Pissed off over photos

[ChubbyBoobs456]

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

Dear God, i agreee, the reading comprehension is low on this thread!

I get it op & it's not 'nothing'. Yes, there will be (hopefully) other joyful occasions to get photos. But your dd will never be 1 again.

My dh messed up ALL of our newborn baby photos 20 years ago (we were given a brand new digital camera & he made a unilateral decision to try to use it as a manual camera & messed with the settings. No he didnt not know what he was doing. No i dont have any idea why he thought this was a good plan. No ge can't explain it either. Yes i'm still upset by it 20 years later. No I won't 'get over it')

Anyway this was back in the day when you got photos developed so you had no idea how good (or bad) they were till you'd get them back.

I couldn't figure out why all the 'lovely' photos of me & dd were all red / orange / blurry etc but there were LOADS of gorgeous ones with dh (obvs taken by me using the camera as intended)

I admit I cried when I realised what he'd done. Because there's no going back in time.

Anyway op i totally understand. Do you have a partner? Can you get him to take some nice shots of you & dd? Or is he the one who says photos are pointless? While he presumably has loads of gorgeous ones? Taken by you !

You should not have to book a professional photo shoot & ignore posters saying that - implying you're being precious about this. You're not!

I get your disspointment OP, but I also think that having a professionally done shoot is always a good idea. You'll get high quality pictures and there will be tons of them. As a hobbyist photographer and someone who loves being photographed, I'm telling you there is NO coming back from a professionally done photo shoot 😂
The thing is, most people aren't exactly good at taking pictures. If you still have some taken that day and there are decent ones that are just blurry, here is a good article on how you can sharpen them a bit https://photo-works.net/how-to-sharpen-blurry-photo.php

Even if there aren't any and you decide against booking a professional photographer, just know that you have every right to be dissapointed, even if it's a minor thing to some.

I must say it's yet another reason why I'm so glad - like a lot of people of my generation- that I'm heading towards the exiting end of my journey through life.

To think that people judge their self worth on other people wanting to take photos of them would be funny if it weren't so depressingly sad.

You sound incredibly stressed and as though you would benefit from talking to someone honestly about what's really going on. Do you have any really good friends?

I'd be a bit careful OP. If you carry on with this sort of attitude you will be on here next year upset because no-one came to your DDs second birthday.

They might well have been taken what was considered classically to be a nice photo of the op but they didn’t match up to modern Instagram pose standards. It’s probably a generational thing. For what it’s worth, when op and her DD are a bit older it will be the natural photos that feel more meaningful.

I agree with you OP I always use to take nice photos of people with my kids but no one tried or asked to take one of me i had to ask them and even then they never made much effort. Its your baby you gave birth to so if course you should be in photos with them on their birthday.

Im with you OP. I've had the same over the years. Always taking photos for other people so they have plenty to choose from and no-one returning the favour. Until my DD got older. She makes sure there's a nice photo of me.
Do you have someone you can confide in that can help you get nice photos.
And to the posters saying get a photo shoot - that's not the same at all.

Exactly why it's important for people to try to take a nice photo of them together!

I’m with you op! This is the same with my family. I take all the photos and I do ask if I can get some with me in them too but wish I would get a few candid natural ones like I take of others when they are playing or walking ahead holding hands etc. We went on holiday recently and you wouldn’t even know I was there! Not a single photo of me with my children on holiday 😭😭

OP has said nothing about social media - and nor would I.
I want photos for me - for me to look back on now and when I'm old and to treasure the memories that are reinforced by lovely photos.

I understand why you are disappointed but I think you had unrealistic expectationd of other people. No-one was going to care as much as you about this, they were invited to a party and wanted to enjoy it, not take on the role of official photographer for the day. You perhaps should have asked a good friend or relative to step in and take care of that for you, as a favour and as gift to your DD, in advance. Expecting people to spend time staging beautiful shots on the day instead of just grabbing snaps here and there, was never going to work.

''I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.''

Oh my goodness OP that's so petty!
So because you didn't like any of the photos of yourself you deleted the good ones of guests but kept the poor ones.
That says more about you than about them.

