To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

My late parents bought there house for 8k back in the mid 70s
when they passed it sold for over 450k
They left half the house to my son who was able to buy pretty much his and his partners forever home

they are both on average wages 30k & 40k but they have a better lifestyle than most of there friends because of inheritance and no kids

But people basically have to wait for someone to die and hope they inherit 😂

I had a council house which I bought for 55k under the right to buy

its probably worth 350 so if I don’t end up in a care home my DS will get that as well

Im still very generous with him and his partner bunging him extra cash every few months and paying for holidays with me

plus he is due an inheritance from his dads late parents as well shortly

Also typical boomers blame this generation for drinking a Costa or having the odd meal out.
I clearly remember all of my childhood friends in the 80s having holidays or sitting in beer garden with a lemonade while their parents were in the pub. A lot of that generation have very short memories

Erm because mortgage and wrap-around childcare. We live in London. Houses are extortionate.

So want would you have wanted them to do when they were younger, think "oh no we'd better not buy a house because younger generations won't be able to and that's not fair on them"?
It's pointless blaming the older generation for the younger ones not being able to buy their own home, it's not like there was a crystal ball that the "boomers" ( I detest that term btw), knew what was going to happen decades after they bought their home, so why blame them?

We’ve ended up in a (mostly) top-heavy society and it is absolutely unfair. People with young families need more money and bigger houses than elderly couples.

Even 50k wouldn’t be enough deposit in a lot of areas :(

And even fixer uppers these days you need to have tons of time and skills (or the time to learn skills)and do it all yourself to just break even in comparison to buying a ‘done house’. Get paid people in to do anything and it will end up costing even more than done house.

Also I'm a boomer as are a lot of my friends, and not one of us wants that. We all despair at the problems that our adult kids have re housing. Like every other generation we wanted our kids to have lives that were improvements on ours.

Yes, they are able to buy things that we couldn't afford, and eat out and have holidays. But housing is fundamental, and our of reach of so many.

I can't believe that there are any boomers outside some weird outliers, who want their kids to do less well then them.

Are you sure of your figures, OP?
Two people are living on a single pension from a low-paid job, paying utility, council tax and repair bills for what must be quite a large house if it is worth 800K, and they still have 1K per month to spare for savings?

It doesn't sound possible. Neither does saving 200K from their earnings.

This

Inlaws are absolutely oblivious to how different things are today.

My mum was born just as the war was ending.

she grew up cold and hungry and one of the things she wanted to make sure was that we as kids always had enough to eat and could afford heating.

she got a place at a grammar school but parents couldn’t afford the uniform so she didn’t go. She’s absolutely bright enough for uni but started work at 16.

she was paid badly (no equal pay for women until 1974) and sexual harassment was standard.

i wouldn’t swop her life for mine.

I’m slightly younger and wondered this

You can't call who will and won't without a crystal ball. After a certain age people can decline quickly and it become the right option for many

If you're both higher rate taxpayers, I wonder why you can only save £150 pm.

Fiscal drag & wage stagnation

Double posted, deleted

So you're not happy for your parents then, OP?

If you were my DD and I found out you resented me, I would go NC.

I’ll admit to not reading the full thread, OP. I just wanted to urge you not to be disheartened OP. I presume that you can be no older than your early 30s. Most people, including your parents generation didn’t build up pensions or housing equity by then. It’s normal to struggle and pay in and not to start seeing progress until your late40s.

You cannot compare yourself to your parents in thrir late 50s, so yourself in your late 20s/early 30s. You are missing 20 years of wealth accumulation that is still in front of you.

So many people don't realise that care homes will drain their inheritance very quickly. Especially, God forbid, their parents end up with something like dementia and end up in a care home for several years. My grandfather spent seven years in a care home due to dementia.

Inheritance is a complete lottery. I'm 69 and have never had one. Both sets of grandparents and both sets of parents ended up with every penny going to care.

My closest friends have had three large inheritances. Both only children of parents who died after short illnesses, one also inherited from a single aunt.

