To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

Do whatever is easiest for you to get rid of whatever you don’t use. Forget about the cost of it - instead decide if you have the time to sell it or is it easier to drop off at a charity shop. Going forward then, think about the cost of each item before purchasing - do you really need it/how long will it be used for, etc.

Your house will never be tidy if there’s too much in it and you don’t have storage doe everything. What’s the point in keeping something if you’ve no use for it.

I am not naturally a tidy person. I am a clutter bug. I'm here looking around my desk at work (WFH) there are 3 plates, 2 coffee mugs, a pint glass and my big water bottle Along with wipes, deodrant, a fly swat, more pens than I need - because I lose them and get a new one from the box only to then find it under some papers!!

BUT in the rest of the house I try really really hard to contain it. I have two boys a 3 yr old and a 1 year old. IT IS HARD!!

Things that work - we got a big unit from Ikea with lots of storage. https://www.ikea.com/addon-app/storageone/besta/web/latest/ie/en/ I have boxes that fit in there and at the end of the day the toys get thrown into those boxes. I do not sort them. Just in. I also keep about 1/4 of the toys in kallax boxes in their bed rooms. And the other 1/4 in a large plastic box in the garage (in London unlikely to have a garage so somewhere else). I sell/ donate clothes and toys the minute baby DS is out of it.

Bathroom - I have cupboards with boxes. Keep the counter clear. If the area is a little grubby I use a baby wipe to quickly clean it. Once a week I put vinegar down the loo and leave it over night.

Kitchen - I have a ninja pressure cooker I do a lot of one pot meals. Tonight will be a chicken 'fried' rice dish. One pot, all in. Not much to clean up and don't have to monitor it while it cooks.

I have a robot vac I absolutely love it

Declutter the kitchen too. I had a broken fridge magnet, actually of a London bus. It has been broken for about 2 years. I keep saying - I must fix that. I have not fixed it, so I have finally thrown it out. My natural inclination is to hold onto things. A few glass yard from jam/ etc is handy, 64 of them is not.

I flitter around though and find it really hard to stay on track. What helps is a washing basket in the room you are cleaning, e.g. if I am cleaning the sitting room I have a washing basket and put things that do not belong in there into the basket. When I am done I then sort the basket. Before I would find DS's shoe and take it to his room. Then find babies sock so would take it to the washing machine. Then decide to empty the washing machine. Then see that there are clothes to fold. Take the clothes to fold to the table, on the table spot that the butter had been left out. Put the butter in the fridge. Look at the fridge magnet and think I must fix that. Bin it. Empty the bin. Stand at the door wondering what on earth I am supposed to be doing!!!!!

'Doom boxes' = just an empty box kept in the room for clutter. Once a week empty the doom box

As others have said though consistence is key.

I do not live in show house by any stretch of the imagination. But the house for the most part is clutter free and tidy.

We were always pretty messy with clutter everywhere until we remodelled our house. It isn't any bigger but we ruthlessly got rid of anything we didn't need & improved our storage. It's much easier to keep the house reasonably tidy with less clutter & more storage. I suggest you start with a bedroom (easisest room I think) & go through everything getting rid of what you don't want/need. Get your husband to take the kids out, put some good music on & get to work. Once you've done one room you will feel so much better & want to do the other rooms. We feel like a weight has been lifted now, even though the house is still not perfect & not always spotlessly clean. It's also very rewarding giving things away on local groups or to charity shops or selling things that have a value - use the money to buy some great storage. Good luck.

@SoScarletItWas could you link it please? I can only find a recent thread. Thanks.

I would love to know too OP. I want to be so much better.

I'd say clutter makes things look and feel chaotic and untidy even if everything is actually clean. Limit cleaning/tidying time so it feels more manageable (I love to do what I call a Clean in 15 - I bang on a playlist of songs I love, set a timer for 15 mins and just do whatever catches my eye for that time and that time only). It's never about things being perfect, I just look for a dramatic improvement in cleanliness or tidyness and I'm happier for it.

Here's my take on it all and how I function - coming from a nearly 63-year old:

I was born "neat and tidy". Grew up in a fairly orderly home but not show home level or OTT. It was clean and things had a place. However DF's desk area was a tip and I hated that.

I function much better in an orderly environment and don't handle muck and mess well - it really gets me down.

