Would you stay in the cellar or in a hotel room

[Cellarorhotel]

Dh and I have distanced ourselves from his family for various reasons but we now have a newborn (5 months old in december) and it is his grandfather's birthday in December. He is 93 so likely to be his last. He has always loved his grandchildren and is very excited about any great grandchild. MIL (his daughter) has 4 kids and 3 kids plus partners will be there including us

There are 3 bedrooms plus a cellar where there is a sofa bed. Bedroom 1 is for DH's grandpa, MIL shares a room with single daughter. So last bedroom up for grabs. The last time we were there 2 years ago during fhe same time, it was occupied by sister no 2 and her fiancee. DH's married sister and her husband plus her MIL plus 1 year old stayed at a nearby hotel in 1 room (don't ask me why her MIL tagged along).

We usually book a hotel room but in my early married years we stayed in fhe cellar. I didn't mind it as we were young and skint and didn't have a baby. However that was only for 1 year as we always had enough money that we didn't think much of booking a local hotel for 2 weeks. We had a 6 figure household income and our mortgage was 2% and we went on loads of holidays.

However I have been on stat maternity pay and dh is worried about his job (so worried he is spending lots of time looking for one). Baby is very attached to me so i plan to find a new job where it is easier to fit around childcare and also want to be at home for 9 months. We have a mortgage (1282 for our london flat) and it's been expensive with a baby. We have around 37k in savings but a lot of that is earmarked for the future . Also dh sister is getting married next month so we are also spending money on hotels for that.

Logically we should just stay in the cellar but I remember it being cold (dh says its heated, I only remember it being cold cos the floors are made of stone and I don't wear socks in the house- the steps in that house are really steep so I am never sure why dh wears socks). Dh's family aren't the easiest either, as you can see, given we probably have to stay in the cellar with a baby. Dh asked his mum and she said well your sister is staying in fhe bedroom. At that time her partner was only the boyfriend and he refused to stay in the cellar hence why the other sister with the one year old baby had to stay in a hotel (which i think she could only afford cos the MIL and her went halves). I find being a new mum stressful, the idea of doing night feeds and all with them around is causing me anxiety so much so that I almost want to volunteer to stay in the cellar but yet I am worried about health impact on my baby. It is a converted cellar but mainly used for storage.

It's also over Christmas so an overall expensive time to book hotels..

They would be more than the hotel room in a budget hotel tbh.

When you say cellar is it a dark, dank, gloomily place or a fully converted basement so just like a normal room but without windows?

He drinks a bottle of wine a day …. What’s the back story there????

I wouldn’t stay in the cellar for 11 days with a baby, but nor would I stay in the same house as his family who you clearly don’t get on with.

Get an air bnb, it will probably be cheaper than an hotel and you’ll have more facilities. If I had 37k in savings it wouldn’t even occur to me to stay in that situation for 11 days.

His drinking habits are fhe reason why dh booked 11 nights as he thinks it's better to spend more time with his grandpa esp now with the baby. Drinking that much at that age isn't healthy to put it mildly.

The mortgage is our largest expense and the indication of our commitments vs our savings. Would we be having this conversation if my mortgage was £100, no. Would we be having this thread if my mortgage was 3k or 4k, probably not i have to suck up the cellar or not go.

For goodness sake.
You have ''only'' 37K in savings and don't want to stay in the cellar.
Just book the hotel!
No one is forcing you to sleep in the cellar.

if you’ve distanced yourselves for five years, it’s likely to be stressful and frankly awful. Either go at some point over the festivities for two nights and stay in air bnb or don’t bother and visit grandpa in better weather when your priority- your first baby - is put first xx

I actually think he would live to a 100 if not for the alcohol (dh has deceased relatives who lived that long) . Maybe he would but he honestly should be featured in a newspaper if he makes it to a 100. Apparently in his day, people would bring a crate of beer to work and finish the whole thing. This isn't in the uk.

Dh isnalways worried about his alcohol consumption and says he is so much more frail every year.

It's not just a bottle of wine, also champagne and many many beers

Not quite true-you have been given several other suggestions and have poo-pooed them all.

Were you hoping everyone would tell you not to go?

I have no idea what you were wanting from this thread.

