Page 20 | I've just seen the most depressing thing

Havesomecommonsense · 2025-08-26T09:48:33+00:00

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old) He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head.. He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

Nantescalling · 31/08/2025 14:57

StillFeelingTired · 26/08/2025 11:56

and your dd would be quite right to tell you to fuck off. You have parented your children and you have no right to tell your dd how to parent hers. Don’t be so fucking smug.

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Wish your Grandma had taught you not to be so rude - it's obvious your Mum didn't.

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 15:21

Nantescalling · 31/08/2025 14:57

Wish your Grandma had taught you not to be so rude - it's obvious your Mum didn't.

Edited

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Is it only the females of families that can teach kids not to be rude

Original poster

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 16:49

Oh bless you @Anchorage56
Take everything on here with a pinch of salt.
People speak in generalisations don't they

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Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 17:00

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 16:49

Oh bless you @Anchorage56
Take everything on here with a pinch of salt.
People speak in generalisations don't they

😆 what you on about now?

Petitchat · 31/08/2025 17:23

Jesslovesengineering · 31/08/2025 13:54

That's a low blow. I'm 2 years out of 19 years of domestic abuse, which I fell into because horrendous childhood abuse had convinced me there was something wrong with me. Despite this, I did see red flags but he pretended to be a kindred spirit, inventing his own abuse history to disarm me and explain away the red flag behaviours, before spending the next decade systematically destroying my confidence, finances and isolating me from any support I had. I speak from bitter experience having taught me, finally, to trust my gut, and being able to see, when I had our son 14 years into our relationship, that we deserved better than that POS.

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Wasn't meant to be a low blow. I was just pointing out that your generalisation of people recognising the signs hadn't worked in your case.

I'm the same as you. Abusive childhood, then 16 years of abusive marriage.
Managed to get out with the help of counselling.

Jesslovesengineering · 31/08/2025 17:29

cottoncandy260 · 30/08/2025 20:20

THIS. In a nutshell.

What some parents are failing to realise is the lack of social skills these kids are going forward with. You are seriously hindering their development.

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Ever pause to consider that at least some of these kids have autism and / or ADHD, like mine does? A device is the only way I can reduce overwhelming stimulus when out and about, distract him enough to get him to eat or stop his manic behaviour drawing stares and tuts from judgy people like you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Jesslovesengineering · 31/08/2025 17:46

T1Dmama · 28/08/2025 11:32

It’s really sad @Havesomecommonsense .. I was in costa coffee yesterday and a mum was sat in there with her 2 children, the baby (under 18 months I’d guess) was watching an iPad.. it was age appropriate content BUT I really don’t think watching flashing screens is good for brain development… and I personally think in the not distant future the amount of children now with ADHD will be blamed on over stimulation by tech at young crucial development stages!

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Wow. The ignorance. You clearly know nothing about neurodivergence. This is so offensive.

Original poster

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 18:02

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 17:00

😆 what you on about now?

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You talking to the Pp and thinking only women can do the discipline when she was actually referring to a Pp as well
It can be confusing, don't worry 😉

OP posts:

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 18:20

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 18:02

You talking to the Pp and thinking only women can do the discipline when she was actually referring to a Pp as well
It can be confusing, don't worry 😉

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No that's not what happened there 😆

Original poster

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 18:22

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 18:20

No that's not what happened there 😆

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Righto

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Jesslovesengineering · 31/08/2025 18:22

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 30/08/2025 20:10

What I find really odd is people getting tablets or phones out to “entertain” their kids when they’re out and doing something. Being out is the entertainment in itself.

I only give my kids screens when I genuinely need to get something important done (e.g force toddler into car for dentist appointment we’re about to miss!) or have a proper breather. Otherwise, they happily go off and play independently for hours- because we haven’t relied on screens from the start.

When we’re out for a meal as a family, I actually want their presence, not their blank faces staring at a device. Yes, it’s hard work at first- when they’re 2 for example- but my 3yo has now learned (albeit with a bit of colouring and entertaining from me) how to sit and chat and be a present part of the group. My older children can sit, make conversation, ask questions, listen, look around the room, be aware. How do people think kids develop these skills?

If we keep over-relying on screens, we’re going to have a generation of adults who can’t sit for any length of time without over-the-top stimulus- or at the very least who have awful table manners and poor conversation skills because they’ve never learned how to be genuinely present with people. It is depressing!

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Let me preface this by saying I absolutely think no child under the age of 10, minimum, has any business having access to a mobile phone, much less Instagram.

That said, I'm not trashing all devices. Ever pause to consider that at least some of these kids have autism and / or ADHD, like mine does? In our case, being out IS NOT the entertainment. Being out is really hard because he has serious eating issues. Eating out is something I occasionally need for a little respite from raising him alone with no help from anyone. One set of grandparents dead, the other too busy living their best retirement life and focusing on his neurotypical cousin. Eating out is also something that friends and family assume we can easily do and my choice is to go and try to not let him spoil it for everyone or let the stimulus spoil it for him or not go and be even more isolated. He's not AuDHD because he uses a device. He was already on the pathway to diagnosis before his grandparents bought him a tablet (which was actually a godsend). I've known there was something since he was a few weeks old.

A device is the only way I can reduce overwhelming stimulus when out and about, distract him enough to get him to eat or stop his manic behaviour drawing stares and tuts from judgy people like you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

you're

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Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 18:33

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 18:29

you're

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You really do crack me up. But seriously are you going to stake out that cafe each week to see if they return or see who else you can spy on and watch THERE every move??

Original poster

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 18:34

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 18:33

You really do crack me up. But seriously are you going to stake out that cafe each week to see if they return or see who else you can spy on and watch THERE every move??

