To tell my husband to stop saying this?

[cittykat]

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

How so ? There are a slew of comments here very clearly implying that OP’s DH is some sort of perv who objects to his DS’s bum cheek being exposed, but who wouldn’t mind seeing the same of his daughter. There’s absolutely nothing in OP’s post to suggest that, and yet here we are.

You and your husband need to deal with your differences of opinion without involving your child.
If you continue to disagree then a compromise would be to keep the top and wear it with different shorts.

On Amazon they do a blue shirt with black cats on a piano. Could that be something he'd wear?

He didn’t say it was OK for a girl though did he ? The comment was aimed at the fact that they were designed for a girl, not that he would like to see a girl wearing them - just that they were inappropriate for a boy.

Doesn't sound like bullying to me, just a father who doesn't want his kid to be picked on - as he definitely would have been, in DH's day.

Yeah, if DH was a bit more canny he wouldn't use terms like 'girl's pyjamas', even though that is literally how they're being marketed. And yeah, stupid him for not realising times have changed and it's not such a big deal for boys to wear clothes designated for girls these days.

But that said - can you not see past his choice of vocab, from which PPs are extrapolating all kinds of dated and toxic attitudes, to a father whose main concern is his son's wellbeing? Maybe you just need to explain to him that boys today do wear things that would have made them targets in the past, but are now more widespread and accepted.

Or is there more to it - an underlying resentment of DH that's come out in this bizarre accusation of bullying?

I think the Amazon description should be taken at face value. They aren't sold as unisex. And from what the OP has said, they don't sound appropriate. And to clarify, I don't think EITHER male or female children should have their bum cheeks visible. This issue could have been avoided if the OP had been more thoughtful in her purchase. They could have easily been returned when found to be too short/poorly fitting.

It actually looks like OP and the father are caught up in a power struggle and using their son as a way to score points against each other. Surely OP knew her partner wouldn't find the shorts appropriate but bought them anyway and encourages him to wear them. Then hopes for support on MN.

I mean two of my three boys would refuse to wear them on the basis that they’re girls pyjamas. My third doesn’t give a shit about such nonsense and happily wears my Nike trackie trousers if his are in the wash (he’s 17) he doesn’t care what it’s labelled as (and these ones are labelled as women’s).

Your husband is the problem here.

Who cares if he wears cat pj's? If there is a genuine issue with the shorts being too revealing, whether worn by a girl or a boy, it's a design flaw. Just buy some plain coordinating shorts to wear with the top and ditch the useless ones.

I absolutely agree. Everyone is generally fine with a girl exhibiting her ‘tomboy’ characteristics by wearing ‘boy’ clothes. But some folk seem to get themselves into a right old state about boys wearing ‘girl’ clothes. Because they’re punching down. Being soft instead of tough. Fucking hell. Are we really still here with all this shit?

@cittykat YANBU.

However.

Can I suggest that you go on Vinted, select girls' sleepwear, filter by size, and put the word "cat" in as a search term?

There is a plethora of pyjamas with cats on in size 9.

Your DH appears to be right that cat motifs seem to be marketed to girls (or at least, sellers on Vinted seem to think that pyjamas with cats on are for girls), but a lot of what is there is really very gender neutral.

Vinted is the place to find stuff if you're looking for a particular motif.

This. A quick google shows lots of similar designs for boys with longer shorts, or just get longer neutral shorts to go with the top. The comments dad is making should be to OP, out of earshot of the child. Or better still why doesn’t he take his son shopping for something similar and more appropriate if he objects so strongly.

I think you've misunderstood. They are girly pjs and sold as such. The kid is wearing them because he likes cats, not because he's chosen to present a more feminine side to his nature (which is what the father and most likely others would interpret from his wearing them). OP should have found a more suitable pair of pjs that have cats on or at very least, replaced the shorts with something better fitting.

If the time comes that the kid wants to deliberately choose feminine clothing, so be it. But that's a different discussion because at the moment, the decision is based on liking cats and OP's poor shopping choices.

