Wedding with a dress code

[Helpmeup]

A few months ago we received an invitation to my husbands friends wedding. Along with the invitation was a dress code which said “dress to impress and please wear pastel colours only” I don’t have any pastel coloured dresses but I thought well it’s a few months away so I have time to find something.

However, husband checked with her and the men also have to wear pastel. Now that the wedding is 2 weeks away I actually feel a bit annoyed that we are having to buy something brand new to go to a wedding when we both have perfectly fine dresses and suits to wear already. DH probably isn’t ever going to wear pastel clothing again so it seems like a waste of money. We asked if he could maybe just wear a pastel tie instead but she insists everyone has to be in theme with the pastels.

The venue is over an hour away and the taxi is costing us £40 each way. We will be spending money there on drinks etc so I just feel like it’s going to cost us so much money to attend someone’s wedding 😩 I told myself I would put some money aside to be able to afford the new clothes but it hasn’t worked out as we have had too many other things to pay for lately so this just seems like an unnecessary purchase when we already have perfectly reasonable clothes to wear to the wedding! Is this a thing now? AIBU to feel this way?

I'm inclined to agree, and a cheap pastel suit as well (Asda, TK Maxx both have them in light colours). But we don't know what OP's budget constraints are like. An £80 suit and a £20 dress that will go straight to the charity shop could be too much.

If it's not too much, though, OP, go for it! Treat it as fancy dress. It's bloody rude of the bride, even so.

Buy yourselves a coupe of pink onesies. Your audacity will be impressive. Job done.

Or just decline- which is what I would do.

Dictating clothing to that extent is just tacky and we all know it’s for the Instagram likes.

If someone isn't paying for my outfit they don't get to dictate what it is (beyond social norms anyway!)

I can't stand pastel colours and never ever wear them so like shite would I be going buying a pastel coloured dress to appease someone's need to stage manage every minute detail of their wedding so they get lots of likes on social media.

2 weeks before is a bit rude to drop out though so I'd just wear something I want.

If someone isn't paying for my outfit they don't get to dictate what it is (beyond social norms anyway!)

Absolutely this. Life is too short for this kind of fuckery.

Ha! My husband bought a fab pastel linen suit to wear at a wedding and I bought a pastel dress in the Ghost sale for £49 for the same wedding. There was no colour coordinated demand on the invitation though!

All the men looking like the Man from Del Monte or poor man's Crockett 😂

I think this sort of dress code is ridiculous, but I also think you’ve left it a bit late, given that the invitations came out months ago, the dress code was mentioned at the time, and the wedding is now only 2 weeks away.

I think it would be very rude to decline at this late stage, as some others have suggested.

This happened to one of my nieces. They asked her to send a picture of the outfit she proposed to wear and then said it was too "bridesmaidy". Suggested she buy something pastel. Niece sent them a picture from online and they approved it. Then she turned up in the dress she had originally intended to wear. When asked she said the new outfit did not arrive in time and it was too late to get anything else. Job done. There was another woman in a similar style of dress so it was not unsuitable after all. You just have to be a bit ballsy.

Yes. But perhaps a whole outfit?

Weddings are a joke these days. Under what circumstances would one adult tell another what to wear on any given day? I wouldn't go along with it. I'd wear a dress I already had, and challenge anyone to ask me why it's not pastel (I don't have/wear pastels as they wash me out and make me look ill).

DH wears whatever suit he'd planned. He can take the jacket off if it's "spoiling the aesthetic".

And send him to the charity shops to find a pastel coloured shirt. Or a nice white linen shirt he can wear again.

Bugger expecting people to spend a fortune on something theydon't own and wouldn't choose to buy.

The only stipulation at my wedding was to remember it was a hike across uneven granite steps and cobbles and if you want to wear heels or sandals, I'd recommend wearing trainers up to the chapel door and changing them! I especially hammered it into my mate who lives in 4" heels 😂

Wear what you want. I very much doubt everyone will be wearing the dress code.

We went to a wedding about 20 years ago and the dress code was ‘cool’ at a time when most weddings were traditional. They just meant casual night out wear rather than wedding attire as it was a party in a marquee. That’s a lot easier than pastel wear and is very open.

I completely get where you’re coming from, but I think the point to decline was when you sent your RSVP. They will have paid for your dinner etc and that’s often several hundred pounds per guest. You’re within you rights not to go, but I would think you very rude for doing so at this late stage.

I don't think you are unreasonable to not want to spend put on outfits but you are unreasonable if you pull out at this late stage. Can you both borrow things?

Just get him to wear a pastel shirt and whatever suit trousers he owns. She can’t demand everyone buys new clothes.

This. I'm also twitching big time about all the 'just get something from a charity shop
/off Vinted' suggestions.

Because that's not going to be a mind numbing, frustrating waste of time at all is it?

All because DHs mate is marrying some loon who wants her wedding photos to look like a bag of Refreshers?

I'd give them a choice. Go to their wedding wearing clothing of our choosing, which is unlikely to involve pastels because, well, why would they? Quite happy to not feature I any photos. Or not go, up to them.

I’d decline, but do it ASAP.

I wonder if the bridezilla has posted on the mnet wedding board complaining about her guests lack of consideration of her wedding theme?

@Helpmeup repost on the wedding board for a laugh to see if the brideszillas dis/agree with the sensible opinions on this thread!

Personally, I'd have declined the invitation months ago but as time is short, wear the lightest coloured outfit you have rather than buying a new dress.

I would have gone to a charity shop and found the most disgusting pastel outfits I could find and wore those just to make a point.

I’d have a look at second hand; it might be that for a man you could get away with a decent second hand waistcoat in pastel colours with a pair of pale trousers and shirt… there’s a fab vintage place which does this kind of stuff in our nearest town.

I wore a pastel coloured long vest dress and a shirt to the pub the other night. Everybody raved. It's absolutely not a colour I've really worn before. Go take the challenge. Budget of £30.

I would decline, weddings are not meant to be hard work

Agree with this.

Also twitching at the suggestions of ‘buying a suit under £100’. That’s still loads of money to spend on something someone will never wear again.

I don’t think it’s rude to decline with this short notice tbh, on the basis that I think it’s acceptable and normal to leave it until a few weeks away to look for an outfit.

I would be asking DH to contact the bride saying unfortunately you won’t be going in pastel, you’ll be going in clothes you already own, up to her if she doesn’t want you there and wants to waste money on food she’s ordered for guests. Or just turn up in whatever you want.