to cut short and left after starters to go to a different restaurant.
40 mins may seem late. I agree. But there was plenty do to. My DS has travel sickness which is well known. We stopped once for 15-20 mins and there was something on road made us divert which in total 40 mins. The friends husband was fine asked if DS ok. And didn't seem bothered.

The meal was booked for 7 people as early eve meal starter, main, dessert which they booked. We were happy with the day but they left after the starter. Saying they decided to go to a different restaurant. We didn't want to sit at a big empty table so went saw some other sights then had dessert elsewhere.
These friends been late for me before - I wouldn't question just always happy they are there. Especially if it's a sunny day in a beautiful town. They'd grabbed little walk & milkshake so not sure why it was big deal. We had the whole day together. It felt very passive aggressive when they left as just announced they had rang and booked another place, stood up and went.
I felt that was strange & bit rude.?

Edited

This should have been the op. Now most people will vote based on your actual op. I don’t think you are unreasonable to feel they were rude. You spent 5 hours for a trip to spend time with them, and they decided to not finish their meals with you and leave you mid way to go to another was definitely passive aggressive.

Yes, being late is not good. But sometimes shit happens, and considering op drove 5 hours only to meet these people, they could have continued with their original plan.