To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I'm not a naturally tidy or organised person at all but overtime I have learned to be. I just keep on top of it at all times because the minute it goes beyond a certain point I find it overwhelming and I just want to crawl under a rock and hide from it all so I just keep on it and have quite a strict routine for it all. Meal planning, cooking, doing laundry, changing the beds, not buying too much stuff, decluttering, hoovering, dusting etc.

I just feel so much better internally when my home is clean, tidy and well organised and I know what we'll be eating.

I hate mess and clutter. I think the secret is to keep on top of it. If there’s too much, it feels overwhelming and it’s easy to lose motivation.

Storage
Less stuff
Discipline
Also, it needs to be important to you.
So, if it really doesn't bother you, just carry on. Be happy. Care less about what others think.

You are who you are. I can remember as a young child, tidying up after my Mother, as she lived with clutter everywhere. Then at 18 I went off to do my nurse training at The Nightingale School and we couldn’t leave our patients until everything was tidy. You didn’t want the Sister screaming at you. Since then I have always tidied as I have gone along. Everything has a place and I cannot abide mess or clutter. I literally feel anxious if things are a mess. But I do not criticise anyone and how they live - this is me and how you live is all about you. Life is better when we accept we are all different. Who cares if you are messy?

Ah, you've not learned the secret yet.

I'm very tidy. Always show home visitor ready. Everything is put away, organised, cushions plumped.

But ffs, don't open a cupboard. Not without wearing a hard hat and steel topped boots. The world will fall out on top of you and I'll have to call an ambulance, the coastguard and mountain rescue just to find you from underneath all of the crap!!

The sad thing is I feel DH and me do try. We will clean the kitchen every night before bed but the hallway and bedrooms are just not clutter free at all. I also hate throwing things away as I think if the waste in landfills, the weighing up of charity shop or to try sell often blocks me from decluttering. Maybe I should be ruthless and forget selling anything!

TBH this sounds like a procrastination problem

I can’t sit down if the room is a mess. So I’m constantly tidying as I have two kids. Im was always the ‘tidy one’ as a kid. I used to do the housework and ironing for fun (sad). If I went to my messy cousins house I’d want to tidy their room not play. I guess my brain is just wired like that. It’s difficult at times as it’s hard to relax. House isn’t perfect but surfaces are clear and toys hidden in boxes or in neat piles. I try to encourage kids by example - one is naturally tidier than the other. I think it’s just how I am. Parents are both shockingly messy so it’s not the way I’ve been brought up, either.

and what about the cleaning? Highchairs, prams, floor, all show home ready?

So you used the highchair but didnt clean up after the meal? I'd start there, cleaning and tidying as you go. Save decluttering for when you are on top of the day to day routines.

Fascinating. I wish I had your brain. Two life long dreams are to be tidy and be a morning person. Can’t help but feel like it sums me up as a lazy person and I hate that!

Two kids and when they finish lunch for example they need to go down for naps and will tidy away all the food and kitchen but not always spray the highchairs. Just an effort and there’s so much that needs doing! Like we need lunch and maybe a shower, the dishwasher might need unloading, and it goes on.

It is. And wanting to rest. I’m low energy I feel.

Interesting you mention being a morning person. I do think the two go together.

I was neither a morning person nor a tidy person for many many years. I’ve kind of had to teach myself to be both of these - and life is certainly the better for it. But I did manage it before having DD.

Like I said before - tidy as you go and it won’t take so long. And on top of that, teach your kids to be tidy and then it’s less for you.

I just can’t have it very messy or dirty for long. It makes me feel claustrophobic and stressed.

Our house isn’t like a show home - there are books everywhere and toys about - but it’s generally clean and stuff is looked after. Things have a place, and we try to keep the house fairly declutterred.

I hate cleaning but it’s not that hard to hoover, wipe the surfaces and steam clean the kitchen floor once a week.

One person I know who is very very tidy does it out of pure anxiety.

It's like, she cannot sleep if things aren't clean, dry and put away. She tells herself it's a moral good, but I know her well and I can see it's a form of control of her environment because she is an incredibly anxious person prone to catastrophising. Her entire life is given over to these anxieties but she pretends that it's other people who are failing, rather than she who is massively overcompensating.

Once in a while she has to take some time out in order to gut her house of anything she doesn't need. She gives things away or sells them, and then feels calmer for a bit.

I don't think she's particularly unhappy overall, but that might be because she keeps so much control over her home.

I feel so deeply embarrassed by it. I don’t know why!

I think ( not being a tidy person myself) that it's a question of how much time you are prepared to devote to it.
My SiL, who had a full time job and small children at the same time as I did, never sat down. She was constantly tidying, washing up throughout the day and evening, whether or not guests were present. Her children didn't have random toys out all over the house, the toys were kept and used in the children's bedrooms. I never saw a jumper hanging over a chair, a school bag dropped in the corner, lunch boxes waiting to be washed out. Everything was put away the minute it was finished with. She had good storage downstairs, but didn't do things like junk modelling, so that kept the place tidy and it meant that also she wasn't hanging on to old cereal boxes and newspapers and bits of string. But the main reason her house looked so nice was the amount of time and effort she put into it.

I am naturally tidy and always have been. When the kids were little, if their car seats or pushchairs had crumbs in them at the end of the outing, I would tidy it up straight away. Same with rubbish in the car - straight into the house with it at the end of the journey. Around the house, the kids always helped me tidy up their toys before bath time or, if we were pushed for time, I’d do it as soon as I came down after putting them to bed. Beds made as we’re getting dressed. Kitchen tidied up and surfaces wiped straight after each meal. Little hand held vacuum cleaner for tidying up around high chairs and the floor.

I can just do all these things without having to think about them, or remind myself. It’s not hard work for me and doesn’t feel difficult. I think the tidiness and “order” make me feel calm so it’s calming to do those activities around the house.

If you want to be tidy (and it’s fine not to be tidy!) then I think it’s easier to do it in little 2 or 3 minute bursts like this, rather than having to face a massive clean and tidy twice a month.

The ONLY reason I'm now tidy is because the cleaner cleans, he doesn't put my stuff away. So no more floordrobes or junk scattered round the house.
We've got into a routine, he cleans everything which is great because quite frankly life's too short and I put stuff away and wash up.
My house before Dan was a disaster area.

Sorry steam clean your kitchen floor? How?

What about clothes in bedroom? Do you hang things up once you try them on? I have so many clothes out at all times

Absolutely. If I’m not going to wear it, it goes back in the wardrobe. And dirty stuff straight into the laundry basket.

It depends on the task. Eg sorting out dirty kitchen items (dishes/cutlery/pans etc) is an easy one whether you hand wash or load the dishwasher, so no point having that festering on the side all day. Just do it as you go.

Personally before I go to bed, I aim to make sure:

• any dirty kitchen items are sorted
• dirty laundry either in basket, and if full then washed, dried and put away
• rubbish/recycling/parcel boxes in bin and if bins are full, either taken out or prepped to be taken out the next morning
• “stuff” is generally all put away and in its place ie clothes hung, new buys are put away, things just generally aren’t left out longer than required

if I feel I need to, I’ll give surfaces a wipe or do a quick hoover. But honestly all this takes me like 10 minutes max because I’m working from an already-tidy baseline.

Yes I think I’m just prone to feeling exhausted and shutting down.

So spray the highchairs, put them down for a nap and when you come back they just need need wiping. I'm a childminder so I do get it but it's much easier if you just do it as you go along.