To ask for positive stories of mixed sex siblings

[Mushroo]

Firstly, I know I’m being massively unreasonable.

When I had my first LO, I actually had a slight preference for the other sex, but once they arrived they are everything I wanted and more. They are just my world and everything people say about the positives for the other sex, they have! They are just the best.

Im pregnant with number 2 and really really wanted two the same, because I know so many brother / sister sets who are so close and it’s lovely.

We just found out we’ll be having one of each and I’m really upset.

Im surprised by my reaction and I know I’m being massively unreasonable, but whilst I get my head around it and adjust, please can you regale me with why one of each is amazing?

@Motherofdragons24 exactly this! I didn’t really care either way to start, but would have now liked two the same.

Thank you all for sharing positives, it does help and I guess it’s just a bit of a fear of the unknown!

As others have said, I know deep down I’m being ridiculous and I’m so lucky to (hopefully!!) have two healthy babies.

(for those asking, I actually wanted two boys, but will have boy / girl)

Oh interesting! That's the other way around to what I thought it was.

What is it that makes you want a brother relationship and not a mixed sex one? Can you unpick it a bit.

I think it's normal to love your first so much you can't imagine loving another, especially if they are different gender maybe. But you will! You don't split your heart in two you grow a whole new one.

Really it’s personality. I know same sex siblings who are best mates and some who are estranged. And the same with mixed sex. My (one of each) are as opposite as can be and sad to say my DD does not like her brother though she does love him. They got on well as very young children but not as their differences came to the fore.
And I disagree with @LittleCarrot12- it’s not how they are raised but how they are as individuals.

My opposite sex dcs played together really happily, fought far less than I did with my dsis. Now in their mid 20s, although they live in different cities and very much each have their own lives, they go to each others parties, socilise with each others friends (and partners when there are partners on the scene) and in fact they are about to go on holiday together ☺️

I think it's the hormones!
I have one of each. It's been nice to have the experience of being a boy mum & a girl mum. Although this depends on your child's personality a bit - I was a complete tomboy so probably not the classic girl experience for my mum!
Also relationships between your kids ebbs and flows over time - the kids who bicker age 7&9 could sit up chatting until 2am as older teens.
Best of luck with your growing family

I think it's absolutely down to personality and not gender, or even parenting. My two have always been really close - they shared a room for years and then had regular "sibling sleepovers" afterwards. They are now in their mid-late teens and downs a lot of time together still - they are currently at a sports tournament together - DD decided to come along to DS's sports club sessions over the summer holidays together, decided to take up the sport and is being the token woman on the team in the mixed age/gender bracket for the summer tournament. They go to gigs and films together and are generally very close friends as well as siblings.

One of each here. Eldest off to uni soon, youngest starting 6th form. They’ve always been close, today they’re out shopping together and eldest is going to show youngest round the town of her 6th form as she doesn’t know it well and he does.

My mum recently passed away at 95, slowly loosing her mind. In the last 6 months of her life, every time I visited her she asked for her late older brother, she was with him when he died almost 30 years ago, but somehow she’d forgotten. She wanted to see him, even on the last day she could speak he was the only person she wanted, not her mum or dad, late husband, me, her grandchildren. I think it was very much them against the world in many ways. It broke my heart that I couldn’t make it happen.

I know plenty of same sex siblings who are virtual strangers as adults.

I think it’s another partly nature partly nurture how this works out.

@katgab this genuinely made me tear up, sorry to hear about your mum but that is a lovely story, thank you for sharing

My DD and DS were very close growing up, no jealousy, not much(!) competitiveness.
They had similar interests growing up, wanted to go to same places, see same films etc,
It worked really well, they are a bit less close now they are in early 20s living their own lives but still got on really well and would be there for each other in a drop of a hat.

I have a brother and a sister and growing up I was much closer to my brother than my sister as we fought like cat and dog, mainly due to having to share a bedroom! But we are closer now, particularly since DC.

People often stereotype bringing up boys and bringing up girls but tbh I didn't think there was a difference, it's just every child is an individual-they all have their moments!

Thank you and I hope it helps. As a child I remember them as always being good friends in a very real sense (he was a good friend to me too). It had a big impact on my desire for 2 children (I was an only, has it’s benefits too) and I always hope they’ll have the same. I can think of lots of opposite sex siblings who have great adult relationships.

I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and that your 2 will have all you could wish for.