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Lol what you on about now

their

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Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 18:46

Honestly what a belter 😆

RhaenysRocks · 31/08/2025 19:12

Jesslovesengineering · 31/08/2025 18:22

Let me preface this by saying I absolutely think no child under the age of 10, minimum, has any business having access to a mobile phone, much less Instagram.

That said, I'm not trashing all devices. Ever pause to consider that at least some of these kids have autism and / or ADHD, like mine does? In our case, being out IS NOT the entertainment. Being out is really hard because he has serious eating issues. Eating out is something I occasionally need for a little respite from raising him alone with no help from anyone. One set of grandparents dead, the other too busy living their best retirement life and focusing on his neurotypical cousin. Eating out is also something that friends and family assume we can easily do and my choice is to go and try to not let him spoil it for everyone or let the stimulus spoil it for him or not go and be even more isolated. He's not AuDHD because he uses a device. He was already on the pathway to diagnosis before his grandparents bought him a tablet (which was actually a godsend). I've known there was something since he was a few weeks old.

A device is the only way I can reduce overwhelming stimulus when out and about, distract him enough to get him to eat or stop his manic behaviour drawing stares and tuts from judgy people like you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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I think (or would hope by now) that most people do understand that in any given individual case that may be true. But really, I think we've moved away from a discussion of this particular instance to a more general discussion. Outwith SEN, "snapshot" and emergency emails situations, can we at least agree that overuse of screens for NT young kids, plus parents being disengaged and unavailable due to their ever present and addictive nature is absolutely on the rise and leading to increasingly difficult behaviour when screens are not allowed..eg school, a formal service or setting.

Teachers like me are finding it harder to get children of all ages to engage in anything longer than a five minute clip or a couple of written sentences. Sustained focus and attention even for A level students is getting worse. Whilst obviously mindful of exceptional circumstances and need, unless we actually start being upfront about this and not leaping to "what about x" every time this gets discussed as a defense mechanism, we are sleepwalking a generation into massive problems...but hey it's ok, they can just use AI to do the reading for them, hand in an essay they've neither written nor read then wonder why their GCSEs are a disaster.

RhaenysRocks · 31/08/2025 19:14

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 18:46

Honestly what a belter 😆

I'm really not sure why you're trying to be so unpleasant to the OP. She's been measured and polite and tried to keep the discussion focused. You're just trying to pick a fight or entertain yourself or something...not quite sure what purpose it serves.

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 31/08/2025 19:48

Jesslovesengineering · 31/08/2025 18:22

Let me preface this by saying I absolutely think no child under the age of 10, minimum, has any business having access to a mobile phone, much less Instagram.

That said, I'm not trashing all devices. Ever pause to consider that at least some of these kids have autism and / or ADHD, like mine does? In our case, being out IS NOT the entertainment. Being out is really hard because he has serious eating issues. Eating out is something I occasionally need for a little respite from raising him alone with no help from anyone. One set of grandparents dead, the other too busy living their best retirement life and focusing on his neurotypical cousin. Eating out is also something that friends and family assume we can easily do and my choice is to go and try to not let him spoil it for everyone or let the stimulus spoil it for him or not go and be even more isolated. He's not AuDHD because he uses a device. He was already on the pathway to diagnosis before his grandparents bought him a tablet (which was actually a godsend). I've known there was something since he was a few weeks old.

A device is the only way I can reduce overwhelming stimulus when out and about, distract him enough to get him to eat or stop his manic behaviour drawing stares and tuts from judgy people like you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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I completely agree and I should have prefaced what I wrote as only applying to neurotypical children. I have in-depth experience and knowledge of neurodiverse children so I understand. My nephew is AuDHD and we’ve had full on criticism from other diners thrown at us before, so I know what that feels like.

However I know people who definitely have completely neurotypical kids, who will shove them on devices when they’re out for a meal. I do judge them.

RhaenysRocks · 31/08/2025 20:12

@Wedonttalkaboutboris it's ok, I do get it. My DS is also AuADHD . He's actually ok at restaurants but at family gatherings he can only do so long then he gets to and sit in a corner with a phone or similar..much to the disapproval of various relatives who don't get it.

Original poster

Havesomecommonsense · 31/08/2025 20:14

Yeah I also get the ND thing but I think screen use in NT kids is up significantly and a worry

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Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 22:16

RhaenysRocks · 31/08/2025 19:14

I'm really not sure why you're trying to be so unpleasant to the OP. She's been measured and polite and tried to keep the discussion focused. You're just trying to pick a fight or entertain yourself or something...not quite sure what purpose it serves.

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We have been back and forth over several pages. Takes two to tango. I do reply and so does she hence the ongoing.

RhaenysRocks · 31/08/2025 22:39

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 22:16

We have been back and forth over several pages. Takes two to tango. I do reply and so does she hence the ongoing.

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Nah..you've been baiting her, trying to undermine her argument and pull irrelevant personal info from her . She's maintained her position and account from P1. It's totally irrelevant actually if her particular anecdote is true or not. It serves to illustrate and catalyse an important discussion, which you seem to want to derail for your own amusement.

Petitchat · 31/08/2025 23:18

Anchorage56 · 31/08/2025 22:16

We have been back and forth over several pages. Takes two to tango. I do reply and so does she hence the ongoing.

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But what is it you actually wish to discuss?
I don't understand......

Original poster

Havesomecommonsense · 01/09/2025 05:39

Me neither. I think the conversation is a useful one to have. I have noticed that MN has been more full of the people who come on threads to attack posters or pick apart their posts to try and quiet them down/derail the thread. Unsure why.

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