Willies on the beach

[YoureNotTheOnlyCuddlyToy]

Today it was a group of mum friends and kids on the beach. My DS age 5 took off his shorts and underwear to put on his swim shorts and was (as usual) in no particular rush, and a mum friend said “ooh Billy put on your shorts quickly”. I didn’t think much of it.

Later, at home time, her own son who is 10 was changing and got distracted so was talking to the other kids whilst naked. She said rather sternly something along the lines of “Tommy no, you’re a big boy, you can’t be doing that, you need to get your pants on”.
I hadn’t thought anything of it but she clearly had an issue.

My DS 5 is my eldest, so this is a new territory for me, and I was wondering at what age it becomes ‘wrong’ (inappropriate?) for being nudey on the beach? I thought it was fine and innocent today and she was being a bit weird, but thinking about it I suppose there must be cut off point or we’d have all the blokes peacocking around with their peacocks out.

I’ll do a poll but I’m more curious than opinionated about the matter.

YABU - a ten year old should not have his bits out and should change quickly
YANBU - it’s all fine, he’s a kid and didn’t have it out all day

Totally agree!

If I’ve understood this correctly the 10 year old wasn’t running around in public with his bits hanging out, he was getting changed in the comfort of his own home whilst distracted chatting, I’d hardly say this was inappropriate! It’s good he feels relaxed in his own home, I’m sure at the age if 10 he will very soon naturally become more shy/self conscious and this type of thing wont be an issue

You're absolutely not weird!
My kids are happy to be naked at home which is how it should be should they choose! I also stroll around naked to and from the shower etc and don't rush to cover up if they come in the bathroom or bedroom.
Bodies are natural and not to be embarrassed about, I know my children wouldn't think twice about coming to me with a spot on their bum or whatever other personal concerns they may have growing up and not being to embarrassed to ask or show me something which is really important.
They absolutely should be able to be naked whilst changing on a beach and I would bat an eyelid but the reality is things are changing and it is to keep them safe, you are amongst complete strangers so best to very kindly encouraged to be discreet and private, just hold a towel up. Another concern of mine would be that people have phones and are taking pictures and videos all the time, I'm not saying someone would deliberately take a picture of your naked child but he could very easily be in the background of something that could end up shared as a funny clip!

☝

I found that my sons got shy about their bodies at around age 8-10.

My ds is 5 and I wouldn’t want him naked on the beach in case of pervs

Eh, to be honest I couldn’t give a monkeys if I saw a fully grown blokes bits on the beach if he was getting changed and wouldn’t be bothered if my kids did either - let alone a 10 year old boy or younger.

Sexual stuff in public or intimidation (such as intentional flashers) = absolutely not. But not bothering to do the British “towel dance”, the towel slipping or simply just getting changed without being paranoid about completely covering themselves? Good for them.

In most public beaches elsewhere in Europe it isn’t an issue, I have no idea why we seem so prudish in this country. We all know it would be quicker and easier to get properly dry if we weren’t trying to do it while covered up.

I find the “English” approach to this fascinating too OP, and I’m British.

Why would anyone worry about nudity when it’s for the purposes of getting changed? I never wanted my kids to feel uncomfortable about their bodies, so we’re relaxed about nudity. Now they’re teens they know that flashing is a crime, so they’re more careful to keep things hidden while changing, but only out of politeness - I don’t think they’d care for their own sake if someone got a glimpse. All this uptightness is insane. It’s not the 1800s FGS.

There was another thread that was posted by a man that has been taken down by the administrators - I hadn’t had the opportunity to report it.

I was going to post the following:

“I really feel this thread is inappropriate.

I know that, on the face or it, it seems harmless. But the OP is giving off predator vibes.

I feel he just posted this to get everyone else to talk about their children in this way.

Something seems off.”

And now I’ve come across this thread.

It sometimes happens on Reddit that predators post these sorts of threads to get people talking about children in ways that aren’t appropriate. It appears innocent - but the objective is to get others talking about their children. When this happens it often happens in multiple sub reddits.

The language of the title of this post “Willies on the beach” - is not the sort of language that mums on here typically post. It just isn’t. I spend a lot of time on here and that post and this post seem weird.

I don't let my DD9 get changed in public and haven't since she was about 4. I wouldn't mind so much around friends and family but you don't know what perverts are in public places!

Shall we get rid of this thread now? Op has her answer and tbe title is kind of creepy. Lets get rid.

I agree that the whole thing feels really off. Reported.

One of our DS started developing pubic hair at 8 (no concerns from GP). Because of this I would think 6/7 this is the age to be more aware of being naked in public.

Now they’re older teens they’ll often nip across the landing to the shower with a towel very loosely covering themselves! What happens in private is very different to what is appropriate in public places.

This made me laugh!

both would be fine, i couldn't care less about it.

When kids get to 10 they start to grow up quite quickly, so they should start getting used to changing privately before this age. It'll be different for every kid, so you should use your discretion.

I personally hate when kids lose their carefree innocence (but equally, it's just a natural part of growing up). I wouldn't shout or tell off my son for slipping-up though, I wouldn't want him to feel bad or ashamed of himself, or to think that his body is 'wrong' or not acceptable. There's a huge difference between an incidental slip, and intentional flashing.

This thread has been getting a lot of reports, so we wanted to say that although we can never vouch for anyone, the OP's been with us for a long time and never given us cause for concern before.

If it slips out because let's face it, holding a towel round you, de sanding the sandy bits, not sanding the non-sandy bits and actually changing are hard for an adult much less a kid, it's fine at both 5 and 10. Just standing there with their willy out was never ok.

Yeah, I'm getting creepy vibes here, too. 😓

Edit: But apparently it's fine, so I'd say it would be odd for a typical 10 year-old to walk around home without clothing, especially if there are visitors, even if they are only extended family (any age, any sex).

I kinda agree in teaching from the beginning that you don’t stay naked in front of others and you change fast. Fast for a 5years old being very different than a 10years old.

Ridiculous answer of course it’s not fine for a ten year old to be naked among much younger children, also, you have no control over who else is around on the beach. Beaches and swimming pools are notorious for having paedophiles hanging around. Why would you want to put your child at risk?

Your post makes sense.

This^ is my view as well.
And I would expect parents to help them to do it quickly and more discreetly.

Thanks mumsnet!
And thanks to those who answered. It’s something I will consider as I continue to try raising my kids as best I can.
It’s clearly a point that people have contrasting views on and this is a good forum to get a sense of how people consider different issues. I do feel sorry for you @Newsenmum going to such dark places in your mind with it. But like you said, I’ve had lots of answers so I don’t mind if the thread gets deleted. Or you could just turn it off! ☮️