Plane seats - refused to swap

[Annoyed321]

please bear with me, I really need to vent but I need advice too.

Holiday with DH, 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. Our seats were allocated away from each other. Not even on same aisle literally scattered on different parts of the plane. DH books and sorts checking in and I don’t usually get involved. He tried to apparently check in 24 hours before the flight but there was an error (he didn’t tell me), he was unable to check in and was advised online chat to see a member of staff at airport when we were flying, we get to check in on day of flight and lady says she can’t sit us together. I pleaded with her to at least let there be one of us sat with each child, no problem about all 4 of us sitting together.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

I got very emotional as my 5 year old was crying about not sitting next to me DH as usual was unbothered and was just standing around looking unfazed. I’m really embarrassed about my reaction but he said it’s fine and I said it’s not fine “I’m not having my kids sat in between strangers”. It wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making out as it was over very quickly as the cabin crew we spoke to on boarding were able to allocate 2 seats together. Myself and my 5 year old took it and DH sat 2 rows In front of DD who was sat inbetween 2 men, DH was also sat between 2 guys so made no difference where I put her.

I was upset the entire flight and kept asking DH to keep an eye on DD, DH kept rolling his eyes and ignoring me. I felt like a bad mother leaving my child sat there with strangers. I feel embarrassed incase anyone videoed me at the start asking/pleading with people to please swap seats to allow me to sit next to my 2 kids. I only asked about 2 people and they avoided eye contact and ignored me, again I get it.

advice: DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child! So I need advice please how can I make sure I am sat next to my kids on flight back home? I will need a booking reference I know which I will have to keep asking him for but the holiday was booked via Expedia and I think that’s what messed up when was trying to check in online 24 hours before. How can I check in if flights were booked with Expedia? I will call them if he doesn’t share booking ref but I doubt they will speak to me due to data protection. Any advice please?

Please be kind and don’t make me feel worse than I feel. Can anyone at least relate with me about how upset I was about DD sat alone? I am a survivor of childhood SA so my feelings might be out of place but I also read a news article literally a few days before flight if a 15 year old girl getting assaulted by a fellow passenger during a flight do these things do happen.

I think as we had been sitting with doors closed waiting to leave for 20 minutes, she felt she had no choice. As was no doubt the intention of the cabin crew. The whole plane was watching.

His kids were totally nonplussed, just standing saying someone will move. Clearly normal business for them.

Yes, it does sound as though as a single female she was targeted.

I think that as there's more and more aggro about this the airlines will need to do something about it.
I think that anyone travelling with a child under say 12, should be allocated seats next to the child at the point of booking. If they don't pay they don't get to choose but they should be given seats together at that point and those seats blocked out on the seat map so that others can't choose them. I don't suppose the airlines would like that though because they would lose out on money from families paying to sit together if everyone knows as soon as you book you'll be allocated seats next to each other. However, it is a safety and safeguarding issue having small children separated from their parents.

I also think (and I got pasted on here once for saying this) that in many theatres or concert halls, you can't book seats leaving one free space, eg. if Row B seats A, B, C and D are free and E, F booked, the system won't allow you to book B and C, leaving A and D as singles because couples might want to buy those seats later. Airlines should do similar and not allow couples to split up and take Window and Aisle in a particular row. The reason I got pasted on here is people saying they want the window and their husband wants the aisle. Ok, I can understand that, but what is happening more and more (and I've seen it on the flight I am taking later in the week) that lots of aisle seats are booked, lots of window seats are booked and lots of middles are free. It's one of these tiktok and social media hacks doing the rounds - book aisle and window and the middle is likely to remain free (obviously not true on full flights). It's a nuisance because families or others coming along later end up split up all over the place.
And yes, you can argue that people who are paying can choose which seats they want but it is causing an issue as more and more people are doing it.
Couples where one wants the window and one wants the aisle can choose seats in a separate row or for example 2A and 2D thereby leaving two pairs of two seats free.

I think as we had been sitting with doors closed waiting to leave for 20 minutes, she felt she had no choice. As was no doubt the intention of the cabin crew. The whole plane was watching.

They targeted the single woman. Of course, because she is always the least important person in any situation.

I think that anyone travelling with a child under say 12, should be allocated seats next to the child at the point of booking. If they don't pay they don't get to choose but they should be given seats together at that point and those seats blocked out on the seat map so that others can't choose them. I don't suppose the airlines would like that though because they would lose out on money from families paying to sit together if everyone knows as soon as you book you'll be allocated seats next to each other.

I think a lot of PPs on this thread are forgetting the revolution in cheap air travel made by RyanAir and others who followed suit.

They did it in two ways:

1. use of less used airports, often out of town (Weeze for Düsseldorf, for example) and off-peak take off and landing times
2. Stripping out all the things that used to come as standard: free seat choice, free checked in baggage, refreshments, paper tickets & boarding passes.