Your husband comments to your son are 'opinion' and not constructive. He is being critical and this is both unhelpful and upsetting to your son. I agree that if the shorts are riding up in such a way as to expose his bum cheeks, then that is not really comfortable (literally for him) or anyone else that he's on view to, and that would apply to whatever sex the child is. On that point I do find it odd that your husband thinks they are girls pyjamas. Would it be okay to him then, if his daughter wore 'shorty' shorts? If it were me I would compromise and buy some longer 'non cat' shorts to wear with the (beautiful) cat top. I thinks it's lovely your son is a cat lover and that should be encouraged and not made to be something he would/could be bullied for.

Also @cittykat you could look for T-shirts with cats on and just buy plain cotton shorts separately, which he can then wear together as pyjamas.

I don’t get why people are obsessing over the fact the item is labelled as ‘girls pyjamas’. That’s what the retailer and/or manufacturer has decided to label them as- purely for marketing reasons. It obviously doesn’t mean that only girls can wear them.

I have female friends with large feet who buy trainers labelled as ‘men’s trainers’. They are still able to physically wear the trainers- their reproductive system does not make it impossible. Nor do the clothing police arrest them for wearing them.

I have a very small friend who is lucky enough to be able to buy tax-free children’s clothing to wear. When she takes her items to the till, no one asks her for proof of age. She is able to physically wear these clothes despite being in her 40s.

Really amused by the idea that people take marketing so literally.

Your husband is unreasonable if he keeps going on about it. They are girls pyjamas so I can understand him mentioning it once ‘are they girls pjs, they look like girls style?’ but that could’ve been the end of it. They’re only pyjamas for gods sake.

I do think he could be teased wearing them to a sleepover as kids can be quite rigid about gendered clothing but at home I can’t see the problem.

It’s funny the shorts don’t look like hot pants style at all, one of the reasons I’m not a fan of online shopping!

These shorts look a bit longer but maybe he’d want full length soon anyway as it gets cooler https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anantty-Pyjamas-Kitten-Nightwear-Teenagers/dp/B0CCCWQ4NS

Clearly this is not marketed at boys and is not a design most boys approaching senior school would be interested in wearing
But this boy loves them, so really does it matter? They are pjs, and the only bullying this boy is getting is in his own home and from his own dad.

Incidentally @cittykat the company seems to make some in blue, if you want to blow your dhs gender conforming mind. Girls, allowed to wear blue! Whatever next 🙄

Every review says to size up and some with 14/15 year old girls are saying that they need to make them in adult sizes, so they can get their girls them.
They are aimed at girls, there's lots of boys/unisex cat pj's about. He shouldn't wear these to a sleepover and shouldn't be wearing clothing with his arse cheeks out, at home.

Your son should wear whatever patterned pjs that he likes but shouldn’t be flashing bum cheek when he’s rolling around as kids do. Have him wear different bottoms if these are too short. It’s unclear from your post whether or not this is the case.

This exactly. He’s in his own home, presumably amongst people who aren’t child abusers - so what if his bum shows occasionally? Am I the only person who has an 8 year old who walks around naked with no issue? They’re in the privacy of their own home ffs! And who cares if they’re marketed for girls? He likes cats and they’ve got cats on them.

What a depressing read this has been!

Ask him why a girl is by default more exposed than a boy, in expectation?

A lot of comments that these are little hot pants. If you click the link you can see they are not.

They do say they are girl’s pyjamas- could you not find any boy’s ones. They might fit better

Yes, it's interesting that his objection is not that children should not be showing their arse cheeks, but that only girls should be showing their arse cheeks. Why is this indecent for a boy but not for a girl?

I thought that. The picture doesn’t look like hot pants at all so wondered if it was some funny deceptive picture. If they’re loose shorts (as they appear to be) it’s normal they might ride up a bit of he’s lounging around. I just don’t think that’s a big deal at home with family for a child that age.