Total lack of effort in parenting-between the 80/90s and now

[Eatthecakeandshush]

This summer my Dd, 7, has:

Been to the beach numerous times
Been to the pool numerous times
Been on playdates
Had playdates at our house
Been to playgrounds
Been to slide park/indoor play place
Been to water parks
Been to cafes & shopping
Had picnics
Had Bbqs with toasted marshmallows
Done baking
Done crafts
Been on bike rides
Been to the skate park
Been to the lake
Been to fairs ….etc etc

I am no perfect parent, nor do I have tons of money.

She has also herself

Made dens
Played in the garden
Played on the trampoline
Played with toys
Swung in the hammock reading
Watched tv
Played games on my phone

At her age, I remember:

Watching a lot of tv
Playing with my toys
Playing on my brothers computer
Reading
Playing in the garden
Making dens
Going to the shopping centre as a treat for clothes-no cafe or McDonald’s etc, but a chocolate bar/sweets at the shops

Bike rides and knocking on at friends houses came later, but always entertaining ourselves

The same with weekends, we would sometimes go into the town shopping with mum, but mainly Saturdays would be spent finding things to do at home and my mum lying down on the sofa watching tv. Sundays were worse with Super gran on tv and literally nothing to do. Sometimes we’d walk to the park but I remember that being rare and it was exciting to drive to the tip with my dad!

The difference between my life and my DD’s is huge. Even things I notice with my parents now. When we go places, I like to choose ones where Dd can be happy/occupied, where there is not really much thought for this. They want to watch the news, which we never watch as Dd is usually watching tv at that point and we’re not really bothered tbh. My parents even seemed a bit put out when I played my dds cd in the car there and back when we all went out in the car recently

I think as kids we were always just expected to go along with what they were doing or sort ourselves out somehow. My dad played with us a lot when able to, mum never did. Definitely no days out that I do with dd or crafts or baking (aside from occasional flapjacks and mince pies at Christmas-which was nice)

I read my school book to my mum every night, but she didn’t do a bedtime story, dad did occasionally, whereas we’ve done that since she was tiny. No one checked my homework or got extra resources for at home to support and so on
We didn’t go to any clubs or summer clubs, when I asked my mum why, she said that I never asked to.

Everything I do is just the standard amongst my peer group for those with kids, in fact I perhaps do less as Dd plays with neighbours a fair bit.

Interesting to think how this generation will grow up compared to how we did, it’s just so different now.

Did anyone else experience similar?

@SunnyViper and your point is?

Sounds like your parents were just a bit shit tbh. I was very well parented by my grandparents back in the 70s/80s and their presence was never limited.

That poster is trying to appear better than you by correcting your post. Don’t worry though, they haven’t achieved.

How many years ago was this ? I was born in mid 60s and my childhood was nothing like that . Out all day playing with friends in village and North Downs . Out on bikes ,picnics,trips to seaside,open air swimming pool,local village that had a forge with fishing ,Battersea funfair was our big trip to London for day .
Our village had an annual visiting fair which was a big date for the diary .
We stayed at Carbis Bay Hotel ,nr St Ives for 2 weeks every year.

Added to my previous post I think the pendulum will swing back to society being less child centered. Not as far back as the 80s when there was a lot of accepted benign neglect but less structured than now.

My reasoning is that a few of my child free by choice friends have made that decision because it’s their perception that once you have kids, you cease to exist and everything is focused on their wants in addition to their needs. Parenting is becoming increasingly unattractive to many.

Things like not listening to anything you like in the car on long journey because the DC wants nursery rhymes greatest hits on repeat, the judgement and expectations from other parents around FF v BF, need to make memories everyday.

I’m glad my kids are older, if I was thinking about having a baby now, I’d most likely swerve it. Society has turned parenting into an expensive chore.

There's a lot of hand-wringing about screen time for today's kids, but I grew up in the 70s-80s and had a TON of screen time. We lived in the suburbs (not UK) so there were no fields, forests, streams etc to play in. I hung out with my friends in the holidays but mostly I just read and watched TV.

I would watch smutty, homophobic 70s sitcoms... terrible soaps .... hard boiled US cop shows .... ABC after school specials.... awful made-for-tv movies ... and British imports if I was lucky (e.g. Benny Hill). A large proportion of it was totally inappropriate. My favourite, at age 10, was the film trailer channel which would sometimes show adverts for soft porn.

Honestly, I think my DCs are better off with their hours of Minecraft or Sims or Stardew Valley.

I wasn't taken anywhere by my Mum. Nowhere! 🙈 (my grandparents took me on holiday most years and to other places like the Zoo thought). I was going to my local park alone from 4! Otherwise we played out in the street. I am 38 by the way so this was the 90s.