I like to keep on top of things and hate getting behind schedule or not completing everything I want to do in a day/week/month.

I love a list!

From when first DC was born some three decades, I've always rotated, passed on, sold, swapped toys, clothes and equipment. Very little stored 'for later'. Nothing in the loft and only essentials kept in garage or shed.

I always put things away carefully, eg removing batteries if not going to be used, labelling things, having a proper place for everything.

In the days when we had camera film printed and posted to us, I would immediately label and date all the photos and put in albums so DC each have a complete record of their childhoods in chronological order.

End of school year stuff would be dealt with in first few days of summer holidays. Take photos of important stuff and keep only a few special items - more than a few and they're no longer special. Bin most of it!

I'm also a bargain hunter and hate wasting money.

Think carefully about whether you really want/need to do things and that can apply to a night out, a play date, buying an outfit, going on holiday or anything else. Don't just follow the herd.

All the above make life as simple as possible and, in reality, I want to put as little energy as possible into all those hundreds of everyday tasks we have to do. Keep life simple, get rid of the crap and you'll have more head space and time to enjoy the nice things in life. Good luck!

If you have kids, you need to be ruthless and very consistent. They grow fast, so their clothes are constantly changing. If you start piling things up to "sell" but don't do it straight away - with a time limit to bring to charity shop if they don't sell, you will drown under piles of unwanted stuff very quickly.

This is the one I’d seen @Spuddled

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/5390377-are-there-any-reformed-messy-people-on-here-how-did-you-overcome-it

This is how I keep things tidy:

Start with boot camp - set aside some time to ruthlessly declutter and make sure everything has a place so that it’s easy to tidy in the future. I have a label maker and assign everything a box or shelf but it doesn’t have to be like that as long as everyone knows where things are. Personally I find it easier because DH is ‘cupboard blind’ as in spite of his best efforts can’t find things in a cupboard even when they’re staring him in the face 🤣. If he knows he just has to find the labelled box it’s easier for him somehow and less hassle for me as a consequence.

Then I do half an hour a day in one room using the Organised mum method. Get the app, it’s amazing! So I do lounge Monday, bedrooms Tuesday etc. I also do something laundry related every day, quick clean of the loos and sinks and quick hoover/sweep of the main traffic areas. Those things take ten to fifteen mins a day, then you’re done for cleaning for the day. Each clean starts with a five minute declutter so it never stays messy for long. I used to do whole house cleans and it’s exhausting. Just do a room every day and once you’ve done a couple of weeks of that, everywhere starts to feel cleaner and tidier all the time. Any if somewhere gets messy again, well you know you’ll be back in there again soon….

I spend about ten or fifteen mins at the end of the day clearing up from dinner and setting the kitchen back to rights. I also have good storage for bags, shoes and coats (in a hall cupboard) and everyone is expected to put those away as soon as they come in.

Be your future friend when you arrive home with things like swimming stuff….two minutes of sorting those as soon as you come through the door means they don’t build up into a pile that you don’t want to tackle later.

I have plenty of time to sit down once the jobs are done.

Also, five minutes here and there make a big difference and use your time well. If I’m cooking, I use the ‘in between times’ like waiting for the kettle to boil or the rice to finish cooking to give the sink a quick clean or put away the dishes on the drainer and by using little slots of time, things stay under control.

good luck!

If you wipe down the high chair after each time it is used, it will only take seconds. If you leave it until until the next day or until after a few meals, it will take much longer as you’ll be dealing with dried in food and more food bits, etc. The same with the floor.

I don't think you need a tidy home when you have kids. I like a home to look lived in, not a show home. As long as it's clean, What's the harm.

I must admit I don’t understand this tidy = not fun idea.

Our home is very tidy and IMO we have way more fun because we’re not constantly looking for things or stressing we’re going to be late because we can’t find keys etc. we are also ready to accept visitors at a moments notice so probably socialise a lot more than we would if we had to decline due to embarrassment of mess.

It’s SO much nicer to relax in a clean and tidy home that smells fresh.

People don't usually agree but I believe it runs much deeper. I think it has to do with ahdh and trauma, coping mechanisms and behaviour patterns. The mess serves a purpose (Like clutter for hoarders, weight for some people with ED, addiction for people with trauma and so on). If you deal with the underlying problem, the symptoms will ease by themselves. I've been working on that for years and now sometimes I see myself thinking like a tidy person. It's mind blowing. (I still have a long way to go)

I agree with PPs, the answer is to have places to put stuff, but also to put things back when you've used them. However, it is hard to do if there's too much stuff, not enough space, or messy people that you live with.

