Would you stay in the cellar or in a hotel room

[Cellarorhotel]

Dh and I have distanced ourselves from his family for various reasons but we now have a newborn (5 months old in december) and it is his grandfather's birthday in December. He is 93 so likely to be his last. He has always loved his grandchildren and is very excited about any great grandchild. MIL (his daughter) has 4 kids and 3 kids plus partners will be there including us

There are 3 bedrooms plus a cellar where there is a sofa bed. Bedroom 1 is for DH's grandpa, MIL shares a room with single daughter. So last bedroom up for grabs. The last time we were there 2 years ago during fhe same time, it was occupied by sister no 2 and her fiancee. DH's married sister and her husband plus her MIL plus 1 year old stayed at a nearby hotel in 1 room (don't ask me why her MIL tagged along).

We usually book a hotel room but in my early married years we stayed in fhe cellar. I didn't mind it as we were young and skint and didn't have a baby. However that was only for 1 year as we always had enough money that we didn't think much of booking a local hotel for 2 weeks. We had a 6 figure household income and our mortgage was 2% and we went on loads of holidays.

However I have been on stat maternity pay and dh is worried about his job (so worried he is spending lots of time looking for one). Baby is very attached to me so i plan to find a new job where it is easier to fit around childcare and also want to be at home for 9 months. We have a mortgage (1282 for our london flat) and it's been expensive with a baby. We have around 37k in savings but a lot of that is earmarked for the future . Also dh sister is getting married next month so we are also spending money on hotels for that.

Logically we should just stay in the cellar but I remember it being cold (dh says its heated, I only remember it being cold cos the floors are made of stone and I don't wear socks in the house- the steps in that house are really steep so I am never sure why dh wears socks). Dh's family aren't the easiest either, as you can see, given we probably have to stay in the cellar with a baby. Dh asked his mum and she said well your sister is staying in fhe bedroom. At that time her partner was only the boyfriend and he refused to stay in the cellar hence why the other sister with the one year old baby had to stay in a hotel (which i think she could only afford cos the MIL and her went halves). I find being a new mum stressful, the idea of doing night feeds and all with them around is causing me anxiety so much so that I almost want to volunteer to stay in the cellar but yet I am worried about health impact on my baby. It is a converted cellar but mainly used for storage.

It's also over Christmas so an overall expensive time to book hotels..

Why are you staying so long when it doesn’t sound like much of a holiday? Change your flight to one night (hotel for one night) so you can see great grandad and then go home. Save the money for other things.

It was a false economy to buy cheap flights without having worked out affordable accommodation.

If you can change the dates you could halve the cost of the hotel.

Never mind what everyone else does. You're going to need to grow a thicker skin with things like this now baby is here.

Are you just salty because SIL gets the other bedroom and you think you’re entitled to it because you’ve got a baby? Or do you expect MIL to pay for half your hotel too?

So much going on here, but I think you've got a couple of choices, if you don't want to sleep in a cold cellar. (Plenty of people with spiral staircases have babies and no central heating).

Change the flights to somewhere you actually want to and can afford to go as a family holiday next year, tell them that you don't want to sleep in the cellar and can't afford to pay for a hotel for 11 nights so won't be joining this year.

If you actually want to go to visit family that you're distant from and seemingly have next to no relationship with in order to have a conversation about who's sleeping where for 11 nights, look for an AirBnb and take it out of your savings.

11 days! This year I’d be staring over night only, unless the other siblings pitch in for some money towards the hotel considering they’re all rent free!

I agree that 11 days is too long, but why the hell should the siblings pay for a hotel because OP’s DH chose to move away??

If flights are still cheap, I’d book a new one, go, but spend four nights max in a hotel. Absolutely no way I’d have spent Christmas in a cellar with a newborn. It’s RSV season, we had a chilly flat and two winters of crackly breathing/needing oxygen treatment at the hospital, so maybe I’m more uptight than most. But a dry warm room is pretty much a must for a baby. Your SIL sounds selfish.

Yes, if flights are still cheap I’d get new ones and only go for 3 nights. Or I’d probably cancel if only losing £150. Depends how comfortable the cellar was though. 11 nights in a hotel sounds pretty expensive.

I wouldn't go over Christmas , book early new year for a 4 day trip and stay in a hotel.

Depends how long 6 figures have been earned for and how much they spacing property. If in the southeast property will make that 6 figures disappear v fast.
They also went on nice holidays

Jesus weeps that people online can’t see that earning 6 figures for 2.5years with months in op being unemployed, maternity leave, overpaying a mortgage by 30k, paying off student debt and concerns about dh losing his job means it’s very reasonable that the OP wouldn’t want yo necessarily book a hotel for 11 days in peak Christmas season.

You do realise 6 figures can be 100k not just 850k don’t you. Add overpaying a mortgage and maternity and laying off debts doesn’t actually leave you living like Bezos.

Don’t go.

A cold, damp cellar is not healthy for you or your baby’s lungs.

This.

It was the flight prices and those days were the cheapest.

The cellar would definitely be a no with a baby. If no one else will swap (presumably because they consider it unsuitable for adults, let alone a baby) I would either book a hotel or airbnb/holiday let. The latter may be more suitable for 3 of you for 11 days. But if there is nothing at all that is suitable I would just stay home - the cost of the flights is minimal, and it's the sunken cost fallacy to stick with the plan just because the flights are paid for

MIL was the one who moved to a new country (uk). MIL is European. Dh actually is a 4th generation londoner, 2 of his sister have moved to new countries (different countries from grandparents).

Youve distanced yourself.

But now youre staying 11 nights.

That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Id change to 2 nights and stay in a hotel.

I agree

In that case how about saying to MIL “Please can we have the bedroom this year as the cellar will be cold for baby?” It’s not an unreasonable request.

They're not cheap if you now have to pay 11 days of hotel room.

Just buy new return flights.

I feel sorry for the grandpa, being written off at 93.

presumably you’ll also have to budget for his funeral later in the year?

just book a hotel or new flights for this Xmas, ffs

When I was talking about socks/slippers it was an indication to me the cellar is cold and therefore not a suitable place for a baby. Even when heating is on full blast I remember it being cold.. the grandpa doesn't stinge on heating, he doesn't care how much it costs.

Based on what dh says, the rooms are doled up like Grace and favour properties. The last time the couple with a baby had to go to a hotel too and share with another family member flying in. I remember her mother expressing horror at that idea but she didn't make her daughter leave that bedroom.

We aren't distanced from the whole family, just his mum and the youngest sisters. For many reasons which I wouldn't go into here, but i suppose the grace and favour rooms and the fact she would let her grandson stay in a cellar/daughter share room with MIL rather than reallocate rooms is a sign.. the sisters all worship MIL (as well as the grandpa), what they think or want is irrelevant so I don't blame them. Dh decided around a year ago he doesn't want to pretend to worship his mum anymore hence why we are distanced, plus the youngest is quite difficult as she is her mother's favourite.

The 93 year old grandpa is in poor health. We lost dh's other grandpa who was in his 90s (he did live in London so we saw him v often )..

He doesn't have that many birthdays left and we already had to miss the last one

The cheapest hotel we found is 650 for 11 nights..rebooking new flights might cost 400 quid anyway.

What can you get a hotel or airbnb for? I’ve also stayed with neighbours when I go to my parents and all rooms are full- neighbours were away for 2 weeks so like house sitting. Get the family to ask about

Dh already broached that. MIL isn't that sympathetic. She put dh in the cellar as a child so I guess why would my son be different..she prefers girls to boys anyway. Grandpa is v elderly he is relying a lot on MIL to make all decisions for him. He can barely hear anymore.