OP I understand where you're coming from.
I have an older brother and he truly is my best friend in the world. We grew up really close, and had our own world with the real truths between us, we always helped each other out and told each other stuff our parents had no idea about. We still are very close, have been living in different countries for a very, very long time but speak on the phone a few times a week and see each as often as we can either visit each other or in other countries. I honestly think we are closer to each other than we are to our (wonderful) parents.
One of my grandmother had a younger brother, both lived well into their 90s and have been very close all their lives.
Various other relatives are either from one child families, have same sex siblings or have more than one sibling.

With my first baby I ony wanted a boy. My ideal would have been first a boy then second baby either a boy or a girl (just because in my mind boys are easier long term and I get on much better with boys and men than I do with girls and women so 2 boys best scenario. Boy then girl a replica of my own experience so very good.). I absolutely did not want a girl as a first baby. My nightmare scenario would have been 2 girls purely based on my experience of girlfriends with sister siblings when growing up, most of them seemed to always bicker and have some drama going on.
I won't lie, I was disappointed in my mind to have a girl as a first baby. But we bonded instantly and has been a true joy having her through all the growing up stages. Before baby no. 2 I wasn't sure I wanted a second child because she was my world in so many ways.
Second baby was a boy. They are really close and get on so, so well it is really beautiful to see them together.
I was lucky that both children have been easy at all stages growing up and have turned into such lovely people. Hand on heart, if me and DH drop dead today, these two siblings will be absolutely fine. Both capable and strong. I believed this to have been the case as soon as they turned teenagers.
The thing is, parenting and the home environment plus the child's personality will shape siblings' relationships. Their sex doesn't matter (despite my own earlier reservations).

I was hoping for one of each because I get on with my own brother so well!

I have two the same and worry about them falling out when they're older and feeling like they're in competition with each other.

My boy and girl adore each other. At 2 and 4 they're best mates.

Having a small age gap does help

My oldest son and my daughter have 7 years between them and are best buds

@Mushroo Consider seeking mental health support because whilst you are able to acknowledge that the thoughts seem unreasonable, if it were me, I'd want to ensure I challenged these thoughts before baby is born. The grass is not greener on the other side just because it looks that way from a distance' Pregnancy does weird things to the mind and you need to discuss the thoughts and consider possibilities, that having 2 children of opposite sex is as perfect as having 2 of the same (not to mention the seemingly loads of genders that are recognised in law today.) The basic advice is look after your mental health before, during and after this pregnancy.

OP I can see a lot of people have said how weird and bizarre this thought process is but I wanted to come on and say I do completely understand how you’re feeling and that I was really similar. My first was a boy (I had no preference towards either boy or girl), and we wanted a second without a big age gap so when I found out our second was on the way I was really hoping it would be another boy as my perception is also that same sex siblings will be closer. My second turned out to be a girl and she is the absolute light of my life but yes I still think that the chances are that they won’t be as close as they grow up as two girls or two boys would be, and yes it does make me a bit sad because that was one of the main reasons I wanted two. We don’t have cousins either side so there aren’t loads of children in the family which is why I want them to be close to one another growing up. This really doesn’t make me feel like I’m weird or bizarre, just logical and perhaps an over thinker/worrier

You’re up set because you’re have … checks OP… a family? That baby 2 is the opposite sex of baby 1? For which there was a 50/50 chance?

Good grief. Today’s sense of entitlement astounds me.

@twobabiesandapup thank, you’ve articulated exactly how I feel about it.

I know I’ll love and adore the new baby, I’m just a bit sad for that ‘best of friends’ type bond perhaps now being less likely.

I don’t think it’s weird to have a slight preference.

Im sure once they’re here it will all be fine, just need to get my head around something different to what I pictured.

Surely it's great to have one of each? Best of both worlds and there's no guarantee that they will get on whatever the gender.

Really bizzare. I have one of each with a big age gap and they are incredibly close. My ds is the protective and gentle older brother, my dd is the feisty yet very caring baby sister.
One of each is really the best of both worlds.
My db has 2 girls and I know he would love a boy too.
My best friend has 2 boys and yearns for a girl too.
Having each is such a wonderful experience

Get a life

Thank you for this input

Ten years between mine- DS the elder. He’s really good with his little sister- loving and protective. No squabbles or jealousy.

I have DD 21, DS 19 and DS 15 and they are all very close, and have been through out childhood. Just been on holiday with DD and younger DS and they get on so well. Older two at same uni and see each other all the time.