Dada always doing nursery run, is he single?

[ByDandyTurtle]

Aibu in thinking he must be single as I never see a woman drop of the child

I want to approach him but unsure

If it's not pretending then there's no issue. I was specifically talking about the suggestion that she pretend to want a platonic friendship. I have clarified that several times for the posters who either can't read or choose not to.

You can keep going on and on and on about how if OP does something entirely different from what I've criticised then she's not doing anything wrong but no one is talking about that entirely different thing.

I've not at all suggested that OP has to do anything. I've said it's predatory to pretend you only want a platonic friendship when you only want sex. That's it. That's all I've said. Your only response is "well, X behaviour wouldn't be pretending to only want a platonic friendship"... well, yeah, then that would be completely irrelevant, wouldn't it?

I never said she shouldn't speak to him, couldn't ask him questions, couldn't approach him, couldn't do this/that/the other... I said she shouldn't (as suggested) try to initiate a supposedly platonic friendship with the sole intention of actually shagging him.

The fact you need to invent so much in order to be outraged kind of proves my point.

You replied directly to my post saying the following:

“She's not intending to initiate friendly* contact though, is she?
OP hasn't even said she's intending to do this (so this isn't a criticism of her) but striking up a "friendship" with someone when your sole intention is sexual/romantic is actually predatory behaviour. It's something men do to women and is called out a lot on here (and in real life) and rightly so. It's the attitude of "I was nice to her so now she owes me sex".
Regardless, the question OP has asked is whether she's unreasonable to assume, solely because he does the nursery runs, he's single. She is unreasonable to assume that because there are so many (far more likely) explanations.”

suggesting she’s not allowed to make contact with him unless she says “hi random dad, I’d like to fuck you if you’re single and game for it??” Which no one in their right mind would ever do. You’re saying she’s not allowed to simply strike up a friendly conversation, establish if he’s single, if she actually likes him as a person and whether he’s interested- which is exactly how you go about starting a relationship with someone.

You called it predatory 😂 It is not remotely predatory unless she’s trying to manipulate him or coerce him into something.

You can back pedal all you want, but your post is here to see.

Lots of relationships start from having been platonic first. Similarly, you might be initially attracted to someone and then when you get to know them you realise you are not (both have happened to me). Not sure how you are meant to declare your intentions beforehand. It's not pretending when you don't yet know someone yet and are just trying to figure them out. Relationships are nuanced and complex at best of times. I think just go for it, strike up a conversation and invite the dad and kid to a playdate. If you've never met the mum it would be odd to ask for her number, but I think the family status will soon be apparent.

You quoted me and then, immediately underneath, invented a load of shit that I didn't say.

Why quote me exactly if you're just going to ignore it and invent that I said "she’s not allowed to make contact with him unless she says “hi random dad, I’d like to fuck you if you’re single and game for it??”" and "she’s not allowed to simply strike up a friendly conversation, establish if he’s single, if she actually likes him as a person and whether he’s interested"?

If you think I actually said those things, why do you need to completely reword it to make your point?

You're manipulating the use of the word "friendly" to try and twist things. I'm not back padeling - I'm clarifying. I now realise I shouldn't bother because you're not confused, you're choosing to feign that you don't understand. You know exactly what I'm saying and can't actually disagree with it so you're choosing to pretend you think I said something else. I never said what you're accusing me of saying.

I do all the drop offs, my wife starts work at 8am 30 minutes away. I start at 8:30am 10 minutes away from nursery.

Admittedly she does pick ups so an outsider would see that.

Why get involved in a conversation about her being predatory if you’re claiming you’re not saying that? You blatantly did. She’s absolutely allowed to get into any friendly conversation she likes, regardless of whether she wants it to be romantic. The fact you’re trying to deny you said that even with it in front of you in black and white is mind blowing.

Still, at least you’ve realised what you were saying was madness and now tried to back pedal out of it, so that’s a bonus.

The thread is extremely, extremely clear if you read it.

Posters suggested OP do something. OP never indicated she would do that thing. I said that thing would be predatory behaviour, and made clear I wasn't criticising OP because she hadn't even indicated she was going to do it. You lost your shit and invented that I'd called OP predatory and that I called several other things predatory behaviours. I clarified, you lost your shit again and decided to start moving goalposts.

It's very clear how what I said was relevant to the thread even though OP never said she was going to do it. If you can't understand the thread, why are you commenting at all?

As above, I haven't back pedalled. I clarified that I never said what you invented - but you already knew that but are clearly bored. I'm not denying that I said what I said, I'm denying that I said what you invented.

Things I have said are predatory: Pretending you only want a platonic relationship with someone that you only want a romantic/sexual relationship with. Do you actually disagree with that statement or do you only disagree with what you've invented that I've said? So far, all you've discussed is why you disagree with something no one has said - yet you have the audacity to question how my contribution to the thread is relevant.

I don’t understand where this “pretending to want a platonic relationship” is coming from. You always enter friendships/relationships on a platonic basis even if you fancy someone, because otherwise you might be being predatory - entering into a relationship with the intention of more regardless of whether the other person wants to. But that’s a whole different ball game and not really relevant to the thread.

It just doesn’t make sense. No one would be “pretending” anything. It’s perfectly normal to enter that friendship even if you fancy them. There’s literally no other way to get with someone.

