To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

You do seem me to focus on ‘mums’. In our house both me and my husband keep the house clean. It’s not just on me. It’s genuinely equal.

I have lots of time to sit down because I tidy as I go along. It’s because I hate tidying that I do it immediately!

I literally can’t think straight in mess. And people do comment on how tidy my house is and I think ‘no it’s not it’s a tip’ because there’ll be kids stuff in piles, kids stuff in use etc. (pre kids it was show home standard). But i don’t make an issue as I know kids are kids and I just tidy up after they’re done. Best thing I ever did was buy a dishwasher as you can instantly hide dirty dishes instead of them piling up. Same with big toy boxes, boxes under beds. Just chuck everything in them shut the lid. Hey presto, instantly tidy. (Chaos inside obviously - ha) I don’t judge others mess at all though. im weirdly envious of people who can relax in chaos. Don’t feel lazy or beat yourself up. Life is too short if tidy isn’t your priority and relaxing is.

It's no big secret, just self-discipline.

If you've got time to take something out of a cupboard, you've got time to put it back.

In fact if you take anything from anywhere or bring something into the house, it probably takes less than a minute or two to just put it away.

It gets a bit boring I suppose but so does eventually tidying up all the mess that's accrued.

Are you confusing tidying and cleaning? You are talking about tidying, but then keep mentioning things (high chair, pram) being “mucky”. And I’m not sure, but when you talk the same way about eating while watching TV on the sofa, are you implying that you don’t clear dishes away, get rid of crumbs etc afterwards?

Clean should be non-negotiable IMO. I can’t think of any reason why you can’t regularly keep things clean.

And sorry but it sounds like a lot of the clutter is laziness. Why on earth would you not hand something back up after you have tried it on?

I grew up in a messy house, and my own room veered between extremely messy, then immaculate because I would suddenly get a yen to make it perfect. But I couldn't seem to maintain it, no idea why.

As an adult in my own home, I am tidy to the point of obsessive—everything has to be in its place, to the millimetre. Again, I don't know why.

Our house isn't perfectly clean though—I hate cleaning and we have dogs and cats that are in and out all day. It's just about clean enough, but we're certainly not scrubbing the skirting boards every week month year.

I'm the same as you @tangerinemagic - and my mum was like Hyacinth Bucket on speed when I was growing up...one of these 'I can't sit down until everything is perfect' people.

I've been diagnosed with ADHD which is probably part of it - lack of dopamine and far too much stuff from a new hyperfixation every couple of months. What I find really helps is putting on an audiobook and getting stuck in to the cleaning/tidying. It's much easier to do the boring stuff while listening to something that takes my
mind off it.

I also have a lot of Kallax units!

• If you leave a room take something with you, every time.
ie quick glance around: is there something in this room that doesn’t belong? Take it out with you. Always be carrying something out of a room.

• Use pockets of time.
Waiting for the kettle to boil? Clear the sides. Children having a bath? Clean the sink.
Waiting for children to put shoes on (Or is it just mine that take ages)? Sort the coat hooks out.

• An object in motion stays in motion.
Set a five (or even 2!) minute timer and get something done in that time. You find once you’re up and going then you’re often likely to carry on past the timer.

Rome wasn't built in a day. You just need to start somewhere whether that be less stuff or a place for the stuff you have ie a hook for the swim bag and nappy bag just to get them off the floor.
With the cleaning try and make a routine, ie clean the highchair as soon as meal time is over.DBe consistent and you'll be surprised at how quickly you do these things without thinking and how straight things will be.
But, you both need to be on board.

Don't leave things out - ever ! The second they are not needed any more they go back where they should be . And everything should have a place .
Nobody should have 'stuff' everywhere . It's awful to look at and indicates stress and chaos .

No-one leaves cups etc on the side so that doesn't fester. When you get up from anywhere, you take your stuff to where they need to be.

I wash up/clear up while I'm cooking. When I'm done cooking, the only things dirty are the pots and the crockery we've eaten from.

I have a broom - easier for everyday sweeping than getting out the vacuum. I sweep often - according to my daughter, I imagine dirt- but the dust where I live is just ridiculous.

I wash often so there's never a huge pile to put away. Just little amounts I fold while watching tv.

