Pissed off over photos

[ChubbyBoobs456]

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

To all those people saying their partners don’t take photos of them; send them this song. m.youtube.com/watch?v=rAlzpKGiytU&pp=ygURMzUgcGljdHVyZXMgb2YgbWU%3D

Yep, that's exactly what everyone told you here, verbatim!

Its difficult though, what with everyone having to have sent there photos off to be developed, then wait a few days, only to get them back and find there were no good ones of you.

Hopefully in the distant future, everyone will have some kind of instant camera in their pocket (could potentially be paired with another useful device like a telephone or web browser) that allows them to review a picture the second it's taken. That way someone who was particularly fussy about having a good shot of themselves could ask for another one to be taken if they weren't happy!

Not to say petulant.

“Anyway, I've been told, I'm unreasonable and photos from my child's first birthday mean nothing.”

Oh do stop being so overdramatic OP! I get that a 1st birthday is a milestone in a child’s upbringing but you picking fault with other people for not taking a decent photo of you and your child is just………..childish!

No one is saying that the 1st birthday means nothing………there’ll be countless opportunities for posed photos in future and to be honest many of the nonchalant shots are more charming and meaningful than mummy sitting on the sofa with baby on her knee looking into the camera like a couple of soulless mannequins.

Photos are.important! One day they will be all you have or they have to look back on
Im not saying this to be morbid but i lost my mom suddenly she was only 41
Today is the anniversary and im glad someone took photos of me with her growing up.theres not many but the baby ones especially mean the world to me now

I totally get you OP, a first bday party is a special occasion. You bust a gut getting nice pics of ur DD for others but no one did the same for you. I think if you have friends and family who don’t think in the same way as you you need to be really explicit in your requests at the next party. Say please take a few and have someone make boo faces behind the camera so your DD looks the right way and smiles. Then vet the photos and do it again if not good enough. It’s important, so take charge and be a bit of a diva about it if needed, if that’s what u want u might need to push a bit harder for it. It does suck I know - I have soooo many pics of others and my hubby with my kid, if I hadn’t perfected the art of the “selfie with others in the background” I wud literally not exist in the photo history! Good luck at the next bash.

These days you can take your own photos. The key is to actually taken a
video and screen shot a photo from it.

It’s not a cruel spin it’s perspective!!!
Great attempt to try and make me feel shit though!

So people actually think deleting or not sending other people nice photos put of spite is perfectly reasonable. Right!

But if she doesn't have any pictures for Instagram the event may as well not have happened!

Welcome to motherhood. I have thousands of photos of my child including sweet ones I’ve taken with loved ones but any decent ones of me and her are selfies.

It is not ALWAYS the mums running round, some of us have equally responsible partners, able to share workload.

My DH is a vastly better photographer than me, always has been.

The person who generally takes the photos are rarely in any good ones- most of mine have a side shot of me or someone took my picture from a distance or something. Unfortunately it’s something you have to get used to, I treasure pictures I find of my dad as he was the photographer and barely in any (and selfies weren’t a thing obviously!).

Yep, and you've got plenty more years of this to come.

Photo martyrs are such hard work. Look at all the BACK-BREAKING work I did at the party getting photos of you all, all because I CARE so much, and the fact that no one took photos of me means no one CARES as much as I do. Give over.

Photos aren't a necessity. It's 50/50 whether any given person even likes having photos taken of them - I definitely don't assume everyone wants their picture taken. The same people usually end up taking the photos at most social events and that's because they enjoy it - I have one friend who's responsible for probably 75% of the photos of our group over the past 15 years and she doesn't behave like a martyr, because she does it on account of enjoying it. If you want a photo taken of you just ask, it takes a few seconds (although if you're squirming around trying to get the perfect pose for a full minute, maybe that's why no one was offering).

Well, I’m with you OP.
I have plenty of lovely photos of the family - husband, children, grandchildren and friends because I have realised the ‘moment’ and captured it. However, there are rarely any pics of me on those occasions because no one else seems bothered to take them.
Sometimes I ask my husband to take a photo, but by the time he’s faffed with his phone, the moment is lost.
I’m not vain, nor do I need to be the centre of attention. I just want a reminder of an event or a special time spent with the people I care about.

Bit OTT isn't it ?

You will have scrutinised the photos with you in them. The guests that took them will probably only have looked at the child.

We’ve all had photos taken where we look bad. I do think you’re being a tad dramatic - no-one was thinking about making sure you looked great in photos of your daughter’s birthday.

OP sounds rather young...

Instagram generation. It’s all about the photos. 🙄

I have recently found all the photos from both my DD's first Birthdays. There are NONE of me on any of them because I was too busy capturing the day and taking photos of my DD's with their family, their grandparents etc and enjoying myself. There is not one 'posing shot'. The photos are lovely, and some lovely photos of my DD's but even more precious are the photos of them with my parents, who are both now dead. They mean the world to me now more than any 'posing shots'. They are real and you can see the happiness and joy in their faces as they help my little ones open presents and blow out candles etc.....

I get you are pissed off that no-one could be bothered to spend a few minutes taking a nice photo of you both. It is shit when you feel you took time to make sure everyone else got a nice photo, but in the whole scheme of things I think you need to just stop trying to find perfect insta worthy photos and enjoy the ones you have capturing the day and the occasion.

I think deleting all the nice ones of other people with your DD is really spiteful and childish and you may live to regret that one day when those people are gone.

So the photo thing isn’t really the issue?

Your highly emotional response to this photo thing does suggest that actually the lack of a good photo is the least of your problems.

I remember when mine was that age. I felt like I, as a person, didn’t exist anymore. I was just Mummy, or wife, or ‘mother of my grandchild’ - Swiftie didn’t exist as a person in her own right.

It’s a horrible time for yourself esteem, but it does pass. You will get yourself back - in my case when my DC was about 4 years old.

Hang tight, roll with it, you are being a great mum and will be proud of yourself in hindsight.

Ahh op I’m sorry - you sound hurt and let down, and also seems like there’s a bit more to this than it just being about the photos. AIBU sometimes isn’t the best place for validation. Hope you have a better day today.

Is a one year old's birthday a big occasion? Ask your daughter what she thought of it, including her mother being upset at not looking her best in the photos. The chances are you'll look back at the photos in years to come, think how natural they are and have a laugh about it.

Surely the most important photo is of the kid? Thats what youll look back on in years to come, not the mum?