Asked friend to dog sit and she said 'it was a bit inconvenient'

[Terracottafarmers]

I've asked my good friend, who’s really good with our dog, if she’d be able to look after her while we’re away for a couple of nights in December. Normally I’d ask my parents, but since they’ll be away with us, we don’t have anyone else to help.

When I asked her, she said she’d let me know, but this is already the second time I’ve had to bring it up (even though she’s looked after our dog a handful of times before). This time she made a comment I found a bit odd 'Well, you haven’t chosen dates Diana that are exactly easy'. .

I just find the comment a little strange, you either can or you can’t. To be honest, it’s made me feel like I’m being a bit of an inconvenience even asking her. The only thing is, I know if I go back and say we’ve found someone else, she’ll probably get annoyed that we chose another option.

AIBU to feel a bit taken aback?

So, what are the dates in December and do you understand why they’re not ideal? Eg a birthday or similar? Tell new it’s not over Xmas or NY!?

Huh? Why? She doesn’t owe you anything. You’ll need another solution - and ideally should figure out your pet sitting before booking time away as this is a very odd assumption to make

I would look for alternative arrangements with your dog OP. She doesnt want the responsibility around Christmas. She should let you know so you know where you stand.
We always take our dog with us on holiday due UK breaks but for the last two years we have gone abroad with our three teenagers. We were lucky and found an amazing kennels but expensive. Peace of mind knowing our little dog is happy but it is literally the cost of another person going abroad. If friends and family are happy to help then that is great but we have never had any help so have found a good doggy daycare.

The OP doesn’t mind if the friend says no, she just wants an answer rather than sitting on the fence. The friend might be a people pleaser and not want to say no but that doesn’t help the OP know if she needs to sort out alternative dog care.

OP you need to speak to her - texts could come across as passive aggressive when that isn’t intentional. Say you understand that she is busy and is happy for her to say no. Just so you can make other plans.

But if you know your very close friend is a people pleaser… then you surely read between the lines!

She answered. The dates are not easy.

Practically, she probably doesn't have anything specific in her calendar yet, but expects she might have.
So it isn't "either she can or she can't situation" as the OP put it.
She might be fine to help if it fits with her other plans which are unfortunately not specified yet.

With the OP's attitude she probably doesn't want to say it this way, because the OP would nudge her to commit. She doesn't see it as "no" situation, because she doesn't know for sure that she can't.
She would rather decide later.
If the OP needs to know now, she has to find a different solution.

I don't mind doing favours for people but not around December. As it's a busy month and I like to be free to go to events. Perhaps it's the month that's the problem? I put my dog into kennels, can you do the same?

Pay for a dog boarder like everyone else you entitled cheeky mare!

People are being quite harsh and sometimes outright rude to the OP on here.

I think the friend sounds like a drama llama and is deliberately creating a fuss. Saying, 'Well, you haven’t chosen dates Diana that are exactly easy' is obviously unhelpful and also a bit snide; it's not for her to comment on the dates.

And 'if I go back and say we’ve found someone else, she’ll probably get annoyed that we chose another option.' She sounds manipulative and self-centred.

I think it says volumes about you, OP, that you chose to edit out the bits of your original post that actually indicate how massively unreasonable you are being. If you don't like people knowing that much about you (i.e. what a staggeringly condescending and thoughtless person you are), you should have deleted the entire thread. It says even more about you that you've chosen not to return to the thread. I hope you are hanging your head in shame but suspect you're more probably having a strop.
If she has started uni recently, how can she possibly know what she will be doing in December? Whether you like it or not (and I'm guessing you won't), her social circle and, hopefully, her circle of friends, will widen. She might be hoping she'll be having a busy social life by December and one that doesn't involve you or your dog and your offensive attitude.

She clearly doesn’t want to do it but doesn’t want to say no. Find someone else (dog sitter or kennels). December is usually a busy month for everyone, and unless your dog is good at being left alone for long periods of time, it will be very restrictive.

Well my first thread of the morning has set me up for the day. Never fail to be amused by people's absolute lack of emotional intelligence.

December is a party month - perhaps your friend also has plans and family and friends to see? Sort yourself out a professional dog sitter and stop scrounging off and moaning about your friends.

if I go back and say we’ve found someone else, she’ll probably get annoyed that we chose another option.

My spidey senses tell me that she very probably won’t

Relief! She will feel relief

She doesn't want to do it but she doesn't feel able to tell you. Book a dog-sitter or kennels.

So why doesn't she just say, 'sorry but I can't'?
She needs to communicate like an adult. It's a simple question to answer. No need for snarking about 'inconvenient' dates.

Top tip! Thank you

she doesn’t KNOW she can’t and doesn’t want to lie
it is so clear to so many of us that this answer was a no

but some posters seem to think that unless you say NO it’s a fail

If someone asked me to commit to a date in December, I'd be squirming too as I'm waiting for a couple of event dates to be confirmed which means as of today I'm "free" but I might not be come the date you need.

So OP you need to let her off the hook and, from both versions of your OP, YABU.

Why do you say in your title that she said it was inconvenient, when in your post you say she said something else and its you who thinks its inconvenient for her?

@steff13 thanks! I didn’t know you could check the edited post history! 🙌

It's not a 'clear' no at all, it's the OP having to ask her again, and a snitty comment about the OP's dates.
If you don't say no to a request that has a clear yes-or-no response then yes, obviously it is a fail. Unless you're a mind-reader.

Well it would seem the lion’s share of us on this thread are mind readers! 😆

Friend asked me to look after her dog for a few days. Fine, took it home with me, let it out into the garden to pee and he vanished. Gone. Bugger. Hunted round the neighbourhood, asked others to help. No. No sign of dog. This was way back before tech comms, so 2 days later went over to her house to confess about the dog. Which was sitting on her doorstep laughing at me. Amazing animals. Fulham to Notting Hill. Never done the journey before, had to cross 2 really busy main roads yet made it back intact. Phew. No more dog sitting for me.

Not RTFT but she might have other plans. YABVU.