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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off over photos

370 replies

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 00:31

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

OP posts:
Tiredandtiredagain · 27/08/2025 03:14

Theringcycle · 27/08/2025 02:15

I read in the OP that there was only a handful of her hence my reference to her not having many pictures. If there were more than a handful then there may well have been more of a chance of one that the OP liked.

Show quote history

A handful is plenty….hie long do you think the child should pose for? Until mummy has edited and airbrushed them all, loading them on insta , got sufficient likes, so that means it’s the right photos!

RaisinRainbow · 27/08/2025 03:22

If high quality photos are that important to you for specific events then do look into hiring a photographer. It's more affordable than you might think and will really elevate the pictures that you get. You'll be supporting a local business which goes a long way! You'll have lovely ones of you and baby, and if the guests too and most importantly it will save you all this stress. You'll be feeling great about it and can get oodles of kudos when you share them as well! Win win!

user1492757084 · 27/08/2025 03:23

You are being unreasonable and quiet spiteful to erase good shots of others. Your daughter might like to see all of those people later .
A reasonable response would be that you keep all nice photos and the not so nice ones of yourself too.
Then ask a good friend, who takes great photos, to visit your home within a few weeks to photograph you and your daughter in the birthday clothes with some flowers in colour tonings to enhance the two of you. (You partner could also be included.)
First Birthday photos are special but your reaction went too far. It's no one's fault that your photos were not up to standard. .
And have you asked all guests to search their phones for any good shots of you both on the day?

AHellOfAGoodNight · 27/08/2025 03:32

I think natural photos, not posed are often better as they capture the moment better. It’s those natural photos that I look back at and smile because they show my children for who they were at that age and that wasn’t children who sat and posed for the perfect photo.

I hope you and your daughter did manage to have a nice day despite this, don’t let anything spoil it. I think we often build up events like this and so want them to be perfect, tensions can run high and we can be left feeling annoyed over things that aren’t a huge deal, or that are masking the real issue, in this case that you feel taken for granted in general.

BlondieMuver · 27/08/2025 03:35

Who did you ask to take pictures of you?

Tiredandtiredagain · 27/08/2025 03:38

AHellOfAGoodNight · 27/08/2025 03:32

I think natural photos, not posed are often better as they capture the moment better. It’s those natural photos that I look back at and smile because they show my children for who they were at that age and that wasn’t children who sat and posed for the perfect photo.

I hope you and your daughter did manage to have a nice day despite this, don’t let anything spoil it. I think we often build up events like this and so want them to be perfect, tensions can run high and we can be left feeling annoyed over things that aren’t a huge deal, or that are masking the real issue, in this case that you feel taken for granted in general.

I don’t think natural photos are the ones OP wanted…

Its posed for insta ones I think.

I agree though, a natural laugh or looking at each other is far nicer.

MeTooOverHere · 27/08/2025 03:54

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 00:31

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

I'm sorry no one thought it was important to make the effort to get a good photo of you with her on her first birthday.

gandeysflipflop · 27/08/2025 04:04

I feel your pain op. mine are teens now but I have absolutely no photos of me in the moment with either of my dc because no one fkin thought to take a photo of me their mother with them, yes lots of shots of everyone else with them because I was the one behind the camera but absolutely none of me. the odd rare photo I do have is because I asked dp or my mother to take which they reluctantly did but the shot was always posed and not in the moment and took at a shit awful angle so is crap. I just wanted someone to think and recognise a lovely moment between mother & child and take a one second snap shot but no it never happened, even after I mentioned it time & time again.
It really upset me that I'd have a camera roll full of grandma hugging dc or a lovely photo of their dad playing with them so I stopped taking them as it hurt that it was always someone else in the shot and not me.
why does no one think to to ever take snapshots of mums with their child. I certainly will with my own dd if she becomes a mother one day.
Even typing this has made me annoyed that I didn't ever get the lovely photos I'd have treasured.

Glindaa · 27/08/2025 04:07

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 01:16

Anyway, I've been told, I'll put down my phone and not think about it anymore. Everyone thinks I'm unreasonable so that's what it is.

I'm still not sending anyone any photos. I'll keep them for myself / DD's album.

70 people so far agree with you OP , and don’t think YABU….

DarklingIlisten · 27/08/2025 04:14

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

DarklingIlisten · 27/08/2025 04:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

TreatTreat · 27/08/2025 04:17

Why do you need photos that are staged and not naturally in the moment? By posing for them, surely baby gets irrated and bored?

You do sound unreasonable. Just enjoy life in the moment.

Bearhunt468 · 27/08/2025 04:18

YANBU OP I get it. I totally get where your coming from. My husband hates having his photo taken and I respect that but in turn I have to ask him occasionally to take photos of me with our kids and he will often just snap and then not actually look/notice and say oh wait your eyes were closed then let me take another. I have a friend who always tries to take lots of photos of me with my kids when we hang out and I love her for that. She says mums never have enough photos of them with theirs kids and she always tries to get some.

Can you have a convo with your child's dad about how you want some nice photos with you and your kid occasionally (it's not being self centred at all). Mums are often the main carer and yet currently in my holiday photos it looks like I never got in the pool with them and am the boring one (I've asked my husband next time he gets out the pool for a ciggie to please take some photos of me with the kids... Hasn't happened yet but I will remind him without it being a row but it does wind me up).

