Pissed off over photos

[ChubbyBoobs456]

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

Oh for goodness sake.Listen to yourself. Grow up and stop with the woe is me

I get how you feel - just wanting a bit of respect from other people and thoughtfulness. Like others have said arrange a photo shoot for you and your child

I haven’t seen anyone saying photos from your child’s first birthday mean nothing. Your comments here sound as though you always twist things and take offence where none is intended.

I dont think you’re being unreasonable to want a good pic of you and your daughter on her first birthday!?
Ive sort of had this experience, too, at family events where im running around hosting and am not in any/many pics myself and it does make me feel a bit sad.
I always try and take lovely pics of mums and their kids because I’ve really noticed how much it means to people. A couple of weeks after I had my first a friend took some nice ones of us together and looking back, she was pretty much the only person who did! I have other pics but they were just quick snapshots and she took real care over it. Really loved her for that.

But because nobody had bothered, when I had. It hurt.

But not everyone is bothered about masses of photos of people? Lots of people are there in the moment, chatting and focussing on the people around them, and don't mind if there isn't a photo afterwards. Other people don't have to have the same priorities as you and its not that they aren't thinking of you, or aren't bothered, it simply doesn't occur to them to take a photo in the middle of a party.

Lots of us don't have instagram or tiktok or facebook, we don't take loads of photos

No, I 100% get it.

1. It IS a milestone for mum as much as for the baby. The mother birthed the child a year ago, a one year old is not going to remember the party (except by the photos taken...)

2. It is ALWAYS the mums running around getting great shots of other people and no one can be bothered to spend 1 minute to get a nice, non blurry photo of the mum. This lends itself to a dynamic where mums are treated basically as unpaid help and ALSO are pretty much erased from family albums. I bet OP is the one who organised the party, planned it, arranged it etc.

3. Either getting nice photos on big occasions is meaningful or it's not. It cant be meaningful for everyone except OP. It would be like not having any nice, propper photos of the mother of a bride.

I completely get where you are coming from. You made the effort to take nice photos and it feels like noone cared enough to do the same for you.
I think it's true the camera doesnt lie. My ex manages to take the most god awful photos of me when we have joint events. My best friend takes photos how I am - I figure she loves me and doesn't see the need to go for the best version and I think I do the same to her tbh.

Yanbu.
I absolutely would be pissed off.
No one could be arsed?
Even the babies father?
You need to start looking after yourself.

Motherhood is too often about doing everything and looking after everyone but yourself.

Mind your baby, but start matching everyone's energy.
See if you can get a nice shot today of the two of you.

If it was me Id have handed my own phone to someone like my mum or my sister who i could trust and said "get a really nice one of me & the baby" and looked at it after and said "ah no that's rubbish lets do it again!" If i was really bothered

No one minds that as long as its not that you are trying to achieve perfection requiring 10 takes

I understand OP. I suspect the people having a go at you here have plenty of nice photos of birthdays and day to day and don’t understand that it can feel sad to be the only one without a nice photo with you.

I’m the photo taker in the family but looking back at albums DH and DC are everywhere - action shots, quiet moments, portraits, whereas I barely feature in them - like I have some very peripheral part of DC’s life. The way kids take photos you need to take 20 to get one really great one, and there’s only a handful that I love of me and my DCs, and they’re all selfies.

Because I was busy sorting everything out and making sure everyone was happy, fed, watered, y’know like most mom’s are doing at their kids parties while her father sat on his arse? Because I wasn’t really thinking about what was going on in all the busyness? Because it wouldn’t cross my mind not to take the important people’s pictures so that it didn’t cross my mind nobody would? Because I’m not really a person to push myself forward for a photo?

That enough reasons for you? 🙄

It was only after everyone had left and I had a moment to myself that I realised.

Taking a really good photograph is not easy. You need to set it up. appearance, hair background. Most cameras cope with lighting far better than older technology. But mostly sitter and photographer have to be a bit patient.
At least get a friend to come and take time with you and baby. Or get a pro.

edit; that was my first mansplain today😎

This

Please don’t overshadow your child’s life with your own insecurities and drama. My mother did, and it was not pleasant.

Oh give over.

Quite. I understand why you are disappointed, but the fact is (and I say this as a very good amateur photographer, is I do say so myself) that most people are lousy at taking photos. Instead of just accepting that you deleted the nice ones you took? That solved the problem didn't it? How sad that you allowed your disappointment to turn into nasty bitterness. I hope that isn't how you will treat your daughter when she disappoints you.

YANBU

I know how you feel. You're not spoilt, you just wanted someone to take the time to get one decent photo of you and your DD on her actual birthday.

Lots of people, when asked to take a picture, just do a quick snap and never mind if it's nice or not. Then they say it looks nice because they can't be bothered to take it again, literally just can't do another few seconds where they say "wait a minute... your DD was looking away... I'll do another one..."

I would recommend you either having a professional photo taken, or if not, rope in your best chance at a good photo for this week (ie your most sympathetic friend/family member), do your hair etc, and have DD's first birthday cards and/or her main present from you (or at least her current favourite soft toy) in the background, to tie it to "the occasion of her first birthday". If you phrase it as that in your mind, it will lessen the sting of not getting a good shot on her actual birthday.

Dress her in her birthday outfit and wear what you were wearing at the party, too. These details will tie it to her first birthday as well. because it's not just the good photo, it's looking back on what the fashion was at the time, the style of the birthday cards etc- all these date a photo and are meaningful details.

I don’t think it’s that. I’ve seen several comments over the years that say the child won’t remember their 1st birthday which is massively true!
1 years olds are non compliant (with a photo) because they are curious and want to explore what’s going on.

sorry but your post sounds massively entitled, and I’m not surprised your behaviour has been described as unreasonable!
There are families in this country whose babies sadly don’t make their first birthday!

You sound hard work

Agree. Nice quirky shots are the best.
Also you’ll look at them loads for a few years and then when you realise you need them for their 18th birthday, you have no idea where most of them are.

But I hear you. DH cannot take a good photo of me and its annoying when I make sure he looks good in them.

She's allowed to feel sad and pissed off about this without thinking about dead babies. That's a really cruel spin to put on the situation.

I think it’s not unreasonable to want a nice photo of you with your DD on her 1st bday. Photos are all we have left one day and it will be nice for OP’s child to look back on in the future. I don’t have one photo of my dad and I as adults, because we were always the people who took the photos. My mum claims she can’t take photos (and to be fair her photos are a bit rubbish) but it is upsetting when that parent has gone and you realise you only have a handful of photos and they were during childhood. It’s nice to just ask mums ‘do you want me to take one of you and baby’.

Deleting photos is petty, keep them for your child, even if you don’t send them out.

This.

I'm not a photo person but I understand what OP is saying. She has put in a big effort for everyone else but no-one has reciprocated.

Photos are a big deal to OP and it hurts her that no-one has recognised that to make sure there is a decent photo of her and her child.

I have literally no pictures of me and DD from when she was born, or in fact many at all even now, because no fucker ever thinks to take pictures of us.

DP doesn’t think, takes few pictures anyway.

In this respect I’m always the fucking afterthought.

I think people are being swayed by the fact you deleted the other photos.

Apart from that bit I get what you’re saying OP and can see why you’re disappointed.