To tell my husband to stop saying this?

[cittykat]

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

His dad.

The PJs are sold on amazon as girls, but the same brands does PJs with an image of a Husky that are "girls boys" and the only difference appears to be that it is an image of a dog rather than a cat. So I think they are just kids PJs and if your son loves them let him wear them.

Is anyone else even going to see them? If he's going to PGL or similar and your dh is worried then you might want to pack different PJs but I wouldn't give the reason, just say you don't want to risk him losing his favourite ones on the trip.

No double standards here, if he was a couple of years older I’d still be saying he could wear whatever pyjamas he wanted.

I voted that you’re not being unreasonable - but the same pjs. With a long trouser/ankle cuff id also available on amazon - could you not compromise by buying those so that dh stops bullying? I agree that if the cut of the short show bum cheeks it is irrelevant whether a boy or girl is wearing them - bum cheeks and genitalia should be covered on soft furnishings surely?

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/970304229/unisex-cotton-sleeping-trouser-pants?ref=elp_anchor_listing&frs=1

Fair point.

Your OH is being an arse about it, but unfortunately boys will pick on each other about stuff like this. And the trans thing has made it harder generally for children who just don't fit into very narrow boy / girl boxes. My eldest DS (now 13) isn't stereotypically boyish in some ways - liked pink, likes animals, would definitely wear cat PJs, hates football - so I speak from experience! I've always supported him in what he was into, but I think I was a little niave about bullying potential when he was younger and he's since told me there were issues. As others have said, get your DH to lay off, but maybe don't send the cat PJs on any sleepovers 😂

Just to add, is it possible your DH was bullied as a child and still has baggage about it? If he ruthlessly suppressed aspects of his personality to fit in and avoid bullying, he may be subconsciously scared for your son. Not defending his behaviour, but I definitely struggled with similar as someone who was bullied in childhood.

This is the kind of fabric I made the cushion out of.

I have just googled 'cat t-shirts with real cats' and loads come up that are just cats.

Or he could just have been pointing out that they are cut differently for girls and maybe wouldn’t ride up as much as they do on a child of the opposite sex.

Your DH is weird.

Well they are listed as girls pyjamas, sp it's possible that your husband has a little bit of a point, I understand you've sized up, but the style isn't appropriate as he isn't covered- which would be the same issue whether he was female or male.

But on the other hand, why would his friends see him I'm his pyjamas?
Why should he be so concerned with the fact they're girls if he likes them and they fit?
My DS is peppa pig mad. Finding the pj's for boys is expensive and hard to do so if I see peppa pig pj's in the supermarket, they're coming home with us. His little happy face, his comfort and warmth are really all that matters.

Your husband is an idiot. I’m glad that your son asked him to stop.

I would just buy a pair of jersey shorts with longer legs just for the peace. Shouldn’t have to but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Then I would start a conversation with DH about how he is going to react in future if DS doesn’t conform to his view of what he should be

Agreed!

And the other classic one "Cereal? It's not breakfast time now".

My son is generally either in his work uniform or his PJs and will eat cereal anytime of the day or night.

For everyone who's saying "well it says girls so they must be made for girls bodies", they are the exact same pattern as all the "boys" pajamas by the same company.

Op if you bought a pair of the "boys" pajamas with the exact same cut and fit, what would your husband say then?

Oh sorry, didn't realise your DS had authority on this 🙄🤣

I agree with your DH.

The question I would ask is if your DS’s friends saw him wearing them would they ridicule him. I suspect you know the answer to that.

You then need to decide if you want to facilitate the wearing of such items behind closed doors. That’s up to you and DH but anyone trying to virtue signal about it is being disingenuous. Would you be OK if he said he wanted to go to school in a dress?

In the description it says girls , so I'm wondering if he has looked them up and is making his unkind words to your ds based on that ?
Tbh if your son enjoys wearing them even if they were bright pink with bows on who cares .

Etsy have boy cat pj's or why not swop the bottoms so they aren't so revealing, but your husband is bullying

At what age though?

If her son chose these PJs, then that is one thing. He is who he is and there is nothing wrong with that.

It sounds like OP chose them, knowing that they are for girls and acknowledges that their 10 year old son now roams their house in hot pants and wants her husband to be ok with it.

I put my son in his sister's old pyjamas if they have animals on. Unless he asked for that, I wouldn't put him in her old ballerina nighties. Plenty of baby pics of him in floral and pink blankets. I won't but him that sort of thing aged 10 unless that's what he chose.

How to fuck up a child, 101.

Sounds like he’d be fine with a 10 year old daughter roaming the house in hot pants, just not a son. Which is weird.

Your husband is an ignorant bully who should be utterly ashamed of himself.

They are bits of cloth sewn together - they are pj’s - they do not have a sex or gender - they are clothes which your son likes.

Why is your husband being so nasty to his son?

I wouldn’t stand for it . He would be told in no uncertain terms to stop.

What a horrible, horrible way to treat anyone - especially your own son.

I’m kind of on the fence with this. I think your husband is right, they are girl’s PJs and if I saw them in a shop that would be my thought. I also agree that any shorts that potentially expose bum cheeks on either boys or girls are inappropriate so I’d look for a pair with longer shorts. I do agree with him if your son was to wear these to a sleepover he may well get teased (children can be so cruel).
Having said that, your husband shouldn’t be continuing to torment your son and needs to recognise that his son likes them and that’s what matters.

Doesn't matter whether they are designed and marketed for girls. Son loves them and his dad is being a cunt bullying him for something that has zero affect on him. Who does he think is going to see him if that's his concern?
How many women wear their dhs t shirts, shirts, goodies etc? No one thinks anything of it.
Bullying cunt.