Guess she wasn’t a true friend

[Rustymoo]

A friend had arranged a girlie day out with lunch at a local restaurant. As it was at a restaurant I hadn’t been to I checked the food hygiene rating (as I always do) it wasn’t good. I messaged the group to say I wasn’t coming and why. I then got a very aggressive message from the friend who’d organised it basically saying I was out of order for checking and how dare I put this on the group chat. Now if it was me I’d have been glad that the rating had been highlighted and I’d have arranged somewhere else. I found out today that she’s removed me from the group. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that you should be able to be honest with a friend and she really wasn’t such a good friend as I thought she was.

I didn’t convince anyone to do anything
and didn’t enjoy controlling the narrative. They are adults and can make their own choices. Personally I’d rather be honest and give people the information and they can make an informed choice. It’s no
skin off my nose what they choose to do.

Messaging publicly to say 'I'm not comfortable eating there' and then offering to book another place instead was tactless and very likely to offend the organiser. You should have privately messaged her and asked her about choosing another place.

Yep a tad 'pick your battle side!' ..

Maybe someone who doesn't want salmonella and doesn't want her friends getting it either? She didn't have to tell them why she wasn't coming...

I always check the Reviews rather than the Ratings .. a place can get 1 point for minor paperwork issues

(I’ve never checked a hygiene rating though)

So do I, that's literally the purpose of restaurants having hygiene ratings - so consumers can make informed decisions about whether or not to eat there. It's even more important with takeaways because you can't see the state of the place. I'm really surprised so many people don't bother.

I’m not neurotic at all nor do I have health anxiety. I just happen to choose where I spend my money and yes I do have standards and a 5/4 hygiene rating is a must.

Me too.

And then you splurged it all over the group chat and magnanimously suggested somewhere else.

Honestly, I doubt she has ejected you from the chat group just for this. There will have been other things, and this is the last straw.

Prior to this there have been no issues. We’ve always got on really well even having weekends away together. This is the first thing I’ve not gone to even if meant me having to travel 15 miles away as it’s local to her. She’s never ever come local to me as she deemed it too far.

Then you should have private messaged her and asked if she has seen they have a low hygiene rating and said you didn’t really feel comfortable to eat there knowing that. It’s then up to the host to decide what to do about it. You didn’t have to righteously announce it all over the public group chat.

Honestly you did the right thing checking the hygiene rating. No matter what others say, hygiene ratings are made public for a reason! I personally wouldn't eat at a place with a low score.
Your DF is upset because you managed it badly. You should have approached her directly - she arranged the event.

You owe her a big apology, so apologise to her. Admit you should have approached her first. This may never right things between you - but you taking responsibility will certainly help you.

I did message her apologising. She read the message but didn’t respond and now a couple of days later she’s removed me from the group. Hey ho such is life.

I did message her apologising. She read the message but didn’t respond and now a couple of days later she’s removed me from the group. Hey ho such is life.

How do you know these friends, OP?
it’s a big overreaction to remove you from the group, is she a queen bee type?

I would be grateful to you.
Hygiene is very important to me.
She sounds very silly.
I know my friends would be grateful, as would I.

I think her reaction is over the top OP. Sure she has a right to be annoyed but you followed up with a private message apologising. We are all human and we can handle situations insensitively/wrongly. If she was a true friend she would accept your apology and move on. Life is too short.

I find it funny so many people accusing the OP of wanting it all her way when clearly it is the ex friend who wants that!

OP describes her as "known to be inflexible". She wont travel to the OP as its "too far" but expects the OP to travel to her. Wont change a restaurant even when its clear that several people dont want to go there. Wont discuss anything but has a tantrum and removes OP from the group for questioning her.

I have known people like this. They want they like, they like what they know and thats all they will consider no matter how many other people in a group object. Too much like hard work and I have nothing to do with them anymore, life is too short.

Even the way you've phrased the subject, "guess she wasn't such a good friend" sounds like drama llama central. Do you ever organise anything?? I bet you don't. You should have messaged her privately instead of putting it in the group chat... Crass

That would have pissed me off, especially because you politely offered to book somewhere else. It looks like you’re scorning your friend

Most definitely a Queen Bee type and likes to be the centre of attention but putting that aside she was a good friend. After all no one is perfect. We all met through a mutual interest club. I’m still friends with the others

I can't imagine this. Looking up the hygiene rating and then humiliating the organiser is, I suspect, the tip of the iceberg.

I’ve organised lots of things. Some she’s come to and some she hasn’t. There’s been times when she hasn’t come and we’ve gone out anyway and she’s not been happy.

She did a nice thing organising a group meet but you pissed on her parade by posting negative stuff about her choice of venue. Do you ever organise anything for the group?!

Tbh it doesn't sound like you like her very much. Is it a great loss you've fell out? I don't really see what else you can do other than try let it go.