To tell my husband to stop saying this?

[cittykat]

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

9 year old balls don’t tend to pop anywhere tbh.

It makes me so mad how few animal clothes there are out there for boys. My son desperately wanted kitten pyjamas but he didn't want pink ones. I ended up getting photo ones made with our own cat on.

I assume that your husband wears boxers or less to bed? If so, i would point out the sheer idiocy of his comments.

A 10 second google and LOADS of non pink cat pjs.

Sorry wrong pic

Toxic maculinity and anxious conformism all tied up together...your hubster sounds pitiful. Hes got his own issues to work out and should leave the kid out of it.
Cat pjs are cool, as everyone know

your son sounds lovely, you sound lovely, your husband sounds as if he needs to calm down and back off

Cute!

Well you said it - no-one has taught the bullyish boys right from wrong. When is someone going to - or are you happy to accept that society is just like that? "Be the change you want to see." Reading your words made me think of the time I was in the car with my Dad driving. He saw a girl wearing a short skirt walking on the pavement and said: "Well, she's just asking for it." I didn't agree with him then but knew he would never change. He went on to commit sexual assault but I doubt he even thought he'd done anything wrong. Are you prepared to put up with that for an easy life?

Get him one of these ...
https://catsprotectionteemill.com/product/boy-who-loves-cats-kids-t-shirt/Denim%20Blue/?options[]=Size:9-10y&currency=GBP&cgi=1&cgi=1&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21733350940&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn8XFBhCxARIsAMyH8Bu6r3eASVzjpb23aex4ACtzQzT4GCZItX14W4RCOtDf3VO1TUgkJ0oaAgueEALw_wcB

"why don't you just buy...." comments are a bit odd. The ds has a pair of cat pyjamas already that he's perfectly content with. If there's really an issue with the fit of the shorts perhaps he can mix and match with something he already has but I suspect from what the op has said that this is a non issue.

My DD was a big fan of the Marvel as a child and we'd buy her boys pyjamas because they were the ones that tended to have all the Avengers on. She was a big fan of the Black Widow but it was hard to buy only BW jammies because "certain shops" deemed Marvel to be for boys. 🙄😭

I agree that PJs marketed to girls tend to be too short (another reason DD grew up in boys ones instead), and that's a valid concern. But this guy is being unpleasant and a bully. Tell him to foxtrot oscar in the strongest terms.

Why would he be happy if it was his a part of his daughter’s bum visible, not his son’s?

Ugh. Your H sounds just revolting, bigoted and backward.

I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

A very valid point.

Sorry, but I don't buy the whole "A grown man is bullying a boy in his own home to prevent possible future bullying" shtick. How can you possibly say that he's humiliating the lad to prevent him being humiliated?

Would it be OK if the grown man hit the boy to toughen him up in case he ever gets punched in the future?

I never said it makes anything right, I just explained that this is a dad who has recognised something that may draw out his son being bullied has decided to do what he thinks best, albeit probably clumsily. A dad won't stop other people bullying his kids but can take some measures to do what is in his power to not attract attention. No I don't agree with bully's, I hate them. But that doesn't make them not be there.

Definately get these for winter!

m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61RizNc2-wL.AC_SY741.jpg

@Shellyash But, if that's how you feel, is the Dad not just pandering to the bully boys instead of standing up for his own son? Couldn't the Dad (or OP) @cittykat say to their son: "Look (son), there are some boys out there who may tease or even bully you if they saw you wearing those pyjamas. Ignore them. They are stupid and ignorant, and can only feel good if they do exactly what their friends do. That's so boring isn't it. They should have more imagination. Hopefully, when they're older, they will, as they'll realise they will never be successful or wonderful just being like everyone else. You crack on and be you, just as you are - and let these silly bully boys just be clones of each other."

I clicked on your link and I’m somewhat disappointed that the pjs aren’t some bejewelled glittery blingtastic number complete with cat ears on the hood.

Great post

This was my thought. There are ways and means without being hostile and upsetting people. He is a bully. Does he do anything else like this or is it just this one thing @cittykat

The only arse issue is your DH not your son's pyjamas.

I want some like that now
I'm 5' 10". Do you think anybody makes them in my size?

Until kids hit puberty and their body shape starts to change, all kids' clothes are kids' clothes. And even post-puberty anyone can wear whatever they like. Men can wear pink and glitter and skirts if they like; women can wear baggy shorts, big boots and shave their heads if they like.

Your husband sounds like a total dickhead, I have to say. The way to help a kid prepare for any potential bullying is to support them to be confident in their likes, dislikes and personality and to be a kind and gracious person. Your husband is doing the opposite of that and worse still - he's the one doing the bullying. Just because his masculinity is fragile doesn't mean his son's masculinity needs to be.

There's absolutely nothing inappropriate with the cut of the pyjamas either. From the way you described them I thought they were going to be hotpants, which wouldn't be my preference for any child - regardless of whether they're a boy or a girl. But those are just normal shorts pyjamas.

If your son likes cats, that's great. Lots of men have made a living from loving cats - e.g. Jackson Galaxy, Cat Man Chris Poole, and countless vets around the world to name but a few. Many more men love cats but do every sort of job you could think of. My own husband and my own dad were just two men I've known who adore/d cats. Your son sounds like a caring young lad who likes animals and that's a great trait for anyone to have.

Your husband, meanwhile, needs to grow up, stop bullying his own child, and accept his son for who he is. It's really sad.

Bet your son looks adorable in these, I dont understand your husband at all...does he see children as somehow 'sexual' is it triggering some memory of harm done to him?

These PJs are lovely and I hate that he is destroying your sons innocent enthusiasm...which is where the joys in life grow from (if not crushed).

Your son sounds brilliant as do you.

Your husband is being rather disturbing in his behaviours and should address what this is provoking for him, because this is about HIM...not your son.

He’s right though in that they are girls’ pyjamas.

The issue isn’t that, it’s the fact that the DH is making a big deal of it.

I'd replace the shorts at a push, for his dignity, otherwise they are harmless.
My DH might side eye DS wearing these, but he'd never say that he couldn't wear them.
DD has been wearing boys clothes from aged 9, she likes to hide in baggy clothing, no stereotypes.