Pissed off over photos

[ChubbyBoobs456]

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

I wanted to read this article but the link is not working/opening for me. anyone else having the same issue? x

Yeah I initially thought perhaps op is being BU but I’m undecided tbh now after reading further.

OP, is this part of a wider pattern of disrespect? Was your husband not able to take a good pic of you ?

My childhood memories are mainly of my SAHM mother but she’s not in many of the photos- she was always the one behind the camera, although she was the one taking me to school, baking, doing my hair, getting me dressed, organising Christmas, birthdays - everything really. I wish my father had been bothered to capture the memories with her, I can’t actually remember what she looked like during my childhood.

It matters. Mothers are important, this period of motherhood should be captured and mothers shouldn’t be made to feel selfish or vain for also wanting photos of themselves during this all-encompassing period of our lives.

I always offer to take a picture when I see a mum of little kids out and about with their kids and there’s a good photo opportunity - I get lovely candid ones that look professional. I have not had one mum refuse the offer yet- they have always been very grateful and I get told that that they rarely have pictures taken of them- it’s a very common issue. In my real life experience the dismissiveness on this thread is not actually common- or maybe posters forget what it’s like having babies and toddlers but not feeling valued: celebrated.

Come off it - OP said the pics with baby are unflattering because they didn’t wait for her to get baby settled, and weee taken while she was trying to settle baby/ mid speech etc.

When I take my candids of mums out and about, it can take a good couple of minutes to get one or two nice shots of both mother and child. It just takes someone caring and waiting until the child is settled again and the mum looks calm.

It ruined her night because nobody thought enough about her to think what it would mean to her to have a nice photo of her celebrating her daughters first birthday and take 2 minutes to take a nice one.

I'd feel the same as you OP. Im never in photos with my kids (unless its selfies) because no one thinks to take them. And if I ask, I get eye rolls as if im being a princess and the quickest snap possible without even making sure we're both smiling, looking the sane direction, eyes open etc. Its hurtful. They appreciate the photos I take of them so I dont understand why they cant do the same back, or understand why I want them!

Sounds like the poor baby spent most of the party with you passing her around and posing her for photos.

Enjoy the moment. Take snaps as they happen but don’t waste the whole time trying to pose the baby for perfect pictures

This has just reminded me of a former best friend. We went on a beach holiday in our twenties. We had good pics together since they were taken by a waiter or someone we had asked, and she had good solo pics from my camera posted to Facebook because I didn’t post the dud ones, like if made her look as if she was making a weird face or her eyes were half shut.

She OTOH posted everything with me in it so carelessly. So you’d get a nice one of me posing but then another 3 before that of me squinting or talking.

i asked her to take all the bad ones down, she said I was making a fuss and I said fine - I’ll just upload the ones of you I didn’t initially.

She was so shocked when she seen the whole lot, she seemed to think she was naturally photogenic and perfectly posed for every shot. What she hadnt realised all these years I’d been selective with the ones I’d posted of her.

She then agreed to take down the ones I didn’t want it I’d remove hers too😂

It was one of those moments that really helped me see the nature of our friendship. I was focused on making her look good, whereas she was careless about showing me in my best light. It wasn’t just this one incident btw but that was the final straw.

You really need to calm down. Just hit someone to take a picture of you and dd if having one for her first birthday means so much to you. It really doesn't have to be at the party.

Absolutely does not. But this is the typical mumsnet response, isn't it?! To kick the mother down regardless. It's a fucking forum to talk absolute shite on, not a place to solve world hunger or stop war.

I am sorry that you didn't get a nice photo, OP. Can you put yourselves in the same outfit and get one tomorrow? If not, don't worry. Just make sure you pose for a photo with your lovely baby next time you can. Keep checking the photos until you have a nice one and just keep getting them to take another until you do. Try not to beat yourself up x

We're not. In the grand scheme of things, photos really don't matter. It's the memories that count.

I've got some albums I made with photos DP took when the DCs were small. No one has ever cracked them open in about a decade! Including me.

I've also lost loads of old photos through upgrading phones. They probably still exist in the cloud somewhere, but I haven't looked for them because I don't miss them. Having had the experience at the time was enough - I don't need a souvenir.

I get your point, OP. I also am in the company of those whose husbands take awful photos or no patience to wait a few moments for a good shot. Whenever it is a photo moment for DH and DC I take several shots and one or two of those is usually pretty good (from a collection of ten for example). DH is opposite with me I have to sometimes ask for him to take a photo. He never spots a photo opportunity. It’s not for sharing or social media it’s for myself only and to have a nice memory of the moment.

DH will take one only and it’s no thought to the timing of pressing the button on the phone. So I look dreadful in all photos these days. Usually my mouth is hanging open or I have a weird expression on my face and I look awful.

Yanbu op.

The photo is important so I'd put the same outfits on yourself and your child and just MAKE your husband take one good one so you have it for the album

Learn to live in the moment. Never mind the stupid photos - surely if you’ve got nice pictures of your baby, that’s all that matters.

I'm older and I get so depressed by this whole “living life as an anticipated memory “ attitude.

Get used to it OP, Mum’s are always behind the camera or buy yourself a selfie stick as no other bugger is going to bother.

There are plenty of photos of you with your baby, you just don't like any of them.
You could have asked your partner or your mum or a sibling to take photos then check them to make sure you were happy with them and retake. I do sometimes with my mum if I want a nice photo (not every single photo she takes!)

Exactly this.

@ChubbyBoobs456 YANBU ♥️

No one has deliberately wronged you. You chose to place importance on having photos that look a specific way. To others it’s not so important . Try not to focus on others so much and just enjoy the day with your child. It’s not your responsibility to take good photos of others and vice versa.

A nice photo of OP is very subjective!

My old mum’s idea of a nice photo of me (or my children’s, come to that) was NOT the same as mine. I didn’t want to appear with a double chin but, looking down, that’s what I had sometimes- but only I cared or noticed.

It’s not that no one bothered to take a nice photo, I’m sure. They just can’t mind-read your personal ideal self-image.

How is it everyone else’s fault?

This was your daughter’s FIRST BIRTHDAY and you’ve focused purely on wanting a good photo of yourself and acting spitefully by deleting photos of others when it didn’t come to fruition.

I think you’ve behaved appallingly.

Gently Op could you be suffering with post partum depression? This anger over photos doesn’t seem at all in proportion.
Ive been to a lot of child’s birthday parties and the focus is just on coming together as a family. There are very few posed photos at all that I have ever seen and most people like that - a lot of people like natural photos of just the day with people talking, baby pulling faces etc.
Weddings and big events have hired a photographer so it’s not comparable. But if you wanted a posed photo or a special photo why didn’t you ask husband, friend, mum to take one before party when things were calmer? It’s not that easy to get a 1 year old to sit still in chaos and your family might not have realised you wanted this sort of photo.
But you then feeling so angry and overlooked and ugly as a result is an extreme reaction which speaks of more going on here and possibly PPD.

I can see why you are annoyed that no one got a good shot of you but you sound about as mature as your daughter.

Wow