My first response on this thread I believe wasn’t even to you. So not sure why you even picked up and replied if you’re supposedly taking about something else?! Perhaps don’t bother?

What the hell are you on about?

Relationships do not always come from friendships. That's just not true at all.

Just keep changing those goal posts, if they keep moving, you can keep feeling like you're "winning". You've proven you have no point by refusing to respond to what I said (again). I'll try again (again).

Things I have said are predatory: Pretending you only want a platonic relationship with someone that you only want a romantic/sexual relationship with. Do you actually disagree with that statement or do you only disagree with what you've invented that I've said?

Christ, I never said every friendship turns to a relationship. You really are clutching at straws here 🤣 but in the real world when people meet they will interact with each other prior to moving to something romantic. Potential becoming friends first. That’s not an unusual situation. It’s also not the only way it happens obviously, didn’t think that needed explanation.

Yes I disagree that you can’t be friendly with someone you fancy. I cannot see what the alternative is, other than going straight in with asking them out or similar, which isn’t usually appropriate.

The only time something becomes wrong is if you fancy someone and then don’t take no for an answer and pressure them in to something they don’t want to do.

I have a friend who asked me out a few months after we met and became friends. I wasn’t interested in him romantically, but I don’t consider it a problem that he asked. We are still friends now over 20 years later! I don’t consider it an issue that he became friends with me and also fancied me at the same time. He did nothing wrong. Maybe it was always his intent to ask me out, I’ve no idea and I don’t really care. That’s private for him to know.

"Christ, I never said every friendship turns to a relationship."

I never said you did say that, did I? You're desperate to invent things. You said all relationships come from friendships. That's not true. I'm glad you now agree that it's "not the only way it happens obviously" because you previously said it was the only way it happens. You said "You always enter friendships/relationships on a platonic basis even if you fancy someone" and "There’s literally no other way to get with someone". Those are direct quotes of exactly what you said. So, no, when you say one thing, it's isn't self-explanatory that you meant the exact opposite of that thing.

None of your anecdote is at all relevant.

Yet again, you've invented that I said something I never said, changed your argument and refused to answer the question.

You've literally said:
"You always enter friendships/relationships on a platonic basis even if you fancy someone" and
"There’s literally no other way to get with someone"
Then, in your very next comment, you've said:
"It’s also not the only way it happens obviously, didn’t think that needed explanation."

How the hell do you not see that you're just doing complete u-turns every time you say something? And why won't you answer what was actually asked?

Given that you have absolutely no idea what your opinion is and are happy to completely reverse it in each comment, it's pretty blatant that you agree with me but just hate not being able to whinge.

I meant in real life when you meet a person. On a dating site (which I did mention earlier actually) it would be different as clearly intention is romantic. But if you meet someone you fancy in real life do you genuinely just approach them, a total stranger, and tell them you’d quite like to suck on their genitals??

Because you’ve still not informed me how it’s meant to work if you don’t just chat to them on a friendly basis first?!

My anecdote isn’t irrelevant as that’s the behaviour you’re telling me is so terrible!

My DH does majority of the nursery runs so I can sleep in because I'm EBF our newborn and I can't be arsed with pumping so I do all the night feeds 🤷‍♀️

1. Why aren't you responding to the fact you just u-turned completely on your point?
2. If you think the only way to express a romantic interest in someone is to ask to suck of their genitals then you need help.
3. Again, as said so many times, you can speak to someone without being deceptive.
4. The anecdote isn't an example of the behaviour I've said is wrong. I have no idea why you think it is.

You clearly have issues with reality and it's extremely tedious.

I've answered all your questions - you have refused to answer any of mine.

You have no point. You said that ALL relationships were originally friendships and that it's the ONLY way to initiate a relationship. You then said it's OBVIOUS that what you said isn't true. You live in la-la-land.

If you have a response to what I've said instead of what you're imagining, let me know. Otherwise, stop wasting my time with your inability to read my opinion or even decide on your own.

1. what have I u-turned on? I’m not the government
2. I did not say that, the whole point I’m making is that no one would do that. Are you really trying to twist something black and white into something that it clearly doesn’t say? 🤣 it doesn’t look great for you
3. in what way is anything I’ve suggested “being deceptive”?
4. because you came in, quoted me and then started banging on about it being predatory to “pretend” to be platonic, without explaining how on earth that works?

You’ve not answered the main and singular question have asked you, I’ll try one more time:

”How are you supposed to approach a person you have just met in real life that you fancy?”

You haven’t explained a thing, I’ve tried to answer your questions but whenever I do you just back pedal and twist things. Pointless.

Why did you quote me in the first place if the scenario you’re criticising is nothing to do with what the OP has done?

I'm out. If I've said something a thousand times and you still behave this way, the problem isn't something I have the power to fix. Try having an adult help you if you're struggling.

Ok cool. This is me in the 2000s 😍

So, if you had a friend, But then you began to fancy them (sorry if you aren't allowed to say 'fancy' anymore btw) then you are a PREDATOR!!

Finally. As I say, I don’t even know why you quoted my reply to someone else in the first place? Thankfully I missed whatever rude or inappropriate response you sent next.

I’m quite content with my method of getting to know people, you know, just the normal one where you fancy someone and go and speak to them to get to know them 😂

OP, just speak to the guy, it’s totally normal. And definitely not predatory!

Phew! Fancy is still a thing!! 😂

Said no one, ever

Absolutely it is 😍