Congrats on your first year of parenthood lovely x

DarklingIlisten · 27/08/2025 04:23

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

spoonbillstretford · 27/08/2025 04:27

DangerFrog · 27/08/2025 00:59

It feels like many people are missing the point here.

The OP cared enough about her guests, that she took the time to get nice photos of everyone who attended her daughter's first birthday.

Not one of those guests could be bothered to take the time required to get a nice photo of the OP.

They probably did take nice snaps, which didn't meet the OP's standard 🤔

WildflowerGardens · 27/08/2025 04:34

I would be pissed off too. These days it’s very easy to get a great photo that 25 years ago would have been almost impossible - everyone has a smart phone, they could have taken one of you and DD and then showed you it and said how’s that? And if it was no good, heaven forefend, take a few more to get a good one.

so yes, I would be pissed off

Samscaff · 27/08/2025 04:46

Mildly disappointing. That’s all. It’s your baby's milestone, not yours. Get someone to take photos of you with the baby tomorrow if it’s that important to you, though I bet you’ve got loads already. One days's difference in her age really is not important.

Deleting photos of other people in revenge is childish and petty.

NaiceBalonz · 27/08/2025 04:53

Well that's a needless hissy fit if ever I saw one 🙄

youalright · 27/08/2025 04:59

Let me guess you wanted photos for social media and the photos that where taken aren't of your best side. So you focused all your time and energy on getting the perfect Instagram pic to the point people got sick of taking photos of you instead of doing what you should of been doing which is enjoying your daughters birthday and making it about her.

DarklingIlisten · 27/08/2025 05:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

Okthenguys · 27/08/2025 05:08

IsEveryoneJustBotsNow · 27/08/2025 01:03

Do you not think your child might appreciate and like to see the photos of her with other adults, maybe try and recover them from your recently deleted so that your daughter can choose to see them when she’s older. Imagine trying to explain to her you deleted a load out of spite to punish the other adults at her party because you didn’t like the ones they took of you and her.

It sounds like people did actually take photos of you with your child, you’re just caught up on you me own perception of yourself. I get it, especially with how social media pushes “the aesthetic” these days.

I have really bad self esteem and I used to be upset looking at photos of myself but I have had to learn that others see me differently that I see myself, my brothers favourite photo of me I’m pulling a stupid face and sticking my middle finger up, my sisters face photo of me is of my ugly crying as I walk into the hospital after she’d given birth, my daughters fave photo of me is when she’s one, having her shoes fitted and my husband took a photo where my hair is all over from the wind outside, you can see my knickers above my jeans where I’m squatting to be at dds eyes level to distract her. She loves that photo so much and I think I look fucking terrible in them all.

What you’re viewing as horrible photos may well turn out to be your daughters fave of you, and would you want to pass on the idea to her that how you look is more important than the memory of being there with family who love her. If having posed photos a certain way is crucial to you maybe a tripod and making sure you get exactly what you want is something to consider for future.

I love this ❤️

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 27/08/2025 05:15

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 01:16

Anyway, I've been told, I'll put down my phone and not think about it anymore. Everyone thinks I'm unreasonable so that's what it is.

I'm still not sending anyone any photos. I'll keep them for myself / DD's album.

I understand, there are very few pictures of me and my eldest when they were very young, I sometimes feel sad about it still.

But please consider sending the pictures. Over the last couple of years my husband and I have both had to help clear out deceased relatives’ houses, and we both said that finding out they had kept albums / old pictures of us with them as children incredibly comforting. The relatives may never print them off, but they might, and they may be special to your dc one day.

Okthenguys · 27/08/2025 05:18

Although OP has said she isn’t returning to the thread - I agree with most that she is being unreasonable. I realized quickly if I wanted good photos of me and the kids I would need to specifically ask/remind DH or my sister to take them (and say “please make them good”, check the photo on the spot and ask for another one to be taken if it was too awful).

Otherwise I would hire a professional photographer to hover in the background for an hour or so and take pictures, and be clear that I wanted lots of me and DH interacting with DC. I’d also ask the photographer to get good pics of DC with grandparents, aunts, cousins etc. then share the lovely professional pics after which was always appreciated. This is because at a party or whatever everyone is busy enjoying themselves (as they should be!) not focusing on getting perfect pictures of mum and baby. It’s not a reflection on them or you! Deleting all pics out of spite seems over the top and petty.

PeloMom · 27/08/2025 05:22

What I did after a similar first bday experience is to take the pictures I want just before the people come over to the party - kid isn’t tired and overwhelmed yet, everything is arranged nicely, there’s time for my husband (or a relative we told to come over earlier than the others for picture taking purposes) to get the shots I want. After that I just enjoy the party and whoever wants to take pictures is their problem how good (or not) they are

Mopsy567 · 27/08/2025 05:29

OP, I'm a single mother and about 95% of my photos with my child are selfies as no-one else is around to take them. I'm not bothered, I have nice memories either way. In one of my favourite shots, you can see right up my nostrils, but my child and I are doing a fun activity together. I'm sure we will laugh at it when they are older.

If you want a good photo, you have to actually tell people exactly what you want. Some people are just rubbish at taking pictures or care less about them. Don't be petty and get rid of the good ones with others. They like your child enough to come to the party and will hopefully have a good relationship with them as they grow which is more important than a photo.