Would you take this job with a 3 year old?! I’m torn!

[Amivei]

I have been a stay at home mum since dd. We are ok financially as a family but I have been offered a job of 70k, remote apart from 2 days a month in the office.

I can basically work when I want, assuming I meet client need.

Having not worked since DD was born I am a bit worried about how I will adapt. I feel like at the moment when I drop her at nursery at 9am, by the time I collect her at 4, I have only just had chance to clean and tidy and prep dinner!!

We could do with the extra money just to pay off the mortgage earlier and this would make a massive massive difference. I am so conflicted and worry I might regret it if I start!

This was meant to say will NOT have the capacity…but you catch my drift

For comparison iv started a new job all office based (30 min commute each way) I do 10 hour days alternating 3 days a week then 4 and have a nearly 3 year old! We make it work because we need the extra money although I am pregnant again so will be on maternity leave in 5 months time but with a plan to return to work on reduced hours! Your job sounds ideal you can get alot of little things done while wfh and your little girl will be having a great time at nursery :)

To be fair, I phantasize about exercising and making healthy meals, not cleaning 😅 I will never be able to be a SAHM or even take a sick day so it will stay as a phantasy.

Defo take the job, no brainer, you’ll feel the benefits in so many ways not just financial. But you need to get out of the SAHM mindset. Meals, housework, school runs, will need to be shared. Do not get into the habit of doing everything you currently do, plus work op. Your DH needs to make some changes too. Have those discussions asap!

@Amivei

Get yourself a cleaner, do some batch cooking at weekends and take the job!!! The worst that could happen is you give it up in 6 months?!

Op this is a no brainer as others have said! Take the job and be independent! It sounds like as a sahm you are doing all house and childcare. Obviously when you go back to work your DH will have to share some of this! If he can’t then use some of the £70k for a cleaner and wrap around care. If you keep staying at home it’ll only get harder in the future to return to work. It’s not just money now but your pension and long term independence here
It’s very easy to prep dinners sometimes around wfh. Sounds like you’ll also be able to do pick ups quite easy. But things like washing and cleaning house etc should be shared with DH - wouldn’t he naturally help share burden of this?

Do it and with some of the extra money treat yourself to a weekly cleaner also make sure your hubby pulls his weight so you are not doing everything

You can always leave if it gets too much

How do you think people who work do it? You’ll be at home apart from 2 days a month and she’s in nursery! Your slow cooker will become your best friend.

Your OH will step up here surely.

Most households have 2 working parents.

Or a single parent household who works.

Or a no-kids household where the adults work.

Everyone who works still has to ensure they make proper meals and can run their house.

Take the job.

If you don’t like it, or find it difficult then quit. It’s not the end of the world.

I would take it but expect that my other half steps up the mental and physical load, and also buy in lots of convenience it’s a huge amount of money for not too much extra work

I am assuming that you have been searching for a job? Therefore, you've polished your CV, filled in an application, been through the interview process, beaten several candidates who have possibly not been out of touch with the industry, and that as the successful candidate it has only now occurred to you how this will actually work in practice?

If this is real, then congratulations. Sit down with your DH and plan your life - nursery runs, life admin, food shopping. Be prepared to "pay to make the problem go away"

I earn similar, I work in similar circumstances, mainly WFH but it takes discipline, Make sure you've got emergency childcare arrangements in place and that you and DH agree who does what, where, when and how.

Also would the job consider you only doing 4 days?

I NEED to know what sector/job this is. Please tell us!! 70K remote with 2 days a month in office, flexible working - THIS IS MY DREAM !!

You need to make it clear to your partner that everything you currently do in your new working hours now needs to be split fairly. The default isn’t that you continue to do everything. Same with nursery runs, bedtime routines, night wakings, etc. you need to get equal down time now you don’t have any during the day.

make sure nursery and other activities have your partner as the primary contact and not you by default. Make sure partner has details of child’s doctor, dentist, etc.

sit down up front and come up with a plan so everyone knows the expectations and are on board with the plan so no one can harbor any resentment.

Generally expertise/experience I would guess. I do loads less actual work now than 10 years ago and get paid loads more as I’m really good at problem solving

It sounds to me like what's going on is that you've lost your mojo by not doing enough. You know the phrase- "If you want a job doing, ask a busy person."

You have one child in nursery from 9-4, you are either making a huge meal out of cleaning the house or you're spending a lot of time drifting around doing nothing.

You're clearly highly skilled if you're able to earn £70k from home. Don't waste your potential on cleaning the house for 7 hours a day.

Go for it you’ll learn to adapt. Get a slow cooker, prep meals the night before and put it on before nursery drop off and there you go a meal ready in time for dinner. If you don’t really NEED the money then consider a cleaner a few days a week to help you if you don’t think you can manage it although it’s not really difficult to keep on top of it all without once you get a system in place.

You get a cleaner, and you and your DP split the cooking responsibilities - 2 nights a week each and takeaway on Fridays, and you share/take turns at weekends. It's not just about the salary and the flexibility, OP. Presumably you won't want to be a SAHM for ever, and an offer this good might not come up again. As the mother of a daughter, it's especially important to model for her that women's careers matter as much as men's, that mums are not just people who clean and cook and meet everybody else's needs. You also model financial independence, and if anything should ever go wrong in your marriage you're not left high and dry by having no money of your own and no work history. Your DD already goes to nursery, and I can't imagine how you can spend several hours day cleaning currently. A few germs are good for kids, nobody will die from eating pizza occasionally, and your daughter will reap the benefit of having a fulfilled mother with money of her own.Don't pass up what sounds like an ideal job that is easily compatible with your family life, with a few tweaks.

There's typo in my post but the site won't let me edit for some reason. Meant to say 'don't pass up'.

For some reason the edit has to be reloaded lately.

My job is the same, digital marketing and tech consulting in consumer sector. I haven't worked in an office since covid and earn more than 70k.

Of course you should take the job.

Your DD will benefit from the extra money you bring in and from the positive role model you provide.

And she won’t be 3 forever. The older she gets the easier it will be.

It sounds like a great set up and a great salary. It will be a huge shift for you and your DD. Don't expect that you will be able to maintain the same level of housekeeping, cooking, cleaning etc that you did before returning to work. If you can afford it, get a cleaner, have a regular takeout night. Otherwise just resign yourself to things being less than perfect or you'll go mad with exhaustion and stress. Revisit what your partner currently does so you are not working and doing majority of the childcare and housework. It will be a shift for the whole family. I went back to work when DD was 4 and DS 6. I was fulltime in the office. It was a very hard transition and it was a little bit sooner than I would have wanted. It was also a change of career for me. Give yourself some slack. You can't always be acing it in your job and as a mum and that is okay. Oh and get some great childcare in place so you have peace of mind. We were lucky enough to find an amazing childminder who stayed with us until the children were in secondary.