Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for positive stories of mixed sex siblings

107 replies

Mushroo · 31/08/2025 07:33

Firstly, I know I’m being massively unreasonable.

When I had my first LO, I actually had a slight preference for the other sex, but once they arrived they are everything I wanted and more. They are just my world and everything people say about the positives for the other sex, they have! They are just the best.

Im pregnant with number 2 and really really wanted two the same, because I know so many brother / sister sets who are so close and it’s lovely.

We just found out we’ll be having one of each and I’m really upset.

Im surprised by my reaction and I know I’m being massively unreasonable, but whilst I get my head around it and adjust, please can you regale me with why one of each is amazing?

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 31/08/2025 07:36

I think this line of thinking is so bizarre. I assume it stems from wanting to replicate a specific relationship you have with a sibling?

The child won’t know any different to what they grow up with. Brothers and sisters can have perfectly lovely friendships.

I’d argue a positive is they’re less likely to be directly competitive in the way single sex siblings can be, it gives the other a better insight into the opposite sex etc.!

LittleCarrot12 · 31/08/2025 07:39

With my second I thought a girl would be nice but wanted a brother for my son more. I also wanted a small age gap as thought they’d be closer. I’ve since realised it’s how siblings are raised that makes them close, not sex or age gaps.

verycloakanddaggers · 31/08/2025 07:40

I really think you need to get some help with this, your thinking is all wrong.

All combinations of siblings can be amazing or difficult.

ObsidianTree · 31/08/2025 07:41

I kind of know what you mean. My first was a boy and I loved raising him. He was such an easy baby. When having the second I kind of wanted another boy because he was such a joy. But was happy when having a girl. They are completely different but also have a strong bond with my girl also. You will love your second just as much as your first.

My two get on brilliantly. There is a nearly 5 year age gap but they still have a great bond. Getting stronger as they get older and can share some hobbies like playing Roblox together. But more difficult when they were younger, but they muddled through.

icallshade · 31/08/2025 07:42

I can only assume you are trying to replicate your own sibling relationship.

Fwiw, my sister and I are 18 months apart and have a terrible sibling relationship, which stems from our upbringing.

I would therefore argue that sibling relationships are very dependent on how children are raised, and I'm hoping to nurture my DD and DS already lovely relationship as they grow up.

betsy99 · 31/08/2025 07:47

I have my two brothers who are my best mates, despite being of a different sex we have a lot in common and they have been so generous to me. Never missed not having a sister.

SwallowsandAmazonians · 31/08/2025 07:48

My two are opposite sex, almost three years apart and super close, best friends. They are 10 and 7 now. They really look after each other (when not fighting, obviously).

I know a few same sex siblings who as adults don't get on at all. I'm pretty close with my brother.

ladyamy · 31/08/2025 07:50

I have a twin brother as my only sibling, I never imagined what it would be like to have anything else.

CloseThatDoor · 31/08/2025 07:50

It really is down to personalities.

Whether siblings get on is somewhat uncontrollable.

I have an older brother, we don't get on because he's a prick. If he was female, with the same personality, he'd still be a prick.

My DM is one of 4 girls. All very strong personalities; none of them speak to each other.

Fizbosshoes · 31/08/2025 07:54

I have one of each, they loved each other til the youngest was about 7 ish, then he became an annoyance to DD, and they had not much in common. They bickered a lot or ignored each other...although we're pretty good together on holiday! However now late teens they get on really well again. But that easily could happen with same sex siblings

Icepop79 · 31/08/2025 07:56

My 2 are girl/boy and almost 6 years apart. They are adorable together. They have a pride for each other’s achievements because they’re into such totally different things that they see no threat to themselves in the other one doing well.

Rocknrollstar · 31/08/2025 07:58

I had one of each sex and they are closer than i ever was to either of my sisters. They shared everything as children, kept a strong relationship going when they went away to uni. DS is married with children but he still talks to his sister most days. They have never fallen out. There is never any guarantee that two of the same will get on.

SquishedMallow · 31/08/2025 07:59

MidnightPatrol · 31/08/2025 07:36

I think this line of thinking is so bizarre. I assume it stems from wanting to replicate a specific relationship you have with a sibling?

The child won’t know any different to what they grow up with. Brothers and sisters can have perfectly lovely friendships.

I’d argue a positive is they’re less likely to be directly competitive in the way single sex siblings can be, it gives the other a better insight into the opposite sex etc.!

I too find it utterly bizarre.

