Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Territorial dispute in swimming pool

487 replies

tamade · 26/08/2025 06:54

I am lucky enough to have a proper lunch break and at least three times a week I go to a nearby hotel and swim a mile, sometimes 2km.

Today I was alone in the pool and started swimming in lane two (of four) which is one lane away from the side closest to the changing rooms entrance. About 30 min later a man got in and stated to swim in lane 1. Five minutes after that he changed into my lane. I caught up with him at the far end and when he turned he looked at me swimming toward him and seemed surprised (surprised I hadn't moved lanes?). He then kicked off the wall and swam beneath me and under the lane divider into lane three. Not long after I finished up and went to get changed. Before exiting I looked back and sure enough he had moved back into lane two, which I presume is "his". And based on that I believe that he was trying to claim lane 2 when he initially moved in.

He is another regular I have seen him coming as I am going although we don't usually use the pool at the same time.

I think this is knobish behaviour

OP posts:
CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 31/08/2025 04:59

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 30/08/2025 20:44

Oh boo hoo, the poor mens 😭 they're so hard done by. It's a womans world after all 🙄

Or here's a thought, maybe if men started to act with respect and empathy towards women instead of misogyny, sexism and hatred we wouldn't need to call them out on their behaviour.

Show quote history

Well, that was a remarkably balanced argument.

The problem here is that this thread (and others I've read recently) are not calling them out on their actual behaviour.

They're being tried for their perceived behaviour as reported by an OP and then usually wildly extrapolated by other women on the thread. And always found guilty. And this thread is particularly egregious since it looks like OP was the intransigent one and not the man.

Here's a thought experiment.

Try replacing man in this thread (or your final paragraph) with "person of colour" and see how terribly 1950's the conversation sounds.

And here's another.

Try suggesting that there should be some men-only sessions in the pool (so they can be splashy and performative) and listen to the outrage (like you just posted) of how men have everything. Every pool i know has at least one women-only session (often to accommodate religious needs), and usually some OAP sessions. I see nothing that advantages men in these arrangements.

I dislike group-based vitriol.

We campaigned for decades to be seen as individuals, not just lumped into a group with some perceived demeaning characteristics. We enlisted men into that fight.

I dislike an equivalence such as "men=boorish,sexist,etc" just as much as I dislike any characterisation of women as petty, helpless, nagging, etc

YetYeti · 31/08/2025 06:14

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 30/08/2025 20:02

Lane 1 is horrid to swim in - it's against a wall (which makes a difference) and people get in and out there. It's usually used by weaker swimmers, often breaststrokers.

Lane 2 through 4 get progressively quicker.

He went into lane 2 out of habit (since it seems it's his kinda speed).

She caught up with him so she's probably lane 3 speed. He probably thought she'd jump into Lane 3 since she's faster and he won't want to duck into Lane 1 (it's still horrid).

She didn't move (being of a territorial mindset, as per OP), so he moved.

He swam under her rather than across her - it's not exactly complicated. Swimming across lanes and lifting float-ropes over your head is annoying, often scratches, and is slow.

She left, he did the good thing of returning to a lane that he reckons is more his speed than Lane 3 where he holds people up.

Seems he was more reasonable than her if you ask me.

Show quote history

You had to do some impressive gymnastics there to come up with how it’s all her fault. All that to put her in the wrong vs the notion of the man behaving in less than a stellar inconsiderate manner.

ConnieHeart · 31/08/2025 09:15

rwalker · 29/08/2025 07:35

with 3 lanes you’d presume slow med and fast
he got in at the side went to medium lane but was faster than OP ( he caught her up ) then ducted under rope to fast lane
when OP got he went back to medium lane

a lot of people are just arseholes when it comes to swimming lanes you go in the lane relevant to your ability rather than which one you fancy

Read the OP again. She caught him up

rwalker · 31/08/2025 09:31

Ahh misunderstood
so he dipped under rope and went into next lane rather than expecting OP because she was faster

Original poster
tamade · 31/08/2025 12:24

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 30/08/2025 20:02

Lane 1 is horrid to swim in - it's against a wall (which makes a difference) and people get in and out there. It's usually used by weaker swimmers, often breaststrokers.

Lane 2 through 4 get progressively quicker.

He went into lane 2 out of habit (since it seems it's his kinda speed).

She caught up with him so she's probably lane 3 speed. He probably thought she'd jump into Lane 3 since she's faster and he won't want to duck into Lane 1 (it's still horrid).

She didn't move (being of a territorial mindset, as per OP), so he moved.

He swam under her rather than across her - it's not exactly complicated. Swimming across lanes and lifting float-ropes over your head is annoying, often scratches, and is slow.

She left, he did the good thing of returning to a lane that he reckons is more his speed than Lane 3 where he holds people up.

Seems he was more reasonable than her if you ask me.

Show quote history

I’m probably going to be accused of being too invested, and maybe I am. But you and many others don’t seem to have grasped that it wasn’t a lane swimming session, just an almost empty pool with some lanes and fewer people than lanes. Here’s a diagram

Territorial dispute in swimming pool
OP posts:
GleisZwei · 31/08/2025 14:14

tamade · 31/08/2025 12:24

I’m probably going to be accused of being too invested, and maybe I am. But you and many others don’t seem to have grasped that it wasn’t a lane swimming session, just an almost empty pool with some lanes and fewer people than lanes. Here’s a diagram

Show quote history

Were there lane ropes in or just lanes marked out on the pool floor?

TheLilacLeader · 31/08/2025 14:35

It happens on roads all day long!

Original poster
tamade · 31/08/2025 14:42

GleisZwei · 31/08/2025 14:14

Were there lane ropes in or just lanes marked out on the pool floor?

Show quote history

Lane ropes/floats installed

OP posts:
RochelleLaBelle · 31/08/2025 14:56

I would have said a bad word to him.
Childish but 😉 enjoyable

GleisZwei · 31/08/2025 14:56

tamade · 31/08/2025 14:42

Lane ropes/floats installed

Show quote history

So why wouldn't you consider that lane swimming?

RochelleLaBelle · 31/08/2025 14:56

I would have said a bad word to him.
Childish but 😉 enjoyable

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 31/08/2025 22:08

YetYeti · 31/08/2025 06:14

You had to do some impressive gymnastics there to come up with how it’s all her fault. All that to put her in the wrong vs the notion of the man behaving in less than a stellar inconsiderate manner.

Show quote history

Sheesh.

I'm not doing any mental gymnastics. I'm just looking at it as a problem and can see a perfectly logical explanation for his lane selection.

I swim a lot and I'm guessing I'm more familiar with Lane swimming than many here.

It would be what I would do in that situation

The OP and PP are coming up with theories of harassment, misogyny etc to explain his behaviour.

Why are they any more valid?
Is it not permitted to have a differing opinion these days?
Must I always take the side of the OP?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page