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Original poster

Pissed off over photos

370 replies

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 00:31

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

OP posts:
BlazesBoylansHat · 27/08/2025 09:49

Largestlegocollectionever · 27/08/2025 09:44

I’d say this isn’t actually about the photos - the photos have just triggered a reaction in you - a feeling of not being important and doing everything for others and not being honoured or appreciated back? Or along those lines, whatever the actual deep pain and emotion it is you’re feeling.

Now things will keep happening, like these photos to trigger this wound until you heal it and let it go. So I’d use the pain you’re experiencing now to work through these feelings and start to release them x

Sometimes it IS just about the photos though.

Why are so many women on this thread claiming they're happy to capture beautiful photo after beautiful photo of their children & partners whilst actually remaining invisible themselves?

That's not ok. Especially in this era of phone cameras! Its so easy to take a snap so why won't women speak to their husbands / partners & say i want to be included in the family photos and i would like the photos to be good (no eyes closed / eating or other 'funny' unflattering candid shots)

UnsolicitedMice · 27/08/2025 09:50

Katherine9 · 27/08/2025 09:49

OP, why do you keep changing your username?

Show quote history

She hasn’t. I accidentally posted too early after quoting her.

UnsolicitedMice · 27/08/2025 09:55

My husband has taken loads of photos of me and the kids, from the day they were born. It even drives me a bit mad sometimes as he takes so many when we are on holiday. My babies are now 20 and 23! The photos are for us as we don’t post on social media. I do think a decent partner will see the importance of taking photos of children with their mum. It is not too much to ask.

AnonymousBleep · 27/08/2025 09:57

Nobody except the parents and (maybe) the grandparents cares the slightest bit about photos from any child's birthday. Sorry if that sounds harsh - but it's the same as people who won't say their unborn child's gender or the name they've picked because they want it to be a 'surprise.' For who? Nobody else cares one way or another. It's all just pointless main character syndrome.

If you want nice photos, ask someone to take them of you. They won't mind. Don't not ask and then cry about it afterwards.

MzHz · 27/08/2025 10:01

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 00:54

Anyway, I've been told, I'm unreasonable and photos from my child's first birthday mean nothing.

No, that’s not what anyone is saying, they’re saying take a photo today… tomorrow next week. She’ll still be 1 and you’ll still be her mum.

no need to be petulant or dramatic.

Ivy888 · 27/08/2025 10:03

It wasn’t your birthday.
Also, guests are not responsible for taking photos. If you want nice photos, ASK someone to take them, or book a professional photo shoot.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2025 10:11

I think the only person I'd need a photo of on my child's 1st birthday is them! As long as you have that, that's great.

If you need a good photo of you, speak to a family member about how important that is. Or get some professional shots done

Tigergirl80 · 27/08/2025 10:14

It’s not just about what the photos look like. It’s about creating memories some of those people in those photos you deleted aren’t always going to be around for your dd growing up. Most of the photos I have of my childhood aren’t great. But both dc love to look at them and remember the time they spent with family no longer with us. Both have severe autism and ADHD non verbal. They don’t think in words they think in pictures. So if you can retrieve those pictures you deleted then do before it’s too late.

smallpinecone · 27/08/2025 10:17

We used to enjoy events and enjoy living life without the need to constantly document it. We couldn’t take photos of everything, so it was quality over quantity, we had to make them good ones, and it took a while to get the prints back.

Strange how concerts are now a sea of phones recording the event… people not experiencing it, living it, more documenting their presence. Very weird how we’ve changed. It’s quite sad.

GasPanic · 27/08/2025 10:17

You're in good company. For the first moon landing there are hardly any photos of Neil Armstrong on the surface because he had the camera. All the famous ones of astronauts on the surface are of Buzz Aldrin.

Probably remember to take some time out and get a photo next time.

Meandmyguy · 27/08/2025 10:18

How spiteful you are.

ExcitingTimes2023 · 27/08/2025 10:19

while I think deleting the photos is a bit OTT and do feel for you. I have 2 very young children and I have a handful of nice photos of me and them. Lots of other people and them (which I have taken) but no nice ones of me. Like you said people can’t be bothered to keep taking photos til they get a good one. And I get it. After a minute or 2 it just gets awkward for everyone. I normally ask my partner to try get a few candid ones but he rarely remembers despite having his phone in his hand permanently.

however I have 1000s of pictures of my children enjoying their life. And who cares if I look like a sack of shit on them. When I look back at them all I care about is the memory. You will get over it and believe me as they get older it gets no easier to get nice photos coz they fecking run off, decide they must pick their nose at that exact moment, shove food in their/your face, or just scream. X

Ivenoname · 27/08/2025 10:21

oviraptor21 · 27/08/2025 09:26

OP has said nothing about social media - and nor would I.
I want photos for me - for me to look back on now and when I'm old and to treasure the memories that are reinforced by lovely photos.

Show quote history

I know OP hasn't mentioned Social media. I didn't say she had.