So, yes, have your family first policies, but be prepared to pay more. And thank you sooooo much for making air fares more expensive for us all!

I remember when you got an airline shoulder bag, and fillet steak in economy on long haul flights, but I've been doing very long flights regularly since the age of 7 ... (over 60 years) I even remember when British Airways and Qantas were decent airlines.

Not providing free drinks isn't dangerous. Sitting children away from their parents is. This practice should be banned at an industry wide level.

Yes, I understand that.
But it's a safety issue to have young children sitting away from their parents. And then people who have paid extra to choose their seat are pressurized into moving or simply moved to another seat at check in or at the gate. That is unfair. So something needs to be done to make sure children are automatically seated next to their parents.

And because she's likely to be embarrassed into saying yes.

My sister paid for extra leg room seats for her and my adult son earlier this year flying to the USA , when they boarded someone was sat in their seats and refused to move , the stewardess tried to make my sister sit elsewhere but she insisted that they get the head cabin crew person and that person made the interlopers move . My son has booked premium for his October flight because he doesn’t want a repeat when he’s flying on his own . People are CFs

I’d rather my flight was cancelled and I got to fly at a later time in the cabin class and in the extra legroom seats I’d booked and for which I had paid a significant additional amount, than be involuntarily downgraded at the gate for a 12 hour flight and fight my way through the refund process.

That's fair enough for a long haul unless there are commitments at home

I still feel salty about being rerouted through Atlanta and downgraded from business to economy on a night flight back home (never got any refund) but the alternative would have been an 18 hour layover in New York and an extra day before I could get home to my 11 month old baby so I just sucked it up.

It was the way it was done that really grated.

Online check in was down. Queue at the desks was huge because they had several desks for club and first and only two desks for everyone else. Boarding pass was only issued at the gate and they didn’t tell us we’d been downgraded - I realised when I looked at the pass.

Fortunately the Cabin Manager sorted things out for us, and put in a complaint on our behalf.

Airlines are not legally required to seat children with their parents in the UK, but guidelines from the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) strongly recommend that children are seated in the same or an adjacent row to an adult from their party, especially for emergency evacuations.

Maybe try pleasing this to the airline? Or perhaps offer cash to passengers on the plane sitting next to your children if they are prepared to swap?

Depends on the airline but we’ve just booked for next year with easy jet and will be flying with our 9yo and 5yo. As it’s our first holiday aboard as a family I wanted us all sat near to each other so we’ve opted to pay which has cost I think another £55 on the holiday altogether for outbound and return. Not loads extra when you factor in the cost of the total holiday and worth it for my peace of mind. Otherwise easy jet let you check in from 30 days before the flight so next time I’d advise if you don’t want to pay, to check in as soon as it opens 30 days before to maximise your chance of getting seats together. Other airlines may vary though. I haven’t flown in 10 years so I’m not 100%

I’ve never selected seats at check in. I’ve always paid to select seats upon booking (most airlines) or logged into pay for seats after booking. For most airlines you’ll be able to log in pay to select seats now for the return journey.

So why weren't the seats booked together when the booking was first made?

£11 per seat is not expensive

I will add though I am surprised they didn’t at least sit your children with one adult. I thought they had to do their best to try make that happen with children under 12. Makes me even happier we’ve paid to book seats now

The biggest red flag in the whole post was your husband withholding that information from you. What a weird, controlling pleb. Address that and hopefully the rest will follow x

The biggest red flag in the whole post was your husband withholding that information from you. What a weird, controlling pleb. Address that and hopefully the rest will follow x

Firstly I would assume your flights home will be scattered also. Secondly why did you not sit the kids together and you sit between the men. I understand this would mean them sat without an adult but atleast they would have had each other. Thirdly although not ideal they were sat with strangers it’s not like they can be attacked/abducted in mid air amd fourth get a bloody divorce when you get home he sounds so toxic having control over everything to do with your holiday and refusing to let you even know the booking info is not old fashioned it’s the behaviour of a narcissist and you need to leave

Please don’t worry about being online, youre a Mum and we are human / make mistakes and can be over emotional at times, again we are human. I doubt it will end up being online. I’d far rather people help or comfort others than video a situation.

I would insist on being part of the booking and ensure seats are allocated well on advance. If there is a surcharge you need to build this into the total cost of the holiday. If EasyJet I emailed them 10 months in advance to get the code to prebook seats for this reason. EasyJet system is very easy and I am sure others are too. Go MummaBear on your DH, I find it surprisingly easy to this on certain occasions.
I have to prebook certain seats for medical for myself and DC, to look at us you would never know. A friend of mine has to have an aisle seat etc, not everyone can give up seats as freely as others. If someone says no they’re ok to say no.

Delta?

That’s EXACTLY why I’d have put them together!! You’d have built some allies wanting them separated!

for what it’s worth, we choose our seats and pay extra for them when we book out flights. If you leave it till the last minute, this is the risk you take.