To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

Yes there is huge generational inequality. This is why we should focus on taxing wealth rather than income. The older generation should be paying much more.

My 3 oldest kids 29,27 and 24 all bought houses by the time they were 25.

My parents are workimg class but over stretched and bought a huge doer upper house in 1985 for 70k. We had no holidays, mum cooked basic meals from scratch and our car was an old banger. Interest rates went sky high and dad worked three jobs to not lose the house. They never had credit and I had trainers from woolworths. I dont remember them ever having a night out.
People comment that they are wealthy now as the house is now worth over a million and they did it up over 20 years and it looks great and they now have no mortgage.
I do lament that I could not afford their house now, but then I also think that if Inwas a frugal as they were from age 25 which would have been a similar age to when they bought their house then I would be in a vastly different situation to what I am now.
The area I live in has a lot of boomers who bought around that time, their adult children moved out and they are retired living in huge houses. I wonder if there will come a time when house prices will dip as a lot of them will pass away and these big houses will come on the market in more quantity than they are now.

Do you think that’s usual in their age group?

Same here, 69 and having received no inheritance.
A modest house there was, in fact, but it was bequeathed to a local housing association, and my brother and I had always known such a thing was my parents’ intention.
I don’t doubt this is why I find reports of younger people fulminating about delays to or depletion of ‘their inheritance’, as though their parents have absolutely no right to treat their own assets as they choose, so repugnant.
(Not that I’ve seen this on MN. Prevalent elsewhere though.)

In truth I think we’d all be a damn sight happier if home ownership were rare. Lifelong tenancies in well maintained dwellings such as is widespread on the Continent seems a far more rational arrangement, compared with the effects we see of the vagaries of private ownership on social cohesion and personal fulfilment.

I agree. I'm sure I'll get flack for this, but we recently found out my mil had squirreled away over £50,000. My fil didn't even know about it, she never worked so I'm assuming it's various inheritances. She's watched us suffer through 2 bouts of my oh being unemployed, one of which I had to go back to work when my DS was only 3 months old to keep us afloat. She could have done so much with that money, they could have bought their dream bungalow, traveled, and yes have helped us or their grandchildren out. But now because of her age and dementia diagnosis it's just sitting there, waiting to be spent on her care.

What were your parents childhoods like? Did they have a bedroom each? Lots of toys or just a few? Did they go on holiday abroad? What age did they leave school? Would it have been feasible for them to go to uni if they'd wanted to?

How about when they were your age? How long did your dad get for paternity leave? Did they have lots of gadgets (the 1980s equivalents, obviously they wouldn't have had mobiles etc.) How much travelling had they done by their early 20s compared to you? Did they go out to eat or get takeaways often? Did they have a car each?

My grandfathers retired at 50 and my grandmothers never really worked. On one hand they seem a lot better off than I will be once I get to that age. On the other they had all left school by 15 and my grandfathers were working full time from then - interrupted by national service. My grandmother didn't even have a bed of her own, let alone a bedroom until she got married. They didn't go abroad until their 50s.

Even my parents who were born early 60s - they and hardly anyone they knew went to uni. My mum didn't get central heating or an indoor loo until she was 5 (so neither did my grandparents until their late 20s).

Their childhoods were very happy, but in no way comparable in terms of the luxuries (which I don't even think of as luxuries, toys, regular meals out even if only cheapy ones, constant activities, frequent holidays abroad) their children and definitely their grandchildren enjoy.

It's easy to say "I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living" but only compare the negatives.

I kind of get the resentment, especially if they aren't generous.

MIL & FIL are multi millionaires. They have 8 properties, 3 cars. They live in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. They take about 4 long haul holidays a year - always in business class (of course).

Whilst DH and I are ok for money, our SIL (so their daughter) is really, really poor. She lives in a really rough street, where there are junkies and drug dealers. She can't afford to put the heating on, even in winter. She has 2 kids.

MIL and FIL have never given DH or SIL a penny. They think nothing of talking about their latest lavish holiday, or sports car purchase, or eye wateringly expensive meal out at a Michelin star establishment.

I think that's what rankles. If they were generous, and helped their kids, it might be a different story. What makes it even worse, is that FIL was gifted a property and a thriving business by his parents when they were alive, and then inherited when they died. So they know how life changing a gift of money can be. But they still choose to hoard it all to themselves. They don't even offer to pay on the very rare occasion we go out for a meal. Me and DH pay for SIL. And sometimes we pay for them too! Gaaaah.