It probably helps that there are only 2 of us. And my daughter has been tidying away from she could walk something to a box, so has gotten into the habit or clearing after herself. She had a messy room phase, but I didn't allow that to take root.

Clean as you go, do little often... That keeps me on top of things.

Clearing up the high hair is the same job as putting away lunch and wiping the kids’ hands. It’s not a separate job so should not be left till later.

One rule that worked for me is if a task takes less than 3 minutes to complete, just do it there and then without a second thought and don’t delay it.

it worked for me cause I used to create massive to do lists and the tasks were easy but felt overwhelming as there was so much to do, so I’d procrastinate. Whereas using the 3 minutes rule, those tasks never end up on a to-do list as they’re just…done.

Good advice from all the tidy folk. But…..on your deathbed will your dying wish be that your cushions were all straight, or that your kids remember a happy childhood? Not saying a tidy house = an unhappy family, but just wondering how important tidiness is. Must go now, can’t find my keys again. If only I had a tidy place to put them😊

I go through phases. When I am in a bad head space, my house gets messy. I cant be bothered to do simple things because I feel apathetic about it all.

When I am in a good head space (such as now) I love keeping everywhere tidy and clean and smelling nice. Also, when life is a bit chaotic (such as work being busy) I need some order around me and that means tidying.

I have to ‘trick’ myself in to doing it sometimes. I will say to myself that I won’t clean the whole kitchen, I will just do the washing up. But once I start I can’t stop, something to do with the dopamine hit I reckon. Have offered wondered if I have ADHD

What is it?

Should add .... you'll soon learn that cleaning something straight away is much quicker than leaving it for later! Wiping dried up food off anything is always a pain in the arse.

A place for everything

everything in its place

don’t put it down put it away.

make if a game, ensure your DC and your DH/P join in too, so it’s a joint enterprise , just the way things are done around here rather than you trying to tidy up around them.

good luck.

I honestly believe one is born tidy or untidy so don’t be too hard on yourself 😁

My mum is messy, and even when she tries (folding clothes, packing things, putting things away etc) it looks a mess. My dad is the tidy one. He was very strict with household chores growing up. My brother takes after mum and I my dad.

Ok, you don’t ’just throw things down when you find home’.

My husband has clothes everywhere. I don't. They're either on my back or in the laundry basket.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned?

I grew up in a very untidy and not very clean house. It got to the point where I was embarrassed to bring friends home.

I could ask you the same question - when you get something out why don't you put it away when you have finished with it? Apologies, but I admit that I struggle to understand why people find it so difficult to tidy up after themselves TBH.

My house is usually tidy because clutter makes me feel claustrophobic and unsettled.

Every morning and evening I do a 30 minute clean and tidy- kitchen gets done twice daily- dishes washed and put away, sink cleaned, sides wiped and things put away. Lounge tidied, quick hoover and mop and spray of air freshener

The two aren’t mutually exclusive, you nutter.

My parents used to be messy and I will never forget how embarrassed I was as a child/teen. The house was never tidy enough for guests to come over therefore I never had guests or sleepovers. Spontaneous visits from anyone just never happened so I missed out on a lot of core experiences, that I hope my children will experience instead. My parent’s house was gross to live in, they had dogs so the smell
and dog hair everywhere were not to be underestimated.

Regardless of my parents dying or not, I’m still going to remember them as messy people, and it did impact my life at the time. I might not remember a specific day where a specific cushion wasn’t straight, but I will remember the general unhappy sentiment.

Well it's boring as arse but I can't relax if my house is a mess, and with a baby and 3 pets who shed all year round I just don't really relax anymore 😂 but if DH has baby, or if baby is asleep, I'll stick a show on my phone and watch/listen to it while I clean up. Makes it way more bearable and sometimes feels like a treat if I'm really into whatever I'm watching. I do struggle to just sit and watch the TV or a film anymore though as I associate it with cleaning! Also decluttering makes life SO much easier. I am far more of a hoarder than DH and I finally bit the bullet a few months ago and got rid of absolutely loads of crap. DH was almost crying with joy taking it to the tip and the charity shops. It makes cleaning far quicker.

You don't "tidy for visitors"

you KEEP IT tidy.

that's the main thing. Live in the house that works for you, why trying to change things for random people popping buy for 1 hour. My house is always as "visitor-ready" as can be. I live there, I want it that way!