If you didn’t send your child to nursery ?

[OJR]

What was your reasons? Did you get judged for it ?

Mine didn’t. DMIL looked after her and we had an Au Pair for a year when she was 4 (I worked part time for a this year). DMIL is an ex Primary School head teacher, DD had a varied and educational week with her - lots of activities and meeting up with other children almost daily. Our Au Pair was Spanish (DD now speaks Spanish pretty well because of it!).

Yeah I don’t need to re read something as I understand it perfectly and stand by what I said . Since it seems you haven’t sent your kids you seem to have a negative view to nursery, let me help dissuade a few things

• my kids went to a woodland nursery so we’re in the woods all the time
• they had trips to the library, parks, farms, zoo etc
• they also did activities not offered - sports for example, swimming etc

And no not all parents do the things you have said. You can love your child and not take them to daily playgroups. Playgroups are as ‘chaotic’ as nursery at times as well. But yea a lot of them do. Most teachers will also say they can always see the difference between nursery kids and kids who have never been so it isn’t all negative.

Socialisation is important and I’m not sure an hour three times a week is the same thing. We agree to disagree but I think your perception of nursery isn’t always accurate.

I think the main benefit of pre school from 3 ish is independent socialisation. Children learn to get on with others in group, how to work things out. They also get used to things like sitting down, take turns, getting a teacher’s attention when they need something and when that is and isn’t appropriate in a less formal, more supportive in terms of adult ratios than school.

Ive taken my kids to loads of playgroups. It’s not the same as a nursery. My child knew I was there and I was the one who stepped in if there was a fight over a toy etc.

I can’t see how going to a decent, well run nursery for 3 hours a day couldn’t be in a pre-schooler’s best interests. You can still take them for walks, to the shops etc.

Strange they based the nursery for 2 year old on money though I believe. It doesn't mean that just because you are skint you can't interact with your child and do things with them

They have to base it on something. And being skint puts a huge limit on what you can do. Also being skint can be demoralizing and exhausting. Which also puts huge limits on what you can do.

i got judged for sending my 2 year old to child minder 5 days a week.

Mine went to nursery two days a week because I worked. If I hadn’t worked I would not have sent them to nursery or pre school. I don’t think they needed it. I am basing this on my children. Couldn’t care less what other people do.

I know lol. I was very skint when my kids were small despite working full time. No childcare help then either. But managed to play games and read boks with them ( bought for pennies at bootsale) go blackberry picking in the woods, kids farm that was free to enter. 50p toddler groups in church hall

It was exhausting working full time with 2 small kids and having no support.

Loads you can do with a 2 year old that doesn't cost money. Most of the " things" that are sold to parents to enrich kids lives can be recreated at a fraction of the cost

I don't really notice if people are judging me. I make decisions I can stand by and explain if necessary. I sent mine at age 2 for the 15 hours, then 4 days when they were 3. They enjoyed it. I'd not send them earlier because I don't trust strangers to care for my baby as I would.

If I wasn't in a position to be this choosy I wouldn't have had children.

We were asked constantly if DD was going as soon as she turned 2. I think people worry about it more if you only have or plan to have 1 child. They seem to imagine that you just stay home with your poor kid all alone 🤣 In contrast my second DD is now 15 months and not one person has mentioned it. Probably because she goes to every group/ play date that her sister goes to so there's no questioning her socialising and people trust your judgement a lot more if you are not a first time parent.

Well done you!

No, I haven't sent my child to nursery but I have worked in preschools and cared for children that attend a range of settings so I can assure you I have a very good grasp of childcare settings.

But the more you type, the more you prove my point. I still don't see what your nursery is giving your child that I'm not giving mine?
You can be loving and not go on outings (but again, I said more than just "loving") but you can also go to a nursery that doesn't take children on trips.
And yeah, playgroups can be chaotic but there's a far high adult-child ratio which (generally) means children are better supervised.

It seems the benefits of nursery Vs home depends on both the nursery and the parent.
I am confident that with my education and experience I can provide plenty for my son and of at least equal quality to some of the settings I've worked with. And I believe most parents can too.

I don't have a negative view of most nurseries or pre-schools. I just don't think they're necessary for ANY of the things you listed. You really don't think my child can learn to get along with other kids despite attending several playgroups a week as well as hosting playdates and socialising with a consistent group of mixed-age children in our community?!

Well that is a way to twist my words... I can't imagine not doing any form of childcare until school and that being the first time they aren't with parents or any other family.

Mine is going mornings next month at a school preschool. We can still do something in the afternoon. 🤷

I’m not twisting your words at all! Have another look at your post…..

I was home for 13 months with both DC (may leave plus accrued holiday). Returned part-time and used a childminder until they were each 3 years old. I wanted a home environment with my DC doing what I would do (park, post office, shop, etc.). Nursery was a fully outdoor forest school. DD1 spent 3 years there (deferred) and DD2 spent 2 years.

No regrets bar not being in Scandinavia so they could wait until 7 for school.

Some children are completely fine with this though. We sent ours to nursery for a couple of terms before starting school, but in hindsight I don’t think it would have mattered. He had never been left with anyone else before and didn’t care at all the first time that he was. I don’t think it would have mattered if the first time had been at school.

I'd take an educated guess that they were more institutionalised. Call it school ready or whatever positive spin people like to use, but children who have been to nursery are likely to be easier to manage because they've already been indoctrinated into a system. They learn to comply. It makes life easier for teachers, often parents and sometimes, the children themselves. I don't judge anyone for doing what the majority do, nor do I judge anyone for doing it differently. I might be curious as to their reasons which is surely more productive than judging.

I can’t see how being “school ready” could be a bad thing.

So you never took your kids regularly to community playgroups then?

All those things can be experienced outside of nursery or preschool, too.

God no, of course I wasn't judged for it (to my knowledge)

I didn't send my 3 kids (all adults now).

My mum had 5 kids and none of us went to nursery either.

There's nothing wrong with nurseries, we just didn't see the need.

It's never occurred to me that there might be some weirdo out there judging us! 👀🤣

It depends whether you view conformity as a good thing. If you believe all five-year -olds should reach the same arbitrary standard in order to compete the same tasks in the same way, then it's absolutely a good thing. In fact, it's essential for the functioning of the classroom. But it's a mistake to think this is the only way, or the best way. Children tell us what they need.We think we know best, or teachers, or ofsted, or the government, anyone but the child crying at drop-off.

Two children here, neither went to nursery. Both slotted into school and the routine very well.

Nursery is for childcare. If you don’t need it, don’t use it. I didn’t. One to one (with lots of play dates etc) is better.

My children go for two mornings a week, because they have a local grandparent willing and able to provide full time childcare for other hours, plus DH and I both work flexible hours so it’s never ‘full days’.
We’ve definitely been judged for it as if we’re depriving my children of a social life. I also feel like I’m considered snobby for not putting them in full time childcare.
We’re just doing what works for our family.