My parents lived through the years of rationing after WW11
They bought their property, no central heating & coal fire in the lounge.
My father retired aged early 60s

I retired at 54, so I have actually done better !

So it is not all doom & gloom

My father has an excellent final salary pension; my mother also has a final salary pension. These plus state pension has meant they can continue to save money.

When exactly did you not need a deposit to buy a house? Me and DH bought our first house in 1980 and we certainly needed a deposit.

Also I don't know anyone who got a 100% mortgage and it certainly was not true that you could get 3.5 times both salaries.

Yes

Mostly because drinking habits changed and pubs became amalgamated, brewery monopolies took over. It's not about prices in isolation. Societal changes have wreaked havoc on pubs as well as the rag of the average high street

@mydogisthebest you really haven't heard of 100% mortgages?

More fool you then.
Why not just go NC and then you don't even have to think about it any more?

I'm a big believer in NC when family relationships get toxic or jealousies and judgments.
So much more peaceful when you don't know what the hell is going on.

Life's too short, can't be assed.

My parents got a 90% interest only one, don't think that's allowed these days either.

Oh you blew it 😃

Low skilled, cashier

Not academics or public sector

You should have done more research

Who do you write for?

Maybe it was her escape fund if things went badly with her husband? Ot's a shame she didn't help you out though when you needed it.

This.

boo hoo OP

I hear you. My own folks are similar, bought a house for £1500 in the 1960s now worth around 350k. Retired early, great pensions absolutely no money worries at all.

They like to talk about how they had it hard. And in some ways, I dont doubt that life was different and hard at times. Yes, I might eat more takeaways, my kids might have more toys and clothes than I did growing up.

BUT, no amount of reducing takeaways or clothes/toys for my kids will ever equate to me being able to afford a deposit on a 350k house as a first time buyer on one wage doing a "normal" blue collar working class job, as they were able to do. Nor will I be able to retire 10 years early on a final salary pension.

I dont resent them for it, they did work hard. But I do resent any implication that millennials or Gen Z can't get on the property ladder because they arent working hard enough. The opportunity Boomers and early Gen X had won't come again, especially for housing and pensions.

Surely it wasn't them it was different governments we've had Thatcher letting people biy council.houses and Gordon Brown raiding the pension funds.

Just became YOU didn’t know anyone who did this it was very common in Scotland between 1980 - 1987. Mostly from the Bank of Scotland. Your response is incredibly rude btw, simply because YOU have never heard of it doesn’t mean to say it didn’t happen. Good grief what a nasty, un called for response. And YES a lot of lenders did a 3.5 x salaries and many still do!

Many high-street lenders, including major banks and building societies like NatWest and Halifax, will offer mortgages at 3.5 times salary or more, provided you meet their criteria. Lenders such as Santander, Barclays, and HSBC can offer up to 5.5 times your income in specific circumstances.However, the maximum amount you can borrow depends on a full affordability assessment, which considers your income, expenses, credit history, and deposit size.

Lenders Offering 3.5x Salary and Above
High-Street Lenders:
Most high-street lenders, including NatWest and Clydesdale Bank, will consider multiples of 3x your salary or more, making a 3.5x multiplier a common option.

Specialist Lenders:
Lenders like The Teachers Building Society also offer this level of borrowing.

Larger Lenders:
Banks like Halifax, Santander, and Barclays are known to offer significantly higher multiples, up to 5.5 times salary in certain situations.

Lenders with Comprehensive Affordability Checks:
Banks like HSBC and Together use a broader set of criteria for affordability, which may allow for higher borrowing multiples.

Christ, how nasty. You feel this way about your own parents? The people who loved you, took care of you and put a roof over your head? 😱

They had no control over the economic policies in place when they were young, but you’re pissed off that they still managed to do ok?

No doubt you’d be complaining what a worry it is for you if they’d reached this age and weren’t well off, were barely eking out an existence and couldn’t afford to treat their grandchildren.

Or perhaps you hope they’ll shuffle off sometime soon and you can get your hands on all the money that they earned, but you deserve, just because.

I can remember 100 percent deposits in the 80s -90s and early 2000s
You could also self certify back then if you were self employed

Here I am telling my parents to "spend ALL of their money, like it's going out of fashion". OP needs to " tend her own garden"

Thank you, they were quite common