Wedding with a dress code

[Helpmeup]

A few months ago we received an invitation to my husbands friends wedding. Along with the invitation was a dress code which said “dress to impress and please wear pastel colours only” I don’t have any pastel coloured dresses but I thought well it’s a few months away so I have time to find something.

However, husband checked with her and the men also have to wear pastel. Now that the wedding is 2 weeks away I actually feel a bit annoyed that we are having to buy something brand new to go to a wedding when we both have perfectly fine dresses and suits to wear already. DH probably isn’t ever going to wear pastel clothing again so it seems like a waste of money. We asked if he could maybe just wear a pastel tie instead but she insists everyone has to be in theme with the pastels.

The venue is over an hour away and the taxi is costing us £40 each way. We will be spending money there on drinks etc so I just feel like it’s going to cost us so much money to attend someone’s wedding 😩 I told myself I would put some money aside to be able to afford the new clothes but it hasn’t worked out as we have had too many other things to pay for lately so this just seems like an unnecessary purchase when we already have perfectly reasonable clothes to wear to the wedding! Is this a thing now? AIBU to feel this way?

Of course you don't "have to"! Just wear what you like or dont go.

The thing about wearing something you will never wear again is that you won't spend a lot of money on it, and therefore won't look like you have dressed to impress.

It's a shame you checked with the bride but now you're stuck with it. Do you and/or DH have anything in beige, cream, taupe (or even white because I would forget the "don't wear white to a wedding" rule) that you could add something pastel to? DH doesn't need a jacket, you could add a pastel scarf or cardigan. I wouldn't fret about the "dress to impress" instruction either.

Is there anyone else travelling from your area? If they're driving you could contribute to petrol or share a taxi.

Agree with you, OP. Wedding guests aren't props. They are your nearest and dearest and, beyond the reasonable expectation of dressing smartly, it's poor hosting to put the onus of your aesthetic on them.

I love the idea of a charity shop themed wedding. It’s genius!

I would just say you’ve done your best without having to shell out in a new suit etc

They are being so unreasonable to have such specific requirements. What a waste of clothes. I loved seeing what people chose to wear for my wedding and making them feel happy and looked after.

As you have 2 weeks I’d just buy something on Vinted or put a shout out on fb to see if anyone has something (particularly for your dh) that you could borrow.

I'd have declined at the 'Dress to impress' command.

fuck off.

if you're still going, DH would just wear navy suit trousers & a pale blue shirt.

id wear an existing light coloured dress

the taxi has nothing to do with it. If you don't drive that's just a cost of any socialising surely. If you do drive one if you can just choose not to drink.

I agree, that is ridiculous. It is completely inconsiderate and wasteful to impose uncessary dress codes on your guests. Guests should be able to wear whatever they want (within reasonable range of formal-ish daytime wear) and make use of whatever is already in their wardrobe if they want to.

For the men, hopefully just wearing a pastel shirt would be ok? I can't believe men are going to shell out for pastel suits????

I'd be happy to do that personally, but I still think that is an unreasonable imposition on guests who might already have perfectly good outfits to wear! It takes time and effort to shop well at charity shops.

The theme could be 'nothing new'.

If you already have something suitable, wear that. None of this 'need something new for every occasion' nonsense.

If you want to spend time and money on finding something on Vinted or in a charity shop, that's fine too, but unless you have plenty of time and an element of luck, the chances of finding something that fits must be quite low.

Who would know it’s not from a charity shop?

Decline. Too much expectation on guests to comply. Imoressed with £50 taxi for hour away

True. But then what’s the point of the dress code? I don’t really want to have to pretend my dress came from a charity shop when it didn’t. Especially as, given the theme, it I’d likely to be a talking point (which charity shop, how much…)

I see you continued to write more essays 😁

Are you the bride?

Op you’re not being unreasonable in the slightest!

I let my bridesmaids pick their own dress as I wanted them to be comfortable, and I was really pleased when friends asked me if they could wear something they already had, not because I wanted to police what they wore, but because I could make sure they didn’t have to spend more money or effort.

If you still want to adhere to the silly dress code, I have a pastel blue dress from Primark, so it may be worth a look there. But I would still just go in something you already own! Honestly what can the bride say if you say to her something is out of your budget right now?

I honestly thing people don't think, and they just assume people will love the opportunity to dress up.

A pastel linen suit for men is very 'in' and you can wear the trousers and jacket separately. My husband got his new with tags from ebay for £99. But I accept if you haven't got £99 or genuinely don't want a new outfit then it doesn't work! My dress was £48, I absolutely loved it and will wear it again- I'll just dress it down.

On the day of the wedding my husband felt great in his suit and when we looked at the photos afterwards it was nice seeing how good we looked! So it was worth the £147 we paid for the outfits we got a lot of pleasure from wearing.

I think its a cheek to tell people what to wear for a wedding and would do what I advised my niece. Guests are not extras in a movie.Turn up in what you intended to wear. If they insist on vetting your outfit before hand either decline or tell them that you ordered one online. Either it did not fit or arrive in time. So you had to come in this!

My niece was told that a pretty cream dress with pink flowers was too !bridesmaidsy" for the summer wedding. When she wore it there was another guest with a very similar style and colour of dress.

These things are never compulsory. Wear what you like.

I personally wouldn’t go but if you do, maybe pick a dress in a material that you can dye afterwards if you don’t like pastel colours,

Some weddings are ridiculous these days the brides are more concerned about their Instagram photos than the guests, it says an awful lot about the woman

We're going to a family wedding next year that has specified black tie only for the men. My OH and a couple of others (not wedding fans) have said they'll just be turning up in regular suits. I can hardly see them being thrown out...although I expect that'd be their ideal scenario.

🤣

Yes, it’s unreasonable to dictate your guests’ outfits, bar the usual etiquette of not wearing white, particularly given the expenses involved with attending. I have to echo a pp who says one of you could drive, saving £80, some of which could go towards an outfit.

Very unreasonable of pp to suggest not going when the OP clearly is going and has not suggested that she doesn’t want to go with 2 weeks til the date.

Some people love a dress code, BIL got married this year, being adults they didn't have a stated dress code but loads of people asked for one so they said something vague like 'fine and fabulous' and everyone turned up in standard wedding attire and looked great in the photos because a) everyone was comfortable and b) the photographer was good.

I think dress guidelines are helpful. When my niece got married the guidelines were smart casual, and that suited everyone nicely.

Strict demands are downright unreasonable. I have no interest in being an extra in a photoshoot..

I think most people in the UK know that you should dress in formal daytime attire for a wedding and dress codes specifying colours are still making that assumption. I doubt the bride and groom would be happy if your DH turned up in a pair of faded orange shorts and a white band t-shirt from his student days even though he was wearing pastel clothes.

You're not going to get barred from the wedding if your DH doesn't wear a pastel suit. Make sure he has a light coloured shirt and tie on and don't think any more about it, he won't be the only one to interpret the dress code to suit himself. If the happy couple choose to make a fuss (they won't) just say you can't afford a new suit in an impractical colour for a single event and you tried your hardest to fit the brief within your budget. Then don't engage in any more discussion about it.