If you didn’t send your child to nursery ?

[OJR]

What was your reasons? Did you get judged for it ?

You go first.

Do your close friends and family really judge you like that? I’ve never had any of my friends or family grill me about my parenting decisions and judge me. A stranger has never asked me, and I wouldn’t care what their feelings were about it anyway.

I think if this is something you are worried about then it’s probably a good idea to cut these toxic people from your life.

We got a nanny with my first because she was only 8 months when I returned to work. She then went onto pre school at 3.
my second will be 1.5 years when I go back to work so we’ll likely consider nursery.
no judgement from anyone but it is a pita going through PAYE/Pension and having to actually manage the nanny, as good as she was it can be more awkward dealing with issues as they arise than it would be with a nursery.

I would judge someone for denying their child a pre school education, but then the only time I’ve known it happen has been because the mother has been too anxious to let her child go before she is forced to.

Only if you don't send them to preschool.

The only nursery that could deal with her physical disabilities was 70 minutes away. Wasn't worth having her in the car for that long for a shorter day (I'd have had to take her after her siblings went to school and collect her early to collect them) so she didn't go.

Some folks absolutely did judge, but I give a shit about those judgements as much as I care about their endless judgements about other things. When they're in my shoes and have the first clue about dealing with a child with her health and disabilities I may give a shit about their opinions, until then their "I would..." statements mean nothing.

No-one would accept him because of his disabilities.

An anxious parent who keeps their child at home may be denying their child independence but that comes from a wider pattern of behaviour.

A "pre-school education" isn't compulsory and not is it necessary. What does it give a child that a hands-on, involved, curious, and loving parent can't give them?

An understanding of the routine of the school day. What it means to be part of a class, to participate in things and get along with a largish group of classmates. Increased confidence when going into a school setting.

I wouldn't judge anyone on this as kids can do great without it if they do have really good parents providing them with lots of opportunities. But I do think it's really helpful for kids to go to nursery/preschool from 3. Whenever I worked in reception classes the teachers always said they could tell the difference between the children that went to nursery/preschool and those that didn't.

Mine go/went to a childminder until starting school and I didn't send them to nursery because I felt they got better care (smaller setting, less illnesses were also a factor ha) with her.

Dc3 didn't go. The one that dc2 went to moved to the other side of town and there were no others near the older dc school. I had a poorly baby who was in and out of hospital and i just couldn't do it. He was fine and the health visitor saw him more frequently than normal because he wasn't in nursery/pre school to check on his development.

Interesting… how could the teachers tell? Can you give some examples of the things those who went to nursery could do that the other non-nursery kids couldn’t?

Nah, I still disagree. It's ridiculous to attempt to get children "school ready". Children shouldn't have to be preparing for school when they're three. Schools should be ready to receive 5yr olds.
Where does it end? "Better put your 1yr old in nursery so they're pre-school ready!"

If Reception was truly "play based" it should feel like a comfortable setting that would take minimal "getting used to". And a pre-school or nursery can't get a child used to the school's routine anyway. Each setting is unique.

I appreciate this is an ideal scenario but parents shouldn't be pressured to go against what they want to do and what they feel is best for their child just because our school system doesn't suit everyone (and never really will, no matter how much pre-school education a child goes to).

FWIW, I probably will send my DS to pre-school because I think he'll enjoy the social aspect. But it won't be to.please his future teacher because he conforms.

@OJR do you mean before the age of 3.
I sent mine at 3 because that's pre-school and part of the school system (first year of Foundation Stage).
I didn't send before then because really that's childcare and I didn't need or would have been able to afford it.
No one cared though. Why would they?

Are you including Pre-School in that?

Both of mine went to Pre-school. Only one went to Nursery.. and that was down to him being disabled and needing the extra professional input with his speech/co-ordination.

I wasn't judged for keeping DD home til she was old enough to attend Pre-school. Reasons i didn't send her was Ds was at School, and i couldn't find a nursery that would work around his school schedule with the free 15 hours allowance (see previous comment about his disability)

We have a nanny, then at 3 years old preschool. I feel 1:1 care for toddlers is best (if practical/affordabie) and I adore our nanny. However, at 3 years old my first born was very ready for preschool and has enjoyed it from day 1 (never any tears at drop off etc).

Do what works best for your kids

No. Different groups and activities every day. No pre-school attached to school and knew that the upset would be horrendous twice (starting school was traumatic for DC and starting pre-school and then a different school would have been more than they could bear). 4 is too young to start school as it is for summer born. Any potential downsides in terms of preparedness for school well outweighed by their wellbeing. Sufficiently prepared by family and play group experience to do things like take turns etc. Teachers surprised to find out that they hadn’t been

Haven’t sent my DC2 to nursery so far but she will go to preschool for a year before reception. Will do the same with DC3.

DC1 went to a day nursery and he cried all the time. Years later he still talks about how sad he was there and missed us and he hated it. I don’t think it was good for him at all

🙄

I'm a childminder and have had a few children stay with me until school.

Reception is supposed to be preparation for school. Children don't need a year or more of nursery to prepare them for Reception to prepare them for Year 1.

At some point we need to let children just live rather than constantly prepare them!

Neither of my older kids went. The older one had serious anxiety about being away from us, and started school at 4 years and 2 weeks old. She managed reception but couldn’t take year 1…we pulled her out and home educated until year 4. Taking GCSEs next year, a confident and self assured little adult.

Middle child never went because there was no need, he started school in year 2. Quiet, calm and slightly shy child, works hard at school and has good friends.

Youngest started nursery at around 2 years old, a little unsettled for the first day or so but then fine. Now starting year 3. Quite a sensitive chap, finds starting some things hard, but fine at school etc.

Certainly wasn’t an essential to us, and I don’t remember anyone really paying any attention to whether they went or not. Are people interested in that kind of thing? We had a little more interest in the home eduction when they were older, but even then…not much.

So interesting. I’ve never come across this view. My dc did not go to nursery or preschool because I didn’t work/ need childcare. I wasn’t aware people sent dc for reasons other than childcare! Although I appreciate children enjoy it too.
We had a wonderful time before school started with local groups like Mini professors, forest school sessions, library, swimming etc.Also just the freedom to see family, visit fun places and enjoy them being little.
DC were very happy starting school at 5 and totally ready for reception- toilet trained, able to dress/ shoes and coats on, sit quietly and listen etc. I’ve always felt really grateful for those pre school years .

Children don't need nursery under three but many do enjoy preschool. The benefit of preschool is learning cooperative play with peers - children generally enjoy this at that age and learning to be with different adults and learning some skills in being independent with things such as getting dressed. Nurseries are more beneficial for adults than for children overall.

I wouldn't judge anyone negatively for not sending their child to nursery/preschool as I do think for most children in families with good dynamics can learn all the skills needed at home to be ready for school. (Obviously if the parents or adults in the family leave them in front of the TV eating snacks for 12 hours it would be a different story!)

I had a nanny.

Mine went to pre-school for 6 hours a week at 2 and is upping to 12 hours this year. Groups around here are a bit lacking, and I'm bad at social chit chat situations.

From my experience you're far more likely to be judged for sending your child 'unnecessarily' than not sending them. People I've spoken to tend to view it as abdicating responsibility for your kids.