I'm a naturally tidy person who likes space and hates clutter and mess. I don't mind stuff, and have lots of stuff - eg a large sewing and craft stash and lots of books - but I can manage it because those things are all on shelves dedicated to them. But if I get something out to use, it has to go back. That's all tidying is - putting stuff back.

My DD is messy and although I've done everything I can to give her spaces to store things, she just won't put stuff back, just leaves it out. So her room's a mess and she wonders why.

Also, my kitchen's a mess because there isn't enough space and I need a massive ruthless declutter, but I'm busy so that's still in the "to do" queue. And my flat in general doesn't have enough storage - if I had a garage or shed, I could store more things there and the flat would have more space and be tidier.

But I know what the solution is. I just can't fully achieve it for these reasons, but you absolutely can if you sort out places to put things and then just put them back.

I can’t enjoy sitting down if there is mess that needs to be cleared. I’d rather just get it done and then sit down somewhere clean and tidy than knowing it needs to be done.

I can’t enjoy sitting down if there is mess that needs to be cleared. I’d rather just get it done and then sit down somewhere clean and tidy than knowing it needs to be done.

I too am envious of people with show home houses. It does stress me out to see mess but it does always seem to be a struggle to keep up with it all. When you have kids it's soul destroying when you tidy and they come and mess things up. I have throws and cushions and they always seem to be strewn around by my son. All we can do is tidy as we go. Every night I make sure it's all in the right the place. I don't like coming down in the morning to washing up so it's all done in the evening. Once a week I do a whole house clean, listen to a podcast it makes it less tedious. Through the week i hoover and mop and try to tidy as I go. Laundry is done every day and I iron as I go while watching TV so it's not such a chore. Put shoes in the under stairs cupboard. My house is small so I don't have room for bikes in my hallway. Its still work in progress sometimes I Don have the energy but you do suffer for it like pp have said. You need to just do it as you go. I actually like it when I go to a friend's home and they are a little bit untidy or have some things out. It makes me feel more comfortable when they come to my home if it's not spick and span as they are less likely to judge.

Well her home isn't clean either by the sounds if it and to be honest no messy house is. Even if people try to tell you their house is messy but clean, they are kidding themselves.

Following as I want to know this too! I am just not tidy. Feel like I’m missing the tidy gene. I do feel embarrassed when people stop by and see my mess and frantically tidy if I know someone is coming but otherwise I just can’t seem to be able to do it/keep it up

I book dump runs and hire skips.. set a timer and clear out junk.. same with cleaning I set a timer for 30 do what I can and then relax. I’ve taught my boys the same. Otherwise I feel like I’m always cleaning, with the timer it just gives you focus.

Yes agree with this. I'm very creative, and imaginative and it annoys me when people imply that a tidy space means you're boring and straight-laced. The reason I like it tidy is so I can move around and find things easily.

On of the most stressful things for me is when there's piles of stuff everywhere and trying to find or do something makes more mess because things fall over or get even more messed up. Or needing to put something down and you can't because there's no space. I hate that! Tidiness just makes me happier and less stressed.

My issue is linked to my ADHD and it took me till my late 50s to realise I am not a failure as a woman because I struggle with being tidy. I have lots of other strengths.

Now I always put 5 things away when I go in a room. The rest of the house if pretty OK now but the bedroom looks dreadful. I know I'll be calmer and happier when that's done too.

Just a bit disappointed that after clicking on the thread and then putting my glasses on, the title was "tidy", not "tiny" 😂

I was just off to get the popcorn

I think it's a nature not nurture thing. In my house my husband is really tidy and I am not - I'd like to be but struggle with it. Our oldest son is painfully tidy - he would know if his headphone lead had been moved an inch to the left sort of tidy.... then my other 3 kids scruffy as hell... my 13 year old girl would actually live in a bit if I let her!

I bet some of them have cleaners even if you’re not aware. One of my colleagues said she had a cleaner recently and I was actually surprised how many others then said they did too, some I know quite well but they’d never mentioned the cleaner before! I think some people don’t want to mention it in case they’re judged as either lazy or rich, but seems more common than I knew.