I have one of each (always secretly thought that was the ideal ) close as close can be. I had a really small gap (purposefully) they barely ever disagree and there's no competition between them. Best of friends !

Original poster
Mushroo · 31/08/2025 07:59

@MidnightPatrol @icallshade i don’t actually have a sibling so this is all based on general observations. I know loads of same sex pairs that are really close, but I don’t see it so much with mixed sex. Eg DH is literally best friends with his brother.

Of course, some same sex hate each other, but generally they do seem to be closer.

@ObsidianTree thats lovely, and exactly the kind of thing I wanted to hear!

like I say, I know AiBU. It’s not that I’m sad to have two different, more that I’m sad for my LO if that makes sense. I’m honestly really shocked how strongly I feel about it, I think pregnancy hormones aren’t helping

OP posts:
BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 31/08/2025 08:01

I only have a brother, we are both in our early 40s and very close- we’re going on holiday together next month!
My parents are both from sets of the same, and neither of them have great relationships with their siblings.

Tipeetommeey · 31/08/2025 08:01

My boy and girl are currently travelling in Australia together

RubySquid · 31/08/2025 08:05

LittleCarrot12 · 31/08/2025 07:39

With my second I thought a girl would be nice but wanted a brother for my son more. I also wanted a small age gap as thought they’d be closer. I’ve since realised it’s how siblings are raised that makes them close, not sex or age gaps.

I don't even think that how they are raised makes them close or not. I think it's merely personality.

Imagine you meet a person you wouldn't spend much time with ( just because they are not your type of person) If they happened to be a siblings then you aren't going to be close no matter how you are brought up

My DDs spent the first 20 years of their lives arguing then learned to just ignore each other and be polite on family occasions

Allswellthatendswelll · 31/08/2025 08:07

Is it a boy you are expecting? I find it bizarre there is now a real prejudice against boys!

Most of my friends with sisters have much more tension with their sisters than brothers. Opposite sex is often an easier relationship.

I have one of each and part of me is sad they won't get a same gender sibling but that is life. There are pros and cons to all combinations.

Catcatcat111 · 31/08/2025 08:07

My two are two years apart and get on really well. Family holidays and always good fun.

Octonopes · 31/08/2025 08:07

I have one brother, close in age

He's just the best person and we're close as adults, we've chosen to live near each other and we go on holiday together. He's a wonderful uncle to my kids and my sister in law is awesome too. I could talk to him for hours and hours. As kids we got on really well and played together loads

I think it was very helpful to me as I've gone on to work in a very male dominated environment but having grown up with my brother and lots of his mates it feels very normal to me. My brother has a number of platonic female friends

I would also say in same sibling sets, some people were quick to label them as "the pretty one" "the clever one" "the quiet one" "the sporty one" which became a bit of a burden to live up to. We had more freedom labelled as just "the boy" and "the girl". I've explained that very badly, and it won't be everyone's experience, but it was something I felt conscious of even as a child.

Goodideaornot · 31/08/2025 08:08

My cousins, a boy and a girl, got on well enough growing up, but also quite different so maybe not super close. Now they’re adults (in their 20s) they adore each other and call/text every day. They area massive support to each other. So even if yours aren’t super close growing up they could still be close as adults. Just don’t worry too much about this. Don’t try to force a particular relationship .

RubySquid · 31/08/2025 08:08

Allswellthatendswelll · 31/08/2025 08:07

Is it a boy you are expecting? I find it bizarre there is now a real prejudice against boys!

Most of my friends with sisters have much more tension with their sisters than brothers. Opposite sex is often an easier relationship.

I have one of each and part of me is sad they won't get a same gender sibling but that is life. There are pros and cons to all combinations.

I have brothers. As a child always wanted a sister. Then had 2 daughters and 20 years of war in house. Glad I never had the sister then

cramptramp · 31/08/2025 08:09

Really upset? Wow. I have one of each and they have always got on very well and are still close in adulthood.

dairydebris · 31/08/2025 08:09

I think its all down to personality.

However I will say I think having both sexes is beneficial for learning how to treat boys / girls respectfully. We can have lots of casual, natural convos about consent, sex, differences etc. My boy understands girls and respects them and vv.

I know all combos are great but I feel very lucky to have both in my family.

iirbRosb · 31/08/2025 08:10

I get you OP, I have a sister and I had a moment of being sad my DC won’t have that sister relationship but talking to people the closeness of siblings has nothing to do with being same sex.