To tell my husband to stop saying this?

[cittykat]

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

I'm intrigued by the idea that your husband seems to think that showing bum cheek is a female thing. He sounds like he has very rigid and unhelpful views. I used to buy 'boy' clothes for my DD because that was the only way I could get her things with dinosaurs on. Your husband can have his concerns but it's the way he's addressing them that is the issue. He needs to stop framing it as boy and girl things and consider what his problem is. And stop bullying your son.

Your husband is a nincompoop.

🤪

That is a very fine word that deserves a resurgence.

Why don't you just buy him a pair of the long leg ones?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07FTR1584?ref=emc_p_m_5_i_atc&th=1&psc=1

Son can wear a pink nightie if he wants and should be safe to do so in the privacy of his own home which should be a safe space. I

This 👏

Why the hell does it matter what the label says?! The OP says her son likes them, that's all that matters. Agree with the PP who says that this sexist crap is fuelling the confusion over young people thinking they should be the opposite gender because what they like doesn't fit with archaic gender stereotypes.

And actually, they are PJs for going to bed in and possibly lounging around the house.... Does it really matter if they show part of his bottom? It's not like he's parading down the street in them.

My 9-year-old DD is autistic and has huge sensory issues with clothes. We haven't gone out today so far and she is currently playing in her PJ top and (shock horror) nothing else!

Your husband is a cunt.

Pre-war women weren't allowed to wear pants because they were 'boys clothes' and we all realise now how ridiculous that was. Clothes are clothes. Let the kid wear what he wants and for the record my husband's favourite swim shorts are very short and pink and no one's having a go at him about it 🙄 My sons two favourite t-shirts are a green football shirt and a pink t-shirt with a wave on it, I can't believe people are still making an issue out of this in 2025, tell him to get a grip and reassure your son there's nothing wrong with it, he shouldn't be judged on his clothing especially in his own home.

Key points for your husband to understand:

• He thinks short shorts are ok on little girls but not little boys. That is very, very concerning and he needs to think carefully about whether or not he really means this and let you know if it’s his true opinion or if he’s been caught up in damaging stereotypes and really hasn’t thought it through (you may need to take action if he does really believe that).
• As others have said, gendered clothing (especially at that age when body differences are minimal) can be problematic anyway - while we’re not going to get away from centuries of social norms around this overnight, times are changing. I would suggest to you husband that he might want to reflect on his potentially outdated views of how males and females should dress because there’s no logic to what he says (unless of course he admits to you that he believes women and girls are lesser and exist to be objectified and should therefore have more skin on show - see my first point).
• Regarding concerns about bullying, while bullies will find any and every reason to bully if they want to, I would suggest that the concerns your husband is expressing about what said bullies might hone in on are quite outdated. In my experience as a teacher, one area where most children and young people are now very very accepting and open-minded is around gender and its signifiers, such as clothing. He’s probably basing his judgement on what would’ve happened when he was at school and more retrograde ideas about male and female dressing were around. (Though of course not many other children will see your child in his pyjamas so there’s that hole in his logic that’s also worth pointing out).

Ultimately, the manufacturer labels these as girls’ pyjamas because there’s a whole industry based around categorising clothes based on gender, built upon stereotypes. Your husband needs to try to learn to see beyond that and reflect on his own possibly outdated views.

I'm most intrigued by the argument that if a bum cheek is hanging out they must be for girls. Why is it okay for a 9 year old girls butt cheek to be visible but not a boys? I would ask him more about that because the undertones of that belief are a bit disturbing

Sounds like your husband is completely useless as a parent and perhaps you ought to consider why you tolerate him.

Agree your husband is being an arse. God forbid you bought girls pyjamas - how dare you buy something for a boy that isn’t Minecraft or a tractor!!!

I have two boys who regularly pick things they like from the girls section and especially pyjamas (real Squishmallow phase here at the moment) they’re bloody pyjamas for goodness sake.

I did have a look, and if you agree on the shorts could you get these ones with the trousers?

amzn.eu/d/8Vrgxzo

I have 4 boys and I don’t know any of them who would have had a problem from other people about wearing pyjamas like them- they look like boys or girls (colour print etc).

The “he’s approaching secondary age” viewpoints on this thread are so sad: it reminds me a little of the thread about brothers taking a bath together. A strange determination to stop children being children as soon as possible. What could be more innocent than a small boy who loves cats wearing his cat PJs? Society will come along and quash any non-conformity before long; why’s his dad so determined to rush that process at home, his safe space to be whatever he wants to be, to be comfortable?

Id be asking why are such short shorts ok on a girl but not a boy though?

Your husband is being a total knob. Of course your DS should wear his pjs if he likes them.

I don't think your son has a pj problem, I think he has a father problem. What does your DH hope to achieve by this behaviour? Making your son more "manly"? I worry how far your DH is prepared to take this treatment of your DS. His behaviour suggests he may be somewhat homophobic. Better hope your DS is not gay.

Just wondering if it is ok for girls to wear eg Spiderman pjs? Or train ones? Or cars ones?

Well, to be fair they are described as girls pyjamas.
Buy a pair of longer shorts to match top. But at his age he can wear anything he wants

There you go, OP! On top of all the paedophile and misogyny accusations, along with demands you re-assess your marriage, here's the icing on the cake.

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

No 9yo is going to know that those pyjamas are specifically marketed to girls. And even if they did, it's pretty normal for kids to wear what they like from across the spectrum, although I think you see more girls wearing "boys'" clothing than vice versa, not least because girls' and women's clothing tends to be lower quality and less utilitarian than boys' and men's at similar price points. If the shorts are clearly too short or too revealing, that's a separate issue. But then, it's a bit suss that your husband seems to think that showing "bum cheek" is normal (and "hot"?) for 9 year old girls but completely unacceptable for 9yo boys.

Also, it seems like your son is so far wearing these at home in the company of his family, not even AT a sleepover. If he's at risk for being bullied by his friends, classmates, etc., he needs his family to provide a respite and to stand up for him rather than bullying him too. If your husband's intentions are truly good, why can he not just say "those pajamas are fine around the house but let's choose something a little more sturdy for a sleepover..." ?

I have to say, I preferred nincompoop, as suggested by @CeciliaDuckiePond😁

I would be uncomfortable with a girl wearing those shorts to bed, tbh. I think they are inappropriate for either sex - though the print is neutral. I would buy PJs with longer trouser legs for a boy and a nightdress and shorts for a girl.
A bit old-fashioned, I expect.

Wellllll, I suppose he means that in a proverbial daughter´s case, her balls aren´t in any danger of popping out at any given moment.

So many comments on here that i have hardly read any. But i am going to jump in on your DH side. Mine would do the same and the total reason he is doing it is to protect your son. Kids are merciless and heartless and all it takes is for a friend to see these PJ's and your kid will be bullied relentlessly. DH is doing it to stop this happening. As hard as it seems and as unkind as it seems, as a bloke he knows only too well trigger points for boys to be unkind to each other. Even in this day of correctness and acceptance of everyone and everything - no one has taught the bullyish boys whats right and wrong.