My mum comments all the time how amazing my son's life is and things were different back then how lucky he is etc. I felt I was being neglected back then tbh and I distinctly remember thinking when I have children I will take them everywhere! ... and I do. We spend time at home too as that's important. My son can play really well independently and it does make me nostalgic for how I used to entertain myself as a kid (I had to 😂 ) I'm a Nanny and my son comes to work with me so he has to take a backseat to other children sometimes but I feel we have a good mix. I try and have a good balance where I'm not entertaining him all the time and not spending loads of money with fun days out that I really enjoy too.

I want him to experience everything!

Yes, that didn't happen in my childhood, but had become a standard expectation by the time my children started primary school in the 90s. Is there research that shows it improves outcomes? In my day class sizes were enormous, dyslexia unknown, no or minimal support for children with any learning difficulties (remedial class or special school) - so a lot of children fell through the cracks and left school functionally illiterate and innumerate, also with very poor self-esteem as they had been told they were lazy and that was why they couldn't learn. However, for those who could learn, we seemed to make just as good progress as my children did, if we had the good fortune to have good teachers. We had the benefit along the way of learning how to organise our own time and develop self-motivation. No system is perfect.

And this is so important I agree. I had a fantastic imagination as a child was generally happy. I see this in my son too who I allow to be bored and self entertain and then the creativity happens.
The difference is I felt my Mum had zero interest in me or my likes. A day was never designed for us kids ever with her. So I bring some of that trauma to my parenting as truly he is my world! ... I'm saying this as a Mum who is still in bed today and his Dads taking him out because I need me time right now!

My mum was also a single parent and my brother on the spectrum and was really hard work so I do understand it must have been really hard.

I hear you. But I suppose we had less pressure as young adults, in some ways - A Level results weren't a big deal, university was still free, rents were cheap. Going out wasn't expensive. The more organized among us (not me) managed to get on the housing ladder before the boomers pulled it up behind them. So I guess we've had some advantages, even if an entertaining childhood and stress-free parenting weren't among them!

When was Uni free?

When I went to university (early 80s), the local education authority paid the fees for all students from their area on qualifying courses. We scarcely knew there were fees. If your parents were willing to co-operate with the process, the LEA assessed the family income and if it was low enough you got a full maintenance grant, which didn't have to be paid back, and which was enough to live on quite comfortably, topped up by earnings from a summer job where possible. If your income was too high for that, you would probably still get a partial grant (this was what happened in my family) and most parents did their best to make up the difference (as mine did). Some students were unlucky and got no parental support so would have to support themselves through, or more likely not go on to higher education.

managed to get on the housing ladder before the boomers pulled it up behind them.

How did we do that? It was Mrs Thatcher and her government who removed the sensible limits on building society mortgage lending back in the 1980s. Once borrowers could easily get a loan for more than three times their salary, house prices went through the roof in the richer parts of the country. She was also the one who sold off council houses to their tenants at a huge discount and refused to let councils invest the proceeds in replacement social housing. Most of the new homeowners then sold the ex-council houses at a massive profit. I think you'll find that most of the people responsible for that were far older than Boomers. I was in my 20s during the 80s and I never voted for any of the above.

It still is free in Scotland.

A quick google says until 1998. As pointed out, it still is free in Scotland.

Is that only for Scottish people?

I spent my childhood hiding from my parents because no good could come from being in their line of sight for too long. If I could hide and read for days at a time, I would.
My kids make it my problem if they are bored.

No, I think anyone attending a Scottish university for an undergraduate degree can apply, if they are a UK citizen.

I don't have children, though there are lots in my family and friend group. I'm a long standing school governor and have mentored and managed apprentices for many years. But I think the constant entertaining of children and filling every bit of downtime with organised fun is doing them no favours. Younger generations are far less competent in assessing risk, problem solving, creative thinking and critical thinking. A lot of it is down to over reliance on devices (for both children and parents) but not being given space and freedom to do their own thing is really detrimental.

i doubt it, or all kids would go to university in scotland, you do have to have been a resident for some years

No I think i read somewhere that you have to have been resident in Scotland for many years, to get it.

Good for Scottish people though!

3 years but there seems to be conflating info about this. I don’t know personally, I attended university in Scotland but my course was funded.

Wow sounds great. You are lucky!

I read and roamed around on my bike knocking on friends doors !

I was born in the mid 80s and the latter part of my childhood was not that different. We went on all inclusive holidays in Europe and had other longer camping holidays in Europe as well, frequently visited theme parks and other child centric days out, went to center parcs annually. I spent much of my later childhood watching Nickelodeon or the Disney channel or playing computer games, then late teens it was all about the internet and texting friends on my mobile. I think my elder brother by 7 years would think differently though, so the world probably changed very quickly in the early 90s.