I could resent that, but it's pointless. I'm helping my adult children now, because it would break my heart for all the money that my late husband saved so hard for, to end up paying for care.

To be fair, if all their money is in the value of their house, it may not be possible. And the house may be needed to pay for social care later on.
I have no axe to grind here, BTW, I have no kids.

but of course I can swap an expensive coffee for free University, decent schooling the expectation that 1 income would buy a decent family home and don’t forget the pensions.

Boomers had an awful lot and pulled the ladder up behind themselves ie actively removed the things they had from future generations because they didn’t want to pay for them

it is also characteristic of boomers that they are completely unable to see a different view.

you can scream ‘not true wah Wah’ all you like but that is their legacy and that is how the world is going to remember them

The maternity rights pay etc all came later and being frugal was the war generation.

I’m as frugal as can be can’t afford to buy a 2 bed semi on classic salary multiples where I was born!

I understand where you're coming from, I don't resent my parents, they've worked really hard their whole theirs but our circumstances are just so different. They bought a 3-bedroom house in 1990 for £35,000 which is now worth over £600k. They have a lot of savings + a large inheritance from my mums parents. They absolutely deserve nice holidays and to enjoy their lives.

My circumstances are very different, I have a shared ownership flat which I have a 70% share in. I also had a period of unemployment last year following a job redundancy and have been working really hard to clear arrears/debt from that period.

I have a spreadsheet tracking my income/outgoings but after everythings been paid I hardly have any money left over, maybe £50 for socialising/lunches out/treats/any travel expenses outside of commuting to work. I have 29 years of a 35 year mortgage left and I just see no good future ahead really.

It is crazy the difference in house prices and affordability of life. But also it’s important for them to enjoy their money.
God forbid care home fees have to be paid in older age and trust me it doesn’t go very far. Like £4-£5k A MONTH soon takes the cash.

You know, this rings really true. My mam was born in 1941 & was so bright, but university wasn't an option. She married at 17, baby by 18- then number 5 (me) 12 years later. She was amazing, swore her children, especially her 3 girls, would have the opportunities she didn't. She must have been sp frustrated.

I'm GenX at 53 ; have had it relatively easy: parents afforded me to go to uni; bought a flat at 24 for £35K on 95% mortgage; have upgraded until large house I've been in almost 19 years. I was able to afford the mortgage even as a single mother with maintenance. I've managed to save some so my boys both had a chunk at 18 - which they've invested whilst they're at uni. Not huge amounts, but enough to start a deposit. I had a tiny inheritance which is in the bank for a rainy day. But I was able to do this on a teacher's salary. It's not do-able these days.

I feel so sorry for so many younger people. Trying to get on the housing ladder whilst paying huge rent is soul destroying. My nephew has only bought with huge help from my brother. Other nieces & nephews have only managed as they have partners & work long hours. It's really shit.

DH and I are on the tail end of the boomers and are aware that we are very lucky although we missed some of the advantages people associate with that generation e.g. property boomed just ahead of our first purchase so we struggled to get on the ladder and played a lot of catch up. It was still easier than today though so we do try to help our family out and we have to be aware that there has always been both generational and regional differences.

We have both recently retired from "professions" yet don't have nearly as much in property values because we live in the North. Should I resent people from the South because they have more unearned income?

Our parents are now in their 90s and, despite not being in jobs as professional as ours, have accrued far more via investments plus DM has had over 20 years of full state pension despite never working after marriage . Should I resent them as my investments don't perform as well and I am still waiting for my pension at 65?

On the other hand my grandmother lost 2 of the 4 babies she birthed in their infancy, DM and MIL lost 1 each, I still have all of mine and all of my GCs. I prefer that to money in all honesty.

This all this. My mum loves to tell me “they worked so hard”. Rather than they were born at the right time and the place. My husband and l work way harder, plus are better qualified. I think my mum thinks it’s our budgeting and it really isn’t. We have 1 secondhand car, 1 holiday a year, heating barely on, and food that’s Aldi / Lidl / yellow sticker. In contrast my mum was part time for an eternity they had a brand new car every 2-3 years, 2 holidays a year etc