I've just seen the most depressing thing

[Havesomecommonsense]

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old)
He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum
He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head..
He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her
Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

Yes I think because more work places give work phones, but also you can have family device plans now which mean you don't need to only have one phone at a time.
Several of my friends or family have a couple of phones. Nothing nefarious, just as mentioned

I know kids today are getting their own phones at younger and younger ages but to have your own smart phone and Instagram at 3, wow!

It was her dads phone. He had two. He gave her one to keep her occupied. It was instagram stories all along the top where you swipe through

Your experience is completely different to mine. Not something I’ve found as common at all.

Like I said earlier- this guy carries around 2 smart phones, one for his 3 year old to use. So a separate phone for his 3 year old.

🤷‍♀️

I do have kids in secondary school, that's how I know what you're stating in not true. It's not opinion, it's fact. Schools inform parents, not children. My DCs secondary school has never once sent them communication to their phones in any way, shape or form. There's no way any school would expect children to organise their school life and just 'inform the parents'. I'll repeat it again, it would be utter carnage. How many pupils would forget to inform the parents, organise money etc. It doesn't happen. They may give them information to tell parents but this is always followed up with communication to the parents. Fact.

I agree

Is your DD 4 and “Parenting” a doll. 🤣. Surely no one is that controlling with a fully fledged adult, are they

It’s really sad @Havesomecommonsense .. I was in costa coffee yesterday and a mum was sat in there with her 2 children, the baby (under 18 months I’d guess) was watching an iPad.. it was age appropriate content BUT I really don’t think watching flashing screens is good for brain development… and I personally think in the not distant future the amount of children now with ADHD will be blamed on over stimulation by tech at young crucial development stages!

I just spent a good part of my first INSET day listening to the usual safeguarding stuff..more and more of it is devoted to phone / internet related stuff every year. Everything from direct threats of cyber stalking and bullying, sextortion, upskirting, AI generated nudes, porn exposure (average first age is ten) to the less direct ones of addiction to dopamine, impact on focus etc. Anyone who thinks this is just pearl-clutching might want to look at some of the latest statistics.
There's a world of difference between using tech and apps to access Teams etc and allowing unfettered access to SM and internet.

We've had training about recent research into eye decelopment and depth perception in children who have a lot of screen time

It feels like teachers are the canaries in the mine.

Well yes but apparently there's a fair swathe of the population that doesn't want to hear it, given the vitriol thrown at the OP for raising the issue.

There was a post here earlier about a person not wanting to give her DD a phone and wanting advice about her DD settling into seniors… the amount of people saying she should get her 11/12 year old a phone and it’s her fault her DD is bullied etc… awful!
wish more parents said no to their kids… wouldn’t be so many horrible teens around

What's interesting about this is my local school trialled a total phone ban. It was for a set period and then votes were taken, the kids voted to not have phones back. I think adults are more addicted

Absolutely agree with you.

To hopefully cheer everyone up...I was walking home from my weekly swim and went my usual route past open fields used as parkland. There was a dad and daughter and dog ALL playing football together...all passing the ball to each other ,all giggling , dog barking intermittently , all taking it in turns to kick the ball and pass it to each other ...the dog obviously just pushing it with his nose but ALL having their turn at the football . Brought a big smile to my face

Yep, the 3 year old was definitely checking her homework on Instagram.

Completely agree with you. I really don’t care if it’s a snapshot, it’s still a shit way to occupy your child.

I saw very similar recently. A mum, dad and grandmother going to lunch with an 18 month old and a boy of about 4. In the hour that we were there, the parents and grandmother said barely two words to the boy. They just gave him an ipad and he gawked at that the whole time. He didn’t even put it away to eat. Just shovelled food into his mouth while watching a video. I saw all I needed to see in that ‘snapshot’. These adults weren’t stressed or trying to negotiate some important business meeting- they were all just out for a leisurely lunch (in fact it was actually Mothers Day if I recall) and the children should absolutely be included properly in this interaction. Teach them to eat in a restaurant properly. Screens away. End of.

I have seen this and it does look sad. I dont like it but as long as they arent eating out regularly. Young kids and restaurants dont really mix anyway.

I have children and I completely and utterly agree with everything OP says. It’s shit parenting.

And, just for balance, no I’m not a perfect parent. No one is. But there are little things you can do to make yourself a ‘good enough’ one. Engaging with your child on some level while in a cafe is one of them.

What I find really odd is people getting tablets or phones out to “entertain” their kids when they’re out and doing something. Being out is the entertainment in itself.

I only give my kids screens when I genuinely need to get something important done (e.g force toddler into car for dentist appointment we’re about to miss!) or have a proper breather. Otherwise, they happily go off and play independently for hours- because we haven’t relied on screens from the start.

When we’re out for a meal as a family, I actually want their presence, not their blank faces staring at a device. Yes, it’s hard work at first- when they’re 2 for example- but my 3yo has now learned (albeit with a bit of colouring and entertaining from me) how to sit and chat and be a present part of the group. My older children can sit, make conversation, ask questions, listen, look around the room, be aware. How do people think kids develop these skills?

If we keep over-relying on screens, we’re going to have a generation of adults who can’t sit for any length of time without over-the-top stimulus- or at the very least who have awful table manners and poor conversation skills because they’ve never learned how to be genuinely present with people. It is depressing!

I also can honestly say I’m not an incredible parent- very average and also lazy at times. In fact my kids have probably learned to play independently because I’m crap at playing and will do virtually anything to get out of it. But I don’t let them sit and brain rot in front of instagram reels/shorts and I wouldn’t ignore them for 30 minutes in a cafe while they were gagging on their food. If that’s what he does out with her in public (for his precious once a week contact time) I applaud the mother for leaving him.

WTF’s wrong with I Spy? What do you do with your kids to pass the time when waiting (aside from sticking them on a sodding screen?) discuss Love Island?