To tell my husband to stop saying this?

[cittykat]

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

Sigh, he didn’t say that, he’s not saying god I love little girls in short shorts, he’s saying girls tend to wear this style not that he would want his own daughter to wear them,

The link to the pjs title says ‘girls’ but this pair .. https://amzn.eu/d/5ma2ogo EXACTLY the same but a dog top says boys.. so it isn’t the style it is the fact it is a cat which makes it ‘girls’?? Which is idiotic..

The man is a massive bully and a 9 year old child doesn’t need to be sexualised by his father.. that’s gross. He needs to grow up.. there is no such thing as ‘girls/boys’ … anyone can like and wear anything… remind him this is no longer th early 1900’s and society has evolved and those pjs go up to 15-16 so buy every size!!!

These look fun! I think my DS would have liked those and the short looks a little longer than the other pair? As it is, at 17 and 6ft 4, my son loves Magnum PI style shirts and ones with loud oriental patterns and um pink (esp cerise) is one of his favourite colours (fat face often do mens tees in vibrant colours and designs). I do feel men/boys should be allowed to wear whatever they like but it can take confidence to tell your mates to bog off if they tease.

They clearly do not fit him absolutely fine if they're showing his bum. It's a weird hill to die on but you do.

I think what OP is saying is that the cut of the shorts mean they ride up his hip when he's sitting down with his knees tucked up? Because they stop mid/upper thigh probably.

Whereas boys'/men's shorts are usually further down towards the knee in length so they wouldn't ride up that way.

The shorts don’t look extremely short to me. My teenage dd has short pyjamas shorter than that and they are not too revealing. The only difference is that the cat pyjamas have slightly shorter sleeves than is normal on ‘boy’s’ pyjamas, for some unknown reason t shirts marketed for female people sometimes have that shorter cut.
I agree with you OP, they are simple pyjamas, there is very little difference in style and shape from something marketed for a boy, I think the assumption is more an aesthetic one , that girls and women like appealing animals, while boys like trucks and dinosaurs. Or apex predators like Polar bears or Tigers.
It’s all nonsense of course.

My son often wore his sister's old nighties to bed, because they had characters he liked on. Your husband is a dick, let your son wear what he wants.

Your husband sounds like hard bloody work. Your son is wearing the PJs in the house, not dancing up and down the street in them.

Taking the outfit and throwing it away then denying any knowledge of where it had gone. You don’t think there’s something the least bit cruel about that ?

Surely the shorts are just like boxer shorts? There’s no issue with these pjs! Tell your son to rock these kitty pjs!

Well the shape is clearly a style usually worn by females and it says do in link .so on one hand your husband correct .but in your own house who cares .if friends coming for sleepover just wear other pjs simple. But a bit much a grown man bullying his own child.

You keep saying they fit him fine but if they are showing his bum cheeks they clearly don’t fit him. I think you and your dh should sort this out between yourselves and agree a solution rather than your dh having a go at your son and you defending your son. That just puts your son in the middle of you both and isn’t good. Given your dh’s main objection is that the shorts are too short, and you admit that they do ride up, why don’t you agree a compromise with your dh of keeping the t shirt but buying some better fitting shorts. If your son goes to a sleep over showing his bum cheeks that’s not good (just as it wouldn’t be good for a girl either).

My 9yo son has always been into rainbows and bright colours, so often things I buy him might be thought of as "girls". PJ's/pencil cases/squishmallows, that kind of thing. Little Bird clothing was made for him 😂

He got a new bike for his birthday. Colour options were charcoal, red or aqua with purple (clearly the "girl" option). Showed his dad and he said he preferred the charcoal but he knew which one DS would want... so that's what he got.

I love that he's not afraid to choose the stuff he likes 🌈

The majority of the posters on here thinking this is an issue would, I’d wager, be absolutely fine with a 9 year old girl wearing ‘boys’ pyjamas. Because misogyny. It’s still seen as an inherently bad thing to be ‘girly’.

Your DH is stuck in the dark ages! As long as your ds loves wearing them then who cares. Kids don't think like your DH does these days.

Clearly a girl in picture with dog print and a bit femine cut .but in own house does it really matter

I think your DH is in the wrong and I'm surprised his attitude so openly exists in this day and age. He reminds me of the boys described in Richard Beard's book Sad Little Men about boys who have been made emotionally bankrupt and dysfunctional from being at boarding school. He is bullying your son, but won't see it cos his Dad did that to him and that's what boys/man are. Oh dear, I feel for you and especially your son.

I don't like your DHs attitude. They're pyjamas and your DS likes them. Why is it okay for girls to have their cheeks on display but it's a massive deal for DS?
Tell him to stop bullying your DS and I hope you don't have any DDs with his attitude.

Clearly a girl in picture with dog print and a bit femine cut .but in own house does it really matter and if hubby won't shut up just buy son a longer pair of plain shorts sorted and no moaning

I don't. Truly.

They are a single item of clothing with no sentimental value.

My children, and most others I presume, are more resilient than to be "fucked up" over the loss of a pair of shorts. I can't imagine anyone becoming a serial killer, agoraphobic, bad at relationships, unable to hold down a job, needing a life of therapy because one day they lost a pair of shorts.

With regards to trust, they are not going to know it was me who took them. I would not threaten it beforehand or confess after. Parents wash dirty toys, replace dirty toys, replace fish and hamsters, tell kids that Santa will only bring them gifts if they are good, do the elf on the shelf thing etc.

I can't imagine one of my children being "fucked up" because a pair of shorts went missing one day. Are there really people out there for whom this would be a lifelong issue? I am not trying to be funny. I genuinely want to know and am curious as to why you would think that.

With regards to trust, they are not going to know it was me who took them. I would not threaten it beforehand or confess after

So you'd throw away their belongings and lie to them about it? Truly stellar parenting there.

The not fitting properly sounds like an issue, but after saying that your husband sounds like a dick if he's always getting on at him about them being "girls" pyjamas.

Sounds to me that your dh is a seething mass of insecurity as well as an unpleasant bully.

Hi op my son is 22 years old and has the same pjs he also has a pink and blue set with paw prints on them.

Your husband is being a dick.

How are 9 year old girls/boys' shapes that different that a boy would reveal his bottom and a girl not?

In other words, why is it okay for a girl to wear 'short' shorts and not a boy?

I had a very similar situation, both with the cat-mad son and the husband saying stuff like that.
The compromise was, whatever top he wanted, and plain boys' pyjama bottoms/shorts - M&S did some, or we got bamboo ones off Amazon IIRC. And they do just fit better, because even little boys have more downstairs than little girls!
This isn't worth the battle.