Pissed off over photos

[ChubbyBoobs456]

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

Remember the days before phones and digital cameras when people took pictures and had no idea what they’d come out like?

Get a grip OP, seriously.

I’m sorry but I think you’re being ridiculous. Perhaps the other people there were busy enjoying the birthday party and making happy memories, not evaluating how good you look in their photos.
I hope your sulk helps you feel better and that you quickly move on.

I think this is a way in which digital photos are an issue for some. They expect instant perfection and will expect the children to pose until it’s achieved. With a good old film camera you had 30 shots for the whole party so you took the pics and hoped for the best!

Don’t raise your daughter to think that perfection is important

YANBU. Sorry no one took a couple of minutes to get a half decent photo of you with your baby when you went out of your way to get good photos of them. You matter too.

Time to match their energy from now on. In future take quick photos of them. If they aren't good, oh well! You can't be arsed, just like they couldn't.

Put the best photo of the night into Chatgbt and ask it to improve what you dont like.

I've always loved taking photos for the memories. I used to take my 110 cartridge camera out clubbing and other such places.

I realised a long time ago that others don't place such a weight on capturing the memories. And that's ok.

If you took photos of others, but they didn't take them of you, I suspect you're more of a photo memory girl than them. And that's ok too. Don't get cross with them because they don't see things the way you do.

I mean this kindly, are you okay?

What else is going on, are you unhappy with something else in your life? This sounds like unvented anger about a ‘real’ issue coming out over something small like photos.

Husband not pulling his weight? Stressed about going back to work? Child not sleeping?

She’s matched their energy she’s deleted the best photos, job done.

Like a spoilt child.

You do sound really petulant.

Get used to it. Hardly any good photos of me with my DC and they are young teens. Despite me asking DH to make an effort to take photos of me with DC from time to time. There are loads of them with him in candid moments: snuggling in bed, reading stories, playing games, on holiday. It’s going to be like I hardly existed 😔

I know what you mean, there’s very few photos of me with my children when they were young as ‘selfies’ didn’t exist in those days and it was always me doing the picture taking with an actual camera and roll of film and making everything nice while their father was largely absent so there was nobody to take any of me with them. The ones I do have are head chopped off, weird angles, eyes closed, that kind of thing. Makes me cross.

It's really not important. And often the more candid, unposed shots are far more engaging than a stilted, unrealistic posed one.

I totally agree with this!
I’m always the one capturing all the memories and “perfect” candid shots, but rare it happens for me. So I totally empathise with your upset over this.
Photos are my “happy thing” to look back on, cherish the memories and re-live those days.
Is it worth mentioning to your partner/family/close friends how much it means to you so they can be a bit more switched on next time? Sadly, some people don’t think and need to be directly told… they get so wrapped up in wanting to be around baby, that they forget mum!!

I do actually get you op. I had the exact same thing at DD2’s 21st. I made sure I got a picture of everyone with her. Was there a single one of me? Nope. I was really upset. Not because I’m vain. Or because I wanted it du be all about me. But because nobody had bothered, when I had. It hurt.

I am the least photogenic person in the world. I used to delete half the photos of any event or night out because I didn’t like how I looked in them. Now I keep them all if DS is in them - even if you can see my tonsils or 18 chins have materialised out of nowhere - because I want to remember every moment with him.

YANBU to feel upset and unappreciated if you organised it all and specifically asked others to take 5 minutes to take a nice photo of you both. Reading between the lines, is feeling unappreciated a running theme which is exacerbating this?

I do think YABU a bit to delete any and let this spoil your memory of DD’s birthday, though. Try to cherish the ones you have of DD on her own. Maybe you could organise a photoshoot day where this will be the sole focus? Make it a nice day - just the two of you - and enjoy it outside of the pressures of her big day.

I don't need a professional shoot. Just someone to take 30 seconds to make sure they're taking a good shot.
J
Why didn't you do what me and my mates do? Review the picture after taking and then say 'Delete!!!!' Take it again!' and tell them that you want to look good in it.

I don't need a professional shoot. Just someone to take 30 seconds to make sure they're taking a good shot.

Why didn't you do what me and my mates do? Review the picture after taking and then say 'Delete!!!!' Take it again!' and tell them that you want to look good in it.

At events such as this, I always try to get a nice photo before it starts as it’s not going to happen when there’s loads going on. I’m a single mum so set a timer on my phone.

Same in my house/family

after one of the many birthday parties a friend sent me 3 lovely photos of me with my son that she had captured. Exactly as you describe, not posed but natural moments. I don’t look great in them but I love those photos. When I thanked her she said she always tries to take a couple of the mum as she’s busy orchestrating the day and dads rarely think to do it. It’s so true and I now try to do the same for others.

Gentle warning op, if you are hoping for years ahead of lovely photos where you look your best and your kids look adorable, or even clean, and everyone's smiling.... you might be disappointed.

In pretty much every photo with my kids I look mumsy and not my best, you are trying to get kids to stand still/stop mucking about etc, you rarely get that moment to smooth your own hair or get comfortable posing etc. Often the timing is off and the photo is taken right as you are looking pissed off that DC1 is poking DC2 etc.

Work on getting happy with how you look when things aren't perfect. A bunch of photos i hadn't backed up got lost when a phone broke & would kill to get them back, warts and all.

Surely if you wanted a photo of you with your dd you would have asked someone to take one. Why on earth would you think the guests would know what you wanted. If I wanted a particular photo of me I would ask a few people to take one

Yep it all sounds a bit martyr ish. Is it about photos op or do you feel unappreciated/ invisible? Or are you the photo taker, just asking as you seemed to be punishing people by not sending photos you took out to them so do people expect it? You didn’t have to send any out.

Agree. It smacks of well I knew to do this, it’s what I do so it must be right so why is every one not like me.

Grow up OP