Why would she need to explain she had deleted photos? How would her daughter ever know they had existed?
Although I probably wouldn't delete them but just keep them private to myself not send them to the people who couldn't be bothered to rake a nice one of her after she had invited them to her child's birthday and took photos of them but they couldn't return the favour

My daughter and I share a birthday. That was a quite a present! However, the photos of me and my daughter on her first birthday are terrible! I'm laughing or blinking, and she's not even in focus! I didn't care. You know why? Because photos for social media aren't important and perfect photos for your phone camera roll or album aren't always necessary. Enjoy the moment. It still happened.

Sorry I think you’re being unreasonable and a bit petty. Some of the people you’ve deleted photos of might not be here in 10 years plus it’s hardly their fault.

I think you’d be reasonable to have a word with your DH/ DP and ask him to take a photo, maybe even before the event starts, but I wouldn’t have expected guests to faff about with me and my DC posing the perfect photo.

My mum kept extensive physical albums, which took lots of time and energy to put together. We all love and cherish the albums, however it's really sad to see how few photos we have of our mum with us as kids. I keep and maintain physical albums too and realised that I'd have to ensure I was in the pics (nice pics, not eyes half closed or mouthfuls of food).

Not everything is for the 'gram (I don't even have SM!)

The more of mumsnet I read the the more depressing i find people.

The op was not asking for:

1. A professional photo shoot
2. Photos only for instsgram / sm
3. Elaborate, posed photos

She clearly stated that she wanted:

1. A couple of photos of her & dd where her child was not moving or wriggling

She clearly managed to get some photos of family with dd where everyone was looking good

She did this (whilst hosting a party) presumably without needing to arrange a professional photo shoot. Nor does she seem to have needed to set up elaborate or 'stiff poses'

Yet, its pronounced by many that its too much for her to expect that she might have similar - a nice photo of her & her baby together during the party.

Why are we still carying on like its too much for the woman, the mother, to have any expectations of being celebrated too on the occasion of her child's 1st birthday

We're not skivvies there only to serve & look after everyone else!

YES!

I don't share family photos on social media & never have done

But i.still want nice photos! Its bizarre that everyone thinks anyone who wants a nice photo only wants it for social media

It's not a cruel spin, it's putting this ridiculous drama into a more reasonable context.

I’d say this isn’t actually about the photos - the photos have just triggered a reaction in you - a feeling of not being important and doing everything for others and not being honoured or appreciated back? Or along those lines, whatever the actual deep pain and emotion it is you’re feeling.

Now things will keep happening, like these photos to trigger this wound until you heal it and let it go. So I’d use the pain you’re experiencing now to work through these feelings and start to release them x

Ah I was with you 100% until you started acting like a bit of a petty buffoon and deleting photos of other people as ‘punishment’, out of spite. I can understand the emotional traction though, I’ve definitely felt the same… ish.
With regards to your main point, about how mums very rarely have the lovely photos with their own children that dads, grandparents etc have, it is rubbish. I have this thought (relatively!) often. I take so many photos of my kids with other people yet no one really bothers to take nice ones of me with them. I ask, and pose, and make them take them again if they’re shit. I don’t really care that it makes me a bit of a diva, or that people think it’s all for instagram (how tediously predictable on MN!) I adore those precious photos and I know I cherish the rare (vanishingly rare actually!) photos of me and my siblings with our mum when we were small. I always wish we had more.

It's making me feel like I mean nothing. Good enough to make all the effort, not good enough for anyone to make an effort for me. Which pretty much describes my entire experience of motherhood so far anyway.

I think people need to look beyond the photos. OP is clearly struggling with the year of feeling exhausted and under- appreciated. This was the final straw.

OP, have you explained to your loved ones? How tired and fed up you are? Do you need some time to yourself? What can they do to help?

I don’t believe this is just about the photo. Maybe be very clear and say you would like some photos of you and your one year old baby. You have worked hard to get here and deserve a photo of this time.

Please tell others how you feel and do something nice for yourself. I am sure if you felt appreciated, the significance of this photo would be much less.

OP, why do you keep changing your username?