Objectively, you have plenty of savings, and time before going, to pay the oddly specific £542 for a hotel.

You could sleep in the living room

You could sleep in the cellar

You could change your flights

You could negotiate with fanily, or shock horror, share the room

Don't go and let DH go

I think you’re conflating a few things OP.
it’s shitty that Mil and Sil demand the best rooms and there’s imbalance in the treatment of your DH vs siblings. But it is what it is.

Staying in a cellar is a non starter and given you don’t really like these people, having time apart makes more sense. I’d possibly arrange for half the time in the town with grandpa (and for DH to arrange to take him out individually) and then take the rest of the time in a set up that better suits you perhaps a bit further away.

If you really want to get a dig in about costs then on the group chat naively ask about the proper bedroom or for hotel costs to be shared, ideally in a group chat. But tbh that’ll take up more of your headspace and you’re likely to get the reply you want.

11 night would be too long if you were staying in the penthouse suite. Honestly, just write off the flights and go in January for 3-4 mights. The grandfather will have something to look forward to and be less overwhelmed by a full house.

Babies aren’t always good guests. They get unsettled and grumpy. All of the viruses are in full flush.

Stay home and go later.

You've stayed in the cellar before as has your husband, so trust your collective memory and sense of whether it will work for you this time. Is there a space heater that could be put down there? Loads of blankets? And grippy socks or slippers are much better than bare feet. But given the length of time plus not being on the greatest of teams with the family, I'd at least price some hotels.

(Actually, given the length of time - I'd go for a shorter amount of time! Husband can stay longer if he likes.)

If there is heating in th4 coverted cellar and you can use it as much as you wish, I’d not have an issue staying there, yes stone floors are cold, irrelevant of where in the house they are, but that won’t impact your baby. Just wear slippers, shoes, or socks with grip, I am struggling to see the big deal. Different if it wasn’t heated or heat limited but as you can have the heating on full blast for 11 days I’m not getting it.

Does this converted cellar have a fire exit/windows? Because I wouldn’t sleep in any room that didn’t have another form of exit in the event of a fire. And I certainly wouldn’t have my child in it.

Hotel. You have the money.

Get an Airbnb

You say that you would be happy to travel the hour by public transport, but how good/frequent/expensive is it? Would the £100 you'd save with the hotel in the other town be wiped out in travel (and what is your time worth)? Think about carrying the baby things, presents etc on the public transport (I know that you'll have already brought them by plane). All worth taking into consideration.

£650 for 11 nights in a hotel seems reasonable to me tbh. I wouldn't give it a second thought if I had £37k in savings.

Why you'd want your baby around an apparent alcoholic is a different matter.

You would be mad to put a small baby in a cellar over Winter.i would just book the hotel. Also what kind of horrible people put a baby in a cellar and take the comfy rooms. Op do the hotel, 11 days with this family in one house sounds like hell. At least at the hotel you can even make up something to not see them all the time.

£650 for a hotel for 11 days is a good deal. If I was you and he £37k savings, I’d do that.

And in future I’d only go for a few days! You can’t be expected to use all your annual leave.

@Cellarorhotel I think book a hotel, do it soon as prices will go up. Try and get a flexible booking. Reward flights are also amendable for a fee so you could consider a shorter trio. I know it’s another dent to your savings but go this time in comfort with baby and enjoy having your own space to retreat to.

Well if a nice hotel is £650 for 11 nights I'd pick that option, I was imaging it would be thousands.

Is it somewhere you can make the trip into a holiday and go for nice walks, beach etc? You don't have to spend all 11 days with family.

I think the steep steps are more of an issue. I'd say we need that other room. Otherwise I'd go for just a few days and stay in a hotel.

Your DH says the cellar is heated, and has stayed there much more often than you have. It’s easy to keep a baby warm unless it’s way below a reasonable temperature in there - extra warm sleeping bags, blanket etc. Take warm slippers for you to wear if you generally go barefoot - that’s going to feel cold on stone floors.

Cut it down to 3 days and book a hotel. The cost will be worth it to set up a new norm. Imagine you're doing this still in two years time and have a toddler bouncing around in the cellar for 11 days! No chance.

Let your DH go for the full 11 days if he wants. You just go for 3. When you've gone home he can move to the cellar 😃