Guess she wasn’t a true friend

[Rustymoo]

A friend had arranged a girlie day out with lunch at a local restaurant. As it was at a restaurant I hadn’t been to I checked the food hygiene rating (as I always do) it wasn’t good. I messaged the group to say I wasn’t coming and why. I then got a very aggressive message from the friend who’d organised it basically saying I was out of order for checking and how dare I put this on the group chat. Now if it was me I’d have been glad that the rating had been highlighted and I’d have arranged somewhere else. I found out today that she’s removed me from the group. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that you should be able to be honest with a friend and she really wasn’t such a good friend as I thought she was.

Well tbf you messaged the group chat to say the place is minging so you're not going. That is aggressive imo.

I would have been a bit more diplomatic about maybe changing the venue in a PM.

Do you always call belittling someone on a group chat "being honest"?

I swear I read a thread just like this one a couple of months ago.
Does anyone else remember it?

OP--I see nothing wrong with checking the health rating. I'd rather know if it has a low rating than to take a chance and be ill.

Well good riddance to this shit friend. It was reasonable to let everyone know it has scored 1 for hygiene. I wouldn’t be friendly with her any more even if she tries to put this behind you. She’s shown who she really is - a tantrummy little bitch.

You are being unreasonable.

Hygiene ratings are public and any of the group can check if they want to. The restaurant is still in business, so presumably the local authority has decided they don't need to use the legal powers they have to shut it down.

You should have told your friend privately that you weren't going. Instead, you chose to grandstand on the group chat, demonstrating your superior taste in restaurants and sabotaging your friends plans.

I suspect this was the straw that broke the camel's back and that you have form for this kind of behaviour.

I doubt the group will miss you.

Does anybody have an official list of the actual criteria for the scores?

I know it's not the same thing, but I wonder how many of us with perfectly normal home kitchens - where nobody ever seems to complain, get food poisoning or vomit after eating - would also end up with a pitifully low rating?!

The cleanest kitchen i ever worked in got awarded a 1 just for a few paperwork ommisions. And just to throw a bit of a bomb in here, most paperwork in kitchens is done by overworked harassed chefs who are sometimes not very diligent or truthful about temperature logging or labelling, but still hold a 5 rating.. so you can almost never take these things as being accurate, both at the bottom or the top of the ratings.

I've never looked at a food hygiene rating in my life...

Why does Op owe this women an apology. I can’t think of another way to word this without it sound childish but Is this friend the owner of the Restaurant.

It was mean to piss on her plans by announcing your decision to the whole group in a way that will encourage others to follow suit.

A private message telling her why and offering to help her to find a replacement venue with enough space on her date/time would have been better.

Guess you weren't a true friend.

https://www.ncass.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Food-Hygiene-Rating-Scheme-Guide.pdf

You came across as aggressive and forceful. I wouldn't have worded it like that

It all looks quite complicated! It's not just 'it's a shit hole, you get a 1'.

No she’s not.

Yup. I am having Deja vu with this one too.

My friend owns a sushi place and had a 1 rating because of one check sheet for a machine she didn’t realise she needed. She paid for them to come back early and then got a 5 rating. Just saying you never know what it’s for but I guess you looked at the in depth report to find out?

I am glad I am not the only one who thought she had read this scenario before.

Well you weren’t very tactful were you.

There was this EXACT same thread a month or so ago posted.

are you still harping on about it or is there more than one person this has happened to? Bizarre.

Maybe the OP has emetophobia. I do and always check the hygiene ratings. If somewhere was a 1, I’d probably react in a similar way tbh.

I would just say to ppl that I was a bit concerned due to my issues and was happy for them to go ahead without me / prepared to organise a different location.

That is very rude, YABU.

This one?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5350344-stretch-the-truth-to-avoid-going-out-to-dinner?page=2&reply=144888211

it is your issue tbh,

You're on! If anyone wants to join me, @AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta @lovethenights @Enigma54 for lunch, we're the Ignorance Is Bliss group and we're having wings 😁

I think the point you raised was very valid and had I been in the group going, I would have wanted to know too...but if you have apologised for being honest about the venue, because she is a good friend and you could be direct, thats also OK, but you didn't go direct, you made an open comment on the group chat and she will have felt criticised and undermined . Also from the sounds of it you started off with "I'm not going" which would have instead of "I'd love to come but can we change the venue". You should have told her privately about the rating and allowed her to announce the issue.

Presumably she will now be inundated with lots of the invitees asking what is happening so she won't be a happy bunny.

So from her stand point, you have apologised for stating you are not going as its 1 star but she probably needs to hear that (from your own explanation given here), you didn't deliver it well and that with the benefit of hindsight, you should have messaged her privately to alert her to the problem?

And give her a few days to calm down and rethink the situation. And if she doesn't come back to you, she is being petty!

Just out of interest have any other persons that have contacted you to say thanks, have they said if the venue has been changed?

As I said before, your rationale was great, it was the delivery that was poor (from your own admission) and it seems you have apologised for being honest when its the way you said you weren't coming publicly, that would have been the embarrassing part for her. do you see what I am saying - you went in a bit heavy.