Pissed off over photos

[ChubbyBoobs456]

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

She didn't delete them all, she deleted the posed good ones and kept photos of the same standard as the ones taken of her.

Also plenty of posters have said on this thread, if OP had asked more persistently for proper photos it would have been 'embarrassing', 'boring', vain as it's all for Instagram (no evidence).

Sorry but I disagree. No child is going to ask why there aren’t any pics of such and such relative on their 1st birthday. OP did try and get the pictures she wanted, but people were not patient enough to help her.

imagine 20 years from now when the kid asks for pics of their first birthday

But it just shows that the feelings of the adult baby are more important than the mum of said baby who has gone to effort for her baby’s first birthday and yet people wouldn’t spend 30 seconds to get a decent picture of her where baby isn’t crying or looking away.

Did she try though? Did she say ‘oh that’s terrible take another’ until she was happy with it? Or are other people just meant to read her mind until they’ve taken one up to standard?

Like I said multiple times, selfie stick tripod. It has a Bluetooth remote that you can snap away til you’re content. And you don’t need to rely on others to take nice photos for you, and can squeeze everyone in for a great group shot.

Kids DO ask for photos of their first birthdays, ime. And the kids feelings aren’t more important than their mother’s feelings, but tbh if this is how the mother behaves, I can’t promise the kid is going to have positive feelings about their family and their childhood. It sounds very very hard work. I am not sure how much more there is to say. It all seems very spiteful and petty and a seething pit of resentment. Glad it’s not my life!

She lives in first world, why won’t she have first world problems?

Op, I know it’s frustrating. You are a thoughtful person and spent that extra few seconds to take their photos with dd nicely, your family hasn’t shown that patience and thought to you.

Not sure what you can do now.
Next time just focus on your dd and not bother taking these people’s photos with such attention.

Totally get you op, it's not just tge photo it's the fact no one ca be arsed to do something so easy that clearly means alot to you

It's about the lack of effort care appreciation

And the saddest thing, one some could spend say 5 mins and make your day so easily

Who has time to inspect very photo they have asked their loved ones to take of them at a children’s birthday party?

So you agree it’s important for nice photos to document the occasion but you’re consistently commenting that she’s unreasonable because she didn’t have the hindsight to know she needed to check the photos and demand retakes, instead of the person just snapping a few and doing their best to get a good one. If someone asks me to take a photo, I’m going to try and get the baby to look at me and retake it if the adult has eyes shut/is talking. It was a birthday party which can be hectic and busy, she’s got guests to feed and entertain.

Fair enough, in future maybe she will, but I don’t get why you’re so insistent that this is her fault rather than just acknowledging, that’s shit, what a shame no one has made an effort to take a nice photo

It’s a small thing but perhaps you feel a bit unseen and unappreciated in general, which is why it’s touched a nerve?

I get it - it’s really common for mums to be forgotten about. We went on holiday and I was joking that my role on the beach was human parasol for DD. My shadow was in the photos, and I was just out of shot!

My DP usually takes lots of great candid photos of me and DD, and it means a lot, so I get why you feel how you feel.

I guess I make the time if something is important to me and I don’t see why someone else wouldn’t. Like I said, it’s a much happier way to live. The people around you aren’t mind readers. It’s unlikely they will be so captivated by the OPs beauty in interacting with her baby that they just can’t help themselves from snapping away - they’re probably just too busy socialising and enjoying themselves to think too much of it. I am not sure why it’s such a big deal to speak up to your own family and friends. No one has really answered that - they just seem to think the family and friends should know and do it anyway.

You don't know that while new mums are having pictures of them and their babies they'd prefer ones where the adult has their eyes open and their baby isn't crying in their arms?

So it might be time you update your standards about "modern technology" because it's been round for a while.

Of course photography has been around for a long time. I also have photos dating from the early 20th century, and even the late 19th century, in our old family album: studio portraits in best dress, holiday photos, weddings, and christenings.
The point is that having your photo taken was a special occasion in itself. They were rarely taken. And they were private things generally kept in the family.

That is a world away from the obsessive taking of photos now: multiple photos every day to show off new clothes, new makeup , everyday occasions like a drink in the pub etc etc. And a world away from the need to show these photos off to the world. And the neediness of having people "like" them to validate a person's existence.
The value of photography used to be to record real life events. Now photos have replaced real life for a lot of people..

A new mum at a first birthday party? Stretching the definition of ‘new’ there.

They probably don’t know that they’re solely responsible for being the event photographer, no. A quick ‘oh hey, I haven’t had a decent pic of me with her and she’s not crying right now! Quick! Snap away’ to a friend or family member and then checking it after takes about 30 seconds. If it’s important to you, make the time. As I keep saying. I think the OP would be a lot happier if they spoke up.

You sound unhinged

They almost certainly are not

@ChubbyBoobs456 I totally get it.
I'd like my kids to be able to look back at a few photos of me with them, where I feel I look nice (i.e. not mid-eating / mid-talking / bad angle).

99.9% of the time I don't look my best - hair tied up in a bun, no make-up, no contact lenses, wearing an old t-shirt, stressed face. I very rarely have the time to "do myself up".

About once a year I try to get a nice snapshot of me with the kids, where I feel I look good and they're also looking at the camera. I generally do it on their birthday/Christmas. It does take a few tries to get a good one, when you're dealing with kids. I love looking back at those photos!

"And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people)" Spiteful.

No one will give a shit about not being sent photos of a one year old’s birthday party. You won’t be pissing them off in the slightest.

A mum myself I totally get you, whilst everyone else in the family get a really lovely shot us mums are left out or have an ugly one shot photo were you look like you've been dragged through a hedge with 40 chins.

I had this out with my family and partner one year and it still hasn't improved, I'm always behind the camera. It's the effort and thought and nobody seems to have it, so don't worry I understand your frustration, us woman are allowed to get upset over something that means so much to us.

I get it. I don’t even think I have any of me holding my daughter as a baby unless I took it as a selfie.

I have stopped taking photos of her with my husband. If he wants one he can take a selfie like I do.

I think once you’ve had time to calm down you will hopefully not feel as angry.

I have started setting my phone up to record us so I can go back and take screenshots of memories.

OK it's 7 am here and I've just opened this. It's fine people. I looked at my phone after my baby was in bed and I was pissed off there wasn't a single remotely decent one where I was even looking at the camera/not chewing food/talking because no one gave enough of a shit (even though I did ask for a photo). My expectations were pretty low actually.

I'm not going to stew over this, it was a momentary "pissed off" and there is no drama. I've moved on already.

Are you still withholding photos from other people because you’re annoyed?

My children are now in their 20s. We didn't even have phones with cameras when they were babies. I still have lots of pictures of them, and a handful that have me in them. I don't even know if I have any pictures of them on their 1st birthdays. It wasn't that big of a deal because they were too young to know it was a special day.

You'll realize as you get older that this isn't worth worrying about.

i agree to a point, but surely your child first birthday literally is a real life event!

Yes of course it is.
I'm glad we can agree on some points.

YANBU to have wanted someone to go to the effort of taking some lovely photos of you and DD, but YABU to have deleted all the lovely ones you took of other people. This sounds like a really spoilt and childish reaction on your part, as ultimately it’ll be your daughter looking through and enjoying these photos in years to come.