The discussion here is about how many pp on this thread hold the view that their worth is dictated by people wanting to take photos them. And that is obviously to do with social media. I mean the number of threads in MN about the angst caused by people liking/ not liking their photos on Social media is of epidemic proportions.

If you need photos to " reinforce" your memories then fair enough. Personally my memories are in my head. The vast majority of people I remember vividly I dont have a single photo of. Similarly with occasions. I actually never look at the photos I do have. Tbh the memories they evoke give me such yearning and grief over the people and times that are long passed it's too emotional an experience.

SirBasil · 27/08/2025 10:23

Op - there is a Whole Thing about mothers not being in photos.

Make sure you get someone to take photos of you, with your device, so there are plenty of them. Learn a few poses.

Curlymam88 · 27/08/2025 10:24

Id be pissed off too. A first birthday is a big deal. I'd definitely explain how you feel to one of your family members and ask if they'd try take one of the 2 of you dressed up again. Maybe family members dont realise how strongly you feel about your photo. I hope you manage to get a lovely one of the two of you.

BlazesBoylansHat · 27/08/2025 10:27

Have people lost their ability to read or comprehend what they're reading?

Op wrote quite a concise opening post.

In it she says:

She ASKED for a photo to be taken

A couple of photos WERE taken but are unusable because of impatient photographer not bothering to check eyes closed / child wriggling / child looking away etc

The op managed to take some good photos proving that it IS indeed possible.

She has NEVER said they're for instagram or social media

Why are posters STILL telling op 'she only had to ask for a photo?'

Screamingabdabz · 27/08/2025 10:28

I have very few photos of me and my middle dd when she was little and it breaks my heart. We were so busy and frenetic it just got overlooked. My DH says he took loads of video but it’s not quite the same… I get you op.

EasySqueezy · 27/08/2025 10:29

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 01:16

Anyway, I've been told, I'll put down my phone and not think about it anymore. Everyone thinks I'm unreasonable so that's what it is.

I'm still not sending anyone any photos. I'll keep them for myself / DD's album.

You sound really childish.

Theringcycle · 27/08/2025 10:29

BlazesBoylansHat · 27/08/2025 09:41

The more of mumsnet I read the the more depressing i find people.

The op was not asking for:

  1. A professional photo shoot
  2. Photos only for instsgram / sm
  3. Elaborate, posed photos

She clearly stated that she wanted:

  1. A couple of photos of her & dd where her child was not moving or wriggling

She clearly managed to get some photos of family with dd where everyone was looking good

She did this (whilst hosting a party) presumably without needing to arrange a professional photo shoot. Nor does she seem to have needed to set up elaborate or 'stiff poses'

Yet, its pronounced by many that its too much for her to expect that she might have similar - a nice photo of her & her baby together during the party.

Why are we still carying on like its too much for the woman, the mother, to have any expectations of being celebrated too on the occasion of her child's 1st birthday

We're not skivvies there only to serve & look after everyone else!

QUITE. Not only is she being seen as asking for too much for a half-decent photo (which she hasn’t even said anything about putting on social media!) but she’s been told she sounds like a toxic person and that people might not want to come to her child’s second birthday 🤷🏽‍♀️.

FishingForest · 27/08/2025 10:32

SnowFrogJelly · 27/08/2025 00:44

Oh dear first world problems! You sound a little spoilt

Totally agree, what a mountain out of a molehill

FlibbertyGibbitt · 27/08/2025 10:41

Honestly, when your child turns 30 you’ll look back and love all the natural pictures and how lovely you looked. Take this from one who knows !

Theringcycle · 27/08/2025 10:44

gandeysflipflop · 27/08/2025 05:37

I wanted to read this article but the link is not working/opening for me. anyone else having the same issue? x

Show quote history

Sorry @gandeysflipflop , I’ve realised it was for the writer’s substack subscribers only. Basically it can be summed up as - it’s A Thing for mothers to not be in the photos, for a couple of reasons, and it’s not just a question of the mother needing to ask or communicate better (this might help some of the time, but it doesn’t all just come down to a communication fault on her part). There’s also an interesting couple of paragraphs about how memory is unreliable and photographs can serve a purpose of grounding our memories.

UnsolicitedMice · 27/08/2025 10:46

OP, delete the photos if it makes you feel better. But ultimately the other people will not care that much and it won’t solve your issues. Have a think as to what you can do to address the core problems here.

dontsweatthesmallstufff · 27/08/2025 10:46

I completely understand feeling frustrated that people you asked didn’t have the patience to take a nice photo of you with your child on her birthday. I had the same and spoke to my partner calmly about it the following day. He took some nice ones of me with her then when the busyness of the party wasn’t a distraction.

I do think you are unreasonable to delete other nice photos of your child’s birthday, so that they cannot enjoy them in the future. You could have kept them for your child without sending them to others.

RickertyRocker · 27/08/2025 10:49

You need to task a few people with this in future. Get a good snap early on. Was your OH there?

Have people